A Very Long Vacation

A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon

Disclaimer: I assure you, if I did own Naruto, I would not be writing fanfiction about it. Though I could promise that the series would actually be about the title character and not Sasuke. I am not making money off of this either.

Author's Note: Once again, long time since update. I'm starting at a new college and I'm trying to get everything in order. But, to you my loyal readers, I have a fun chapter just for you. Enjoy!

- - - - - - - -

Naruto hadn't been very happy about the choice of the Korean BBQ restaurant as the place for them to eat. He was even less happy about Mikoto's insistence he eat his vegetables. But even he couldn't stand up to Mikoto's "Puppy Dog Eyes Jutsu", and so reluctantly he'd dug in.

"So, you've been all over the world? No wonder I couldn't keep track of you," Jiraiya said.

"Ah, well, you know me," Mikoto laughed. "One thing after another happened, and I ended up having to pay my way."

"Oh really?" Jiraiya asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh now Jiraiya-sensei, nothing like that!" Mikoto chided him. "Though I did take a lot of notes." She produced a scroll and handed it over. Jiraiya proceeded to unseal it, and gaped in amazement at the sheer number of journals, notebooks, and scrolls that came out.

"W-Woah! What's all this?" Naruto asked. He took one scroll, and opened it up. He turned bright red, and suffered a severe nosebleed.

"GAHHH! Wh-Wh-What the hell?!"

"Oops!" Mikoto smiled and snatched it away. "Sorry Naruto-kun… Maybe we should save it for when you're a bit older, hm?"

"N-Not that kind of stuff!" Naruto sputtered. Jiraiya took the scroll and grinned.

"Wow! I have never seen anything like this!"

"Oh, it apparently requires a lot of flexibility." Mikoto proceeded to lift one of her legs up and tuck it neatly behind her head. She beamed at the gobsmacked Naruto. "It was a very useful skill to learn!"

"H-H-Hey! If you're going to be my sensei, wh-what makes you think I want to learn about stuff like that?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you don't have to if you don't want to, Naruto-kun," Mikoto said cheerfully. "But they can be very useful and fun to do with your girlfriend."

"But not useful for bringing back Sasuke!" Naruto protested.

"Well, you never know~," Mikoto teased.

"M-MIKOTO-SAN!"

"Oh calm down Naruto, calm down!" The Uchiha matron reached across the table and patted his shoulder. "You can't focus entirely on bringing back Sasuke, you know. There is a whole world of possibilities out there!"

"Like what?" Naruto asked.

"Well, there was one time…"

- - - - - - - -

Mikoto sighed, looking around the desert stretching for miles in every direction. She looked at her map, twisting it every which way. She looked back at the desert.

"Well, I don't see any 'Tokyo-3' around here..." Mikoto said with a scowl. "Stupid map... It says it should be here! But it isn't!" She checked the brochure of the city in question, comparing the pictures of it to the bleak landscape around her. She adjusted her umbrella, tied to her pack and opened above her to provide some shade.

"Awww... I wanted to see some giant robot battles!" She pouted. Abruptly, several bandits that appeared to be refugees of Mad Ma Beyond Thunderdrome, all with mohawks, scrambled around her, grinning and leering.

Mikoto looked at them and smiled cheerfully. "Oh, hello there! Could you nice gentlemen possibly tell me how to get to Tokyo-3?"

"Tokyo-3? It's miles from here woman!" One of the bandits replied. The others laughed.

Mikoto frowned and checked her map again. "Really? It should be right here..."

"But if you're willing to pay...heheh...we'd be more than willing to escort you..." Another bandit leered. Mikoto blinked.

"Pay?"

"Yeah! Pay! Around here, we accept all sorts of payment...but in your case, it'll be a very cheap price...heheheheh..." The bandit laughed.

"Oh? What?" Mikoto asked.

"Your body!" The second bandit grinned.

Mikoto blinked, staring at the bandits in confusion. She blinked again.

"My body?"

"Yeah... You know... Your body...?" The second bandit prompted. Mikoto smiled.

"No, I'm sorry! I can't let you have it! I need it!"

Now it was the bandits' turn to stare in confusion.

"You see, I need it to get around, and lift things, and touch things... Why, without my body I'd just be a head! And then how would I get around?" Mikoto asked.

"We're lonely men out here...it's been quite a while since a woman, much less a good looking one has been through here," the first bandit spoke again, as though speaking to a crazy person. The other bandits nodded.

"And we have needs!" The second shouted.

"Aw, you poor things!" Mikoto said sympathetically. "Well, if I might make a suggestion? Most women regard mohawks as a turnoff, unless they have really low standards."

"WHAT?!" The bandit leader snarled. Mikoto laughed nervously.

"Just a bit of friendly advice, really!"

"You stupid bitch! We were gonna be nice but for insulting the Mohawk we're just gonna throw you down and rape you!" The first bandit snarled.

"Yeah! Get her boys!"

Just as the first bandit was about to reach Mikoto, a single fist slammed into his face and sent him flying back into the leader. Mikoto turned her head and smiled brightly at the tall, mysterious stranger.

"Wow..."

"WHAT?! Who the hell are you?" The lead bandit yelled. Kenshiro, 64th heir to the Hokuto Shinken, gazed impassively down on them all.

"Trash like you should be kept out of the road," he stated flatly.

"Ugh... Boss... I don't feel good," the bandit Kenshiro had struck moaned. Mikoto activated her Sharingan, and shook her head.

"Ow... That doesn't look good at all..."

Blood poured from the bandit's mouth, and he fell over, dead. The leader gawked at their assailant in shock.

"Wh-WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Wow... You made his heart blow up!" Mikoto said. "That's impressive!"

"You bastard! We'll kill you!" The bandit leader yelled. As one they charged, Mikoto thoughtfully stepping out of the way. Kenshiro settled into his usual fighting position, and went to town.

"Atatatatatatatatata WATA!" He cried, striking each bandit only once and driving them all back. The leader stood up and wiped some blood from his mouth in fury.

"You'll pay for humiliating us!"

"Yeah! You that's enough to beat us?" Another bandit yelled. Kenshiro looked on them with a stony gaze.

"There is no need for me to strike you again. You are already dead."

"Huh?" The bandit leader asked, before he and his friends began to scream, their heads and bodies expanding in grotesque, horrible ways. Mikoto thoughtfully put her umbrella up over Kenshiro as well as herself, just as the bandits exploded.

KRUUUSHHH!

After the rain of gore stopped, Mikoto pulled her umbrella away and shook it out, smiling up at Kenshiro.

"Thank you very much, sir!"

"I only did what you would have done," he stated simply. Mikoto shrugged.

"Well, thank you all the same... Oh! By the way, do you know how to get to Tokyo-3?"

Kenshiro pointed to the southwest. "It lies that way, in another anime. Take a right at Bubblegum Crisis and then turn left when you reach Akira. You can't miss it."

"Oh! Thank you very much again!" Mikoto said cheerfully. She then headed off, as Kenshiro resumed his own journey.

- - - - - -

"... Really?" Naruto asked as Mikoto finished her tale, spellbound. "Did that all really happen?"

Mikoto hummed, looked thoughtful, and sipped her drink. She then smiled brightly and rubbed the back of her head.

"Oh... Oops! Eheheheh... I'm sorry. That was that dream I had when I tried mixing bean paste, vodka and chocolate into scones! My bad!"

Naruto facefaulted into the table, while Jiraiya chuckled.

"You haven't changed one bit."

"Buuuut, I have learned several interesting and useful things! And as your sensei, I would teach you every single one of them until you learned them!" Mikoto said.

"You know, I have been teaching him pretty well," Jiraiya said.

"What have you taught him?" Mikoto asked.

Naruto perked up and grinned.

"I learned how to summon toads, and how to do the Rasengan!"

"Really? All that? That's very impressive!" Mikoto said cheerfully. "But Jiraiya-sama, really… If what Tsunade-sama has told me is correct, then my eldest son will be after Naruto."

"As will the rest of Akatsuki," Jiraiya reminded her. Mikoto crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.

"What else would you teach him, Jiraiya-sama?"

"Well, how to better control his… Other power," Jiraiya said.

"And?"

The Toad Sannin waved his hand vaguely.

"It depends on how fast he learns."

"You know Jiraiya-sama, being an effective ninja is not all about more and more power," Mikoto pointed out.

"Yes, but certain types of ninja do well with that approach," Jiraiya countered.

"How about this? If you allow me to teach Naruto for a whole year, I will let you have all of my own research from around the world," Mikoto said.

"Done," Jiraiya said.

"Huh?!" Naruto gasped. "H-Hey! You're just going to trade me for-for perverted manuals?!"

"Naruto," Jiraiya said, speaking extremely seriously. He gave Naruto a forceful expression, that immediately had the blonde's complete attention. "Mikoto is a fine kunoichi, who will teach you many things that even I could not. Trust in her, as I have trusted her. And as I have trusted in you to learn what I have to teach you."

Naruto stared in amazement. Jiraiya had seemed like a true ninja only a few times in Naruto's eyes, but never before had he been so… Noble. So… Cool.

"So please Naruto… Trust in me, who trusts in you and her!" Jiraiya spoke forcefully, standing up and looking dramatically into the distance. Naruto felt manly tears come to his eyes.

"I-I will, sensei! I will!"

The coolness vanished, and what was left in it's place was, as usual, a perverted old man. Who was eagerly gathering up the manuals, scrolls, and books into a scroll.

"All right, take care Naruto! Good luck, Mikoto-chan!" He held a hand up to the side of his mouth and grinned.

"You're gonna need it!"

"H-Hey!" Naruto shouted, but Jiraiya abruptly vanished. Mikoto chuckled.

"Same old Jiraiya-sama…"

Outside the restaurant…

"Dude… I hope we don't get sued for this," Akira mumbled.

"Sued? For what?" Kensuke asked.

"… Nevermind."

- - - - - - - - - -

Next time: Mikoto and Naruto go house hunting, while Akatsuki receives news of Itachi's recently returned mother! What will the fallout be, and can Naruto keep his sanity and good health while traveling around with his new sensei? All this and more on the next "A Very Long Vacation!"