Inspired by Chapter 16 of reddwarfaddict's TARDIS Drabbles Of Randomness series.

Let's say this falls somewhere between "New Earth" and "Tooth and Claw"

Disclaimer: Surprise, surprise, I don't own Doctor Who. Nor do I get anything from writing these stories--except wonderful, constructive reviews! Wink, wink; nudge, nudge ;)

There it was. Right on the TARDIS console. A big, red, threatening button, quite blatantly labeled "Must Not Be Pressed Under Any Circumstances".

The Doctor had been slightly suspicious when he'd found Rose already in the console room that morning. Even on the rare occasions when he slept he usually got up before she did. Now he had his answer. She'd snuck in here to set up this, what? Trap? Test?

Sure, he'd made a big deal about not being able to resist pushing the button on the Sycorax ship, but that was just him being melodramatic--was that another quality of the new him? Melodrama? Anyway, he'd known precisely of what blood control was capable. He'd known nothing bad was going to happen. He hadn't really needed to push it just because it was there. He really didn't need to push this button just because it was staring him in the face, taunting him . . . .

The Doctor made idle conversation while he paced around the console, trying to figure out just what the button did. Rose wasn't any help. She just pretended that she wasn't watching his every move, waiting for him to bring up the intruder among his magnificent ship's array of buttons, switches, levers, and other gizmos. The Doctor realized there was no way he was going to be able to investigate the button without her knowing exactly what he was doing, so he decided to just ignore it. At least, that was his intention.



"You want some tea? I'm dying for a good cuppa tea. Could you make some tea?" Quite smooth, if he did say so himself. Rose didn't seem the least suspicious, which he should have found curious since it was quite obviously she that had installed the offensive button to begin with, and she should be eagerly watching to see what he'd make of it.

"Sure, I'll be in the kitchen," she said, getting up from the captain's chair, and exiting the console room.

Immediately, the Doctor was crouched in front of the button, sonic screwdriver in hand. There it was. A big red button, with a duct tape label below it. He couldn't get any energy readings, but next to the time rotor it would need a fairly large power source in order for the screwdriver to detect anything. He couldn't see any protruding wires. He sniffed it. Nothing too noticeable, just the faintest trace of what might be perfume--again, obviously Rose's doing. He licked it. Just plastic. There didn't seem to be anything to it but the button itself. A great big plastic button that he really, really, didn't need to push.

He stood, glancing down the corridor to make certain that Rose was not sneaking back in to watch him. Confident of his solitude, the Doctor walked back to the console and did the only thing he could think of. Standing as far from the console as he could while still being able to reach it, he turned his head partly away, closed one eye, and extended his arm.

He pressed the button.

An ear-splitting wail was the first thing the Doctor noticed. As he frantically tried to silence the alarm, he knew he'd fallen right into Rose's little trap. Maybe he really couldn't resist pushing buttons. Or maybe he was perfectly within his rights to inspect his ship.

Either way, there was no way Rose wouldn't know what he'd done. If she somehow hadn't heard the commotion, she'd still detect the button's second tamper feature. Even as the Doctor's hand had first jerked away from the evil device, a cool liquid had squirted onto it. He'd never smelt Rose wearing the perfume, and was immensely grateful for that fact. But the offensive odor would linger in the console room for quite some time, and even longer on his skin if he didn't find a proper solvent, and fast.

Determined to at least end the assault on his ears, the Doctor tore the button away from the console. Inside, he found the small bottle of cheap perfume that Mickey had given Rose at Christmas, and a key fob panic button. He pressed the panic button, filling the console room with blessed silence. Silence that was broken by the most terrifying sound the Doctor could imagine at that instant: Rose's laughter.

There she stood, in the doorway from the corridor, two steaming mugs of tea in hand. Laughing. She was nearly doubled over, threatening to spill the tea at any moment. Fearing more for the exposed circuits below the grating at her feet than for his own dignity, the Doctor walked over to her and took the mugs from her, waiting patiently for her fit of giggles to end.

"I knew it!" she gasped when she could catch her breath. "You really couldn't resist, could you?!" Her attitude was really insufferable, but her smile was almost worth it.

What could he say?

Without a proper comeback, he was left with only one option. He'd have to get revenge.

To be continued....