Denial, Revisited

Disclaimer: The Rachel of DOOM does not own Heero, Duo, Trowa, and would rather cut her foot off than own Relena, insipid, pig-eyed monstrousity that she is. So, no don't own Gundam Wing, and have never claimed to. I do own Nucleogenesis Part 2, though. So neeh. However, the Rachel of DOOM is quite interested in owning Floria del Guiz, so if Mary Gentle is reading this, hello. All your Burgundian surgeon are belong to me - for great kugging!

Aaaand back to the Gundam ShortFic. This was churned out after reading the 'Ground Zero' manga (which is set after the TV series, possums) and I was rather distraught that there wasn't more 1x2. So if you don't like shounen-ai, I warn you now; SHOUNEN-AI. Or, rather, 1x2 fluff.... Anyways, here are Heero's musings from after he left the Peacecraft creature Relena in the rose garden...

Heero watched the petals drift across the expansive gardens, nothing more than his eyes moving as he stood in the shadows. The rest of the rose garden was flooded with warm sunshine, and the faintest scent of the full red flowers reached the Gundam pilot's sensitive nose.

He let his eyes move up from the rose petals that were gathered by the wind from the bushes and scattered up into the air, and his intense blue eyes fell upon the stately shape of mansion where the peace treaty was due to be signed. He'd left Relena inside of it, somewhere, sleeping.

She had obviously been delirious. Crying, feverish, and asking him to come back and see her. Heero sighed. That didn't sound like a very good idea to him, and it certainly wasn't an objective decision on Relena's behalf. The Perfect Soldier didn't care much for decisions based on emotions.

He looked away from the mansion, back out into the rose bushes, his back up against a tall, shady tree. The bark scraped at the leather of his jacket. He thought about what Trowa had said inside the ruins of the colony on the asteroid. You don't seem to have a lot of difficulty in controlling your emotions.

Heero grunted. He'd told Trowa he enjoyed the control. But he'd started to have second thoughts. Often what he took for control was suppression. When he felt something, he suppressed it. He was a warrior, after all. Warriors couldn't afford to be emotional in battle.

But the war was over.

That was what Relena's disarmament treaty was for. He could afford to have feelings every once in a while now, couldn't he? Or, at least, act upon the feelings he tried to ignore. Unbidden, Duo's face crept up out of Heero's memory. That familiar, thick chestnut braid, and those large, shining eyes. Heero almost smiled, before reflex slammed a shutter down over his features.

Heero let himself frown at this reaction. Both reactions. He didn't have to choke off any outward display of emotion now, his enemies were all long gone. It would take practise, but perhaps he could reintegrate himself into normal society. Duo didn't seem to be having any problems, returning to his old work as a salvage dealer.

The Perfect Soldier's mind went back to its Duo-shaped thoughts. He remembered when he'd first met Duo. Because of Relena, the pilot of Deathscythe had actually shot him. Heero scowled, his face darkening. That incident had caused more problems than Heero had liked. Heero had taken a rather instant dislike to Duo, then. But the more time he spent with the American pilot, the more he had become less of a distraction and more of... a friend?

But the other pilots, Trowa, Quatre and even Wufei, they had become friends, after a fashion, and after a while, too. So why was Duo different? Heero's eyes narrowed. Why was he even standing around on Earth thinking about this? Surely he had better things to do.

Pushing himself up off of the tree, without so much as backward glance at Relena's mansion, Heero strode away toward the wall he had originally vaulted over. Halfway there, he stopped, struck by a sudden thought. This was suppression of emotion again. Heero blinked slightly, finding that he didn't even like thinking about his own emotions.

He stood quietly for a while, wondering if he would ever be able to overcome this problem. How could he leave in this new, pacifist world, if he couldn't? Heero hung his head. He couldn't think of a way for this to be, and sighed deeply.

Was that all he was now, then? A failure? He'd for for peace, and now what? He couldn't enjoy it? Heero ground his teeth, and looked upwards, staring defiantly at the sun. He couldn't remember the last time he'd found himself in such turmoil, but he was a fighter. He could fight it, couldn't he?

Then a sudden thought struck him.


Duo always knew when to laugh, when to cry, when to crack a joke. And he never lied. Heero felt the sun, warm on his face, and slowly, carefully he smiled. The future was never certain, his less than most, but if there was one thing he could count on, it would be Duo laughing at the things to come.

As he left the rose garden without looking back, Heero knew one thing was for certain. If Duo was going to be laughing, then Heero wanted to be there laughing with him.