The New Commercial

I just had to do this. Regigigas is like one of the worst legendaries (and tied with Heatran for most ugliest.)

-arf-arf!

An Eevee stood yapping on the floor near the feet of a Regigigas. The robot legendary kicked the Regigigas into the door. " Stupid Eevee ! " it roared. " Hell, no one can tell me what to do ! It's my body ! I can do whatever the hell I want !"

The Eevee sighed as he stepped outside of the house. " That's my friend Regi. He used to be cool, but ever since his friend Heatran introduced him to drugs, he just lays on the couch and watches gay Ben Stiltser movies while smoking pot and snorting meth. It's really sad. I remember when we tried an intervention on him last Tuesday..."


(Last Tuesday)

Regigigas stepped inside the room and dropped his six - pack. " What the f--k are you all doing here ? "

" It's time to get your priorities straight ! " Arceus said.

" You have so much potential ! " Giratina added.

" Oh, shove it up your ass, Giratina. You and Arceus have no right to say a thing. You know how hard it is hearing your moaning in the bathtub six days a week ? It's sick. "

" Shut up ! You've obviously never experienced love ! " Giratina exclaimed.

" And you obviously don't know what an actual condom is ! " Regigigas said, snickering.

" You're such a pervert ! You suck ! " Giratina screamed, going on a rampage.

Arceus glared at the robot. " Thanks a lot, Regi. Now I have to stay up all night comforting my soon-to-be drunk girlfriend ! You know very damn well that when Giratina's drunk she's worse than Cresselia when she's on her monthly ! "

" Oh, and you know that I did her that last day when she was drunk ! "

" I f--king hate you ! I wish I never created you ! " Arceus snapped, running after Giratina.

" F--K YOU , TOO, ARKY ! F--K YOU, TOO ! "

Eevee shook his head. " See ? This is what happens when you're on drugs. Help stop this menace. Make sure your kids have obedience collars on them. "

The little dog went back inside to see Regigigas with a gun in his hand. " Regi ! What the hell are you doing ?! "

" I can't take it anymore ! " Regi replied. " I'm doin' myself in, Eev. "

-BANG!-

" Nooooooo ! MY GOOD FRIEEEEEEND ! "

(And this is why you don't do drugs, people. They kill you.)


(After commercial)

" Thanks for puttin' me in, yo, " Regigigas replied.

" No problem, " Lucario replied. " But you look drunk. "

" Yeah, I drank a six-pack and smoked some weed just now. Oh, and some other stuff. "

" Dude, drugs are BAD ! "

" So ? I'm a legendary ! I'm 'undestructible' ! "

Suddenly Regigigas fell to the floor. The Lucario felt his pulse. " Whoa. He's dead. What a retard. And he had to do this right after an anti-drug commercial. And this is why anti-drug commercials only apply to old people. The companies never show the deaths. "

" Yeah, I bet if they did no teenager would use this crap ! " Eevee muttered.

" So...where do we bury the body ? "

" Eh, just let Heatran try to smoke him. "

" Good idea. "

End