Hey everyone. Here is a small RANDOM oneshot for you to read during the gap of completing my Chef Returns Story. It's in Cartmans POV, with a little bit of Kyle popping up here and there (presented in italics). It might be slightly rubbish and tenses might be out of place, so please forgive me. Anyways, please read and enjoy.

I guess you're reading this because you took an interest into 'chilling' stories then? Ha ha, sorry, I couldn't resist saying that. Don't worry, you'll eventually get it. Ah yes, I haven't properly introduced myself yet. Well, my name is Eric Cartman. This name shall be famous for all time,

HA! I doubt that!

Hey, take that back Jew

No chance fat ass!

Get back here and say that to my face! Kyle! KYLE! Damn, the little rat escaped. Well I deal with him later. I guess he forgot I saved his life only yesterday.


What's that, you don't know about this story? You want to hear it? Well then, I would be GLADLY to tell you the full story then. Sit back, ladies and gentleman, and I shall tell you the story of how I saved South Park from the 'cold' clutches of evil. Ha ha, another joke. Sorry.

Well, it all began two days ago, in my hometown of South Park. Where me and my friends; Kenny, Stan and Kyle, were on the bus heading to school. As usual, we would be getting English first, then maths followed by lunch and art. Yet another simple day. But little did we know that we were heading for the first round of trouble.

As we got there, we sat on our seats and got ready for our teacher to come in. And, as always, he would come in with a sharp glare in his eyes. That's what returning from a weekend does. It only affects older people, just to let you know. But back to the story, he came in and began to write our English work on the blackboard. It was peaceful for a short while but we received a knock on the door and it was Mr Mackey, with another girl.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you," he said, "But you have a new student entering your class," He then let this girl into the class and she stood in front of the board. From first glance, I can tell you, there was something wrong about this girl. Her clothes were blue, light blue beret, blue jacket and dark blue trousers. Her hair was pure white. As white as our mountain snow, and THAT'S saying something. Her eyes were crystal blue and cold. When I looked at her, it sent shivers down my spine. Damn, she was so creepy. She introduced herself, like any new student would. Her name was Rin, she said it was Japanese, but she hardly looked Japanese. She then explained a few things, like what school she went before here and such. But her voice, it had no life. So damn freaky. After the torture of listening to that voice of hers, Mr Garrison then decided where she would sit, and guess what? She sat next to me. What joy. But this part freaked me out the most. When she finally sat next to me, I could feel a slight chill in the air. The rest of the class, I could tell, felt that too. Yet they ignored it, like the assholes they are. As what I usually do, I treated her like part of the class.

"Damn, kid. Why do you dress like that?" I whispered to her while we were doing our work. She didn't answer

"HEY, I SAID WHY DO YOU DRESS LIKE THAT?!" I whispered louder to her. No reply again. I just slumped back into my desk. She TOTALLY ignored me. I then began to prod her with my pencil, on her arm, to her shoulder, her neck and eventually to her head. I just kept prodding for about 10 minutes and then she just turned around so sharply.

"Can you PLEASE stop prodding me with that pencil and STOP annoying me" She hissed to me loudly. That was unexpected. She then went back to working. I then wiped my face of her spit but the droplets were ice cold. They were sticking to my face, like ice. Now that is what I call weird.

After that quarrel with her, it flew into lunchtime. There she was sitting. All alone, in one of the empty tables. I looked to my friends who were eating their lunch and I sparked the first question for the day.

"So, what do you think about that new girl?" The trio looked at me, wondering why I came out with that question at that point of time.

"Quiet," Kyle said,

"Shy," Stan replied,

"Creepy," Kenny said. Kyle and Stan looked at him, then to me, and then back to him.

"Well she IS," he said again,

"I couldn't agree with you more," I said also, Kyle's face looked like he was annoyed,

"Cartman, that is not very nice. She is only new here. How would you feel," Kyle fought back. That's Kyle for you, always taking the opposing side.

"Well why not go over and make friends with her then," I said pointing to her. Kyle simply nodded and took his lunch over to her. I could not tell what they were talking about. I can't lip read. All I know is that out of all that talking, I did not see one smile on that girls face.

He hanged about with her all of lunchtime, the Jew. I even saw the girls go over to her. Here table was crowded now. Stan and Kenny deserted me and joined the table. This was crazy. I eventually sneaked up to the crowd and listened in. They were talking about going up to the cave next to Starks Pond, to teach her to skate. Like she needs to, she is practically as cold as ice. Then the bell rang and we went to class. For the rest of the day, nothing happened. I went home, alone. And I never saw anyone for the rest of the night.

When I got up the next morning and got ready for the school day, I did not realise the more trouble that was about to happen.

As I waited for my other friends to arrive, they did not appear. It was so strange, I thought to myself. It was not like them to miss school, especially Jew boy. But then I figured out, they were probably with that Rin girl again. God, she was just so god damn freaky. As the bus came, they were still not there, but I went freakier. When I stepped on the bus, nobody from my grade was there. Half of my class made up the population of the bus so it was practically empty. As I took my seat, I began to think something else. Maybe there was something on, and I should be there right now? But I listen in class...

What Cartman? You NEVER listen in class!

EY! Shut up you Stupid Jew. You get back here RIGHT NOW! KYLE! Oh god damn it! He's gone AGAIN! Wait till I get him again.

Anyways, as I was saying before I was RUDELY interrupted. I begun to think I might've missed something, but then I remember that there WAS nothing on at all. So then I went back to my past suspicion. They're all with Rin.

When I entered the school ground and to my classroom, nobody was in. It was empty, and quiet, and... so AWESOME! Finally, nobody to annoy me now and Now I can become Top of the Class!

Yet my dream was shattered when the school got worried about the kids' disappearance. It was simple; find the kids, free day off school. Sounds like my type of plan. Only problem is, I can't be bothered to look for them. And I bet I know what you're thinking. "They're your friends, you should help them.""What about friends looking out for each other?" Well you know what, I don't care! They can die with some guy molestation them, SCREW THEM!

But of course, I was forced to look for them. With the school, they planned to look all over town and then to the next town over. But they were so stupid. Instead, I went to the place they said they were going. The cave down by Starks Pond. So I left the teachers on a wild goose chase and begun walking to the pond.

As I was walking though, I began to think to myself again. What would I get if I found them? I would become a hero, that's one thing. Number two, I guess they would all respect me, and my favourite. Number three, REWARD ME! Since of course I saved their lives, they would want to repay me wouldn't they? What shall it be? A lifetime supply of cheesy poofs? Riches? ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE! Now that I was more eager to find them, I began to run up to the cave and entered it at no stopping

I kept running for 10 minutes. Damn, was that tunnel long?! Longer than the last time, strangely enough. But I did not think about that at the time. I just kept running. As I got deeper into the cave, the colder it got. But it didn't stop me. I was getting tired, but that didn't stop me. The only thing that did stop me was when I tripped over something on the road. I went flying and slammed into the ground.

"OW!" I moaned, "What the hell was that?!" As I got up, I found out it was a large piece of ice. I then looked around and I seen THE MOST WEIRDEST THING EVER. The room was covered in ICE SCULPCERS! There was a hole in the roof so the light came in and made the statues glisten in the light. Damn it was beautiful, yet so cold. I wanted to get a better look at them. I chose this one which posed as if it was terrified. But then I felt, that I seen it before. Upon closer inspection, I discovered something at made me jump back and knock over another statue. IT WAS BUTTERS!! And the figure I knocked over, Kenny. But I think I killed him, as he was now split into millions of shards of ice.

"OH My God, I killed Kenny," I yelled. I then listened for the reply of Jew boy, nothing. But the bigger question that is more important is, how did this happen?

I continued looking around the statues, I saw Craig, Wendy, Pip, Timmy, Stan, and Bebe and then I saw him.

"Kyle," I called to him. He was frozen in space, he was pointing to up to the sky for some reason, but I didn't care. THIS was my biggest opportunity to get back at the Jew. All those times he annoyed me, all the times he ruined my plans. Now, I can kill him. But, after saying that, I heard a whistle of wind and a huge gust filled the room. I shivered as the wind then gathered into one place, on the ledge. And before my eyes, the wind formed into that creepy new girl, Rin. Now I got what Kyle was pointing to. She must've been the cause for this.

"So you dare trespass this cave, why do you come here?" She asked me in her cold voice,

"I came for my friends," I said, "What the hell happened?"

She giggled, "What I done to them is only natural for me, for I am the wind,"

"What kind of s—t is that?!" I cried, "What the f—k, dude you need some therapy,"

"SILENCE!" she screamed. The whole gave filed with another gust which knocked me over and shoved me up against the wall. She flew down and picked me up as if I was as light as a feather.

HA HA! "Light as a feather" Can you say any more lies? HA HA!

GOD DAMN IT KYLE! GET THE HELL OUT MY STORY! Alright, THAT'S IT! I'm locking me in this room now! He'll never get into this room now! He he. That stupid Jew.


There, the doors locked. Now then, where was I? Oh that's right.

She flew down and picked me up as if I was as light as a feather. Her grasp was cold. This girl was COMPLETELY NUTS!

"Ow, that the hell are you doing?!" I yelled at her,

"SHUT UP!" she screamed at me, "You pitiful humans make me sick. How dare you destroy this Earth?! Because of your impedance, the polar ice caps are melting and I have lost me home.

"Dude, seriously, WHAT THE F—K! You're a kid. Kids live in houses, not in the North Pole. And NORMAL kids don't have cold fists like you have, you freak"

"STOP CALLING ME A FREAK!" She screamed at her highest voice, so loud that her spit turned to icicles.

"I'm not a normal child," she began, "I am the north wind."

"The north wind?" I repeated,

"Yes," she replied. Softening my grip. Her eyes began to water. I could easily tell that she was scared. Maybe I should've gone easy on her.

"Well that makes all the difference," I said, going into my pocket.

"Really," she said looking at me with her watery eyes.

"No," I replied straight and then pulled out a gun from my pocket and shot her brains out. She died instantly and fell to the ground.

The spell broke and my classmates became unfrozen. They were unaware where they were.

"What's going on?" Wendy asked her friends, they shrugged. Everyone had no recollection at all of what happened to them. Good thing too. I then took my chance to speak to them.

"Right guys, we've had a long day. I don't even know what happened. Now let's get out of here, our parents must be worried sick." I lied. They believed it and we all went home.

And that's about it. I then went back to the cave that night to bury Rins body. I buried her up the mountains. Next to the volcano, so when it ever erupts again, her body shall be burned. What I found ironic was that her name was in Japanese and it means 'cold' Now I know why that was her name then.

And so ends the terrible times of the late Rin. Thank you for reading this story, was I right or wrong? Now I must 'fly' off now. HA HA sorry, last one. I must be going now.

Good bye


Um, how do I get out? Where's the key. It was in the table. Damn, where is it? Oh wait, there's Kyle. KYLE! Open this door! Come on Kyle! What's that? HE'S GOT THE KEY!! HEY BUTTHOLE! GET THIS DOOR OPEN NOW!


So there you go. Like it? Hate it? Please review.

And like I said before. This was RANDOM!

Thank you for reading