Summary: Dean's soul is reunited with his body. Will being back be just another kind of Hell?
Disclaimer: Not mine. Kripke et al. owns Supernatural.
A/N: Thank you as always to the readers, reviewers, and people who've alerted or favorited this story. Many apologies for not answering reviews, but please know they make my week!
After the extremely crappy and depressing week I've just had, I thought I deserved some writing-for-fun time … Here's hoping my research paper will be just as easily written.
Chapter 13: Being Obligated
He heard movement outside the door and knew Sam had seen his breakdown, but at this very moment he didn't much care. He needed to get a grip on himself and end this self-inflicted chick flick moment.
He took a deep breath and wiped the tears from his face. He knew Sam would be back any second under the pretense of finishing cleaning up the mess he had made, but in reality he'd be there to check up on him. No doubt they'd each pretend that he hadn't just lost it. That thought angered him for some reason.
He wanted some measure of control back over his life but his body was too weak to move very much. He basically had no control over anything including his emotions. He swallowed hard trying to hold back more tears and discovered one thing that he could control.
He grasps the feeding tube coming out of his nose and starts to slowly pull it out not caring what damage he could be causing to himself. This was something he could somewhat control. He knew he wouldn't be eating bacon cheeseburgers with extra onions any time soon, but at least he could determine what he did eat from now on.
He was still pulling the tube out when he hears Sam walking in and saying:
"Dean I just need to finish— Dean! What the hell do you think you're doing!?"
Sam decides to retreat back to the kitchen to give his brother and himself some time to regain some measure of control over their emotions. He walks back to the kitchen and sits down at the table taking deep breaths and wiping the tears off his face.
He never thought it would be so difficult to have his brother back with him. He thought it would simply be a joyful reunion and they could go back to hunting or maybe just settle down somewhere and live semi-normal lives for a change. Heck, he'd even accept them having a home base and hunting part time.
But, as time went on, and he and Bobby were no closer to finding a solution, he knew he could never have joyful or normal without his brother by his side. And, as Dean's body miraculously kept on going despite not having a soul, all Sam could think about was getting his brother out of Hell.
And, now, it seemed that though Dean was back, he was not yet out of Hell. His brother's body had lost muscle mass and though healed from the Hellhounds horrendous wounds, it would still need massive amounts of physical therapy to get back into shape. Sam hoped his stubbornly independent brother would swallow some of his pride and accept help in his recovery.
He gets up from the table and goes over to the sink to get some dish cloths to finish wiping up the mess on the floor of their bedroom. As he heads back toward their bedroom, he starts speaking loudly enough for Dean to be prepared for his arrival.
What he didn't expect was to see his brother pulling out his feeding tube.
"Dean! What the Hell do you think you're doing!?" he says as he lunges to stop Dean from pulling it completely out.
But, just as he gets close enough, Dean yanks one more time and the tube is completely out, saying:
"What? Dean, you're stomach is in no way ready for solid foods yet. It should stay in at least a little while longer until you—"
"No. I'm awake now. I know I can't eat solid foods yet, but there are plenty of things I can drink so that I can work my way back to eating real food again."
"You could have just asked and I would've helped."
"I knew we'd have this argument regardless so I just did it, get over it."
"Fine," he huffs as he moves around the bed to finish cleaning up the mess from lunch.
He ignores his brother for the moment and finishes cleaning up the mess. As he stands, Dean calls his name again.
"What?" he snaps, keeping his back to Dean and trying to control his growing anger at the stupidity of older brothers.
"Sammy, I'm sorry. I know you must be tired of having to take care of me when you could be doing something else better with your life, and now that I'm awake I just want to get strong enough so you can go back to whatever life you had made for yourself while I was gone."
Sam can't believe what he's hearing and closes his eyes to keep control of his temper, but when his brother suggests that Sam even had another life without Dean, he can't take it any longer.
"Are you insane!?" he yells as he turns around and steps up to the head of Dean's bed.
"How could you ever think I could get on with my life when you were suffering in Hell and your body was just a soulless husk lying in a hospital! Getting your soul back from Hell was the only thing I could think about doing these last months."
Realizing he's standing over his brother in a threatening manner, he takes a step back and sits on his bed, letting out a frustrated sigh. "All I wanted is for you to be out of Hell and for us to be brothers again. You can't get rid of me that easily."
Sam sees that his brother is shocked by the outburst and notices the conflicting emotions running over his brother's face, but in the end he sees Dean smirk and say:
"Dude. Chill. I never said I didn't want you around, I just didn't want you to feel obligated."
"The only thing I feel obligated to do right now is get myself some lunch. I'm starving." He gets up off his bed and heads towards the door.
"Me too. I wish pie came in liquid form."
"Dude, gross! How does a protein shake sound?" Sam says as he's walking out the door.
"Can't wait. Do they have pie flavor?" Sam hears Dean yell back at him as he's walking toward the kitchen.
Dean had noticed that his brother had been crying and wasn't sure what to do or say. When he decided to bait his brother into that outburst, he had had no idea what to expect, but this wasn't it. He hadn't wanted Sam to put his life on hold for him. He'd wanted Sam to build a new life after he was gone – one perhaps that didn't involve hunting or at least involved a girlfriend.
In the end he was grateful for what Sammy had said. He never knew that his brother felt so strongly about him. Even though the word "love" was never used, it permeated everything Sammy had said.
If anything, it made Dean feel even more obligated to take back control over his body and get his life back. A life that would always include his little brother. No matter what.
Thanks for reading! All mistakes are mine. I just finished writing this so sorry for any glaring errors…