The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride - Scene 1
The Billion-Dollar Princess Bride
Part 1

"Hey Cousin Crash! How are ya feelin'?" a cheery Molly Holly spoke as she bounded into her sick Cousin's room.

"Real yucky," Crash replied, blowing his nose as he wrapped the bedsheets around himself tighter.

"Oh… um… well, I got somthin' that'll cheer ya right up!"


"Cousin Hardcore is here!"

Crash frowned, "Awww man… He'll smack me upside the head and yell at me for bein' a wimp,"

"Awwww c'mon, Crash… he won't do that!"

"Hey! Whatcha' sitting then feeling sorry for yourself? You're a Holly, not a wimp!" Hardcore Holly began as he entered the bedroom. He went up to crash and smacked him upside the head.

"I'll leave you two boys alone," Molly giggled, then headed out.

Hardcore sat on the chair beside Crash's bed and handed him a wrapped present, "I brought you something,"

"Ooooh! What is it, Cousin?"

"Well open it up and you'll see!" Hardcore replied.

Crash ripped off the paper, and studied the object in his hand, less then enthused, "A book?"

"That's right! MY big cousin read it to me when I was sick, and now I'm gonna read it to YOU! So sit back and shut up,"

"Uh... sure, Cousin," Crash spoke, afraid to say no.

"Good," Hardcore replied, "Now let's start..."


[From here on, Hardcore Holly will be referred to as the Narrator]

Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Stephanie, the daughter of Vince McMahon. She was raised in a large, tasteful mansion in Stamford, Connecticut. Her favorite past-times were driving her porsche, and tormenting the wrestlers that worked for her father. One particular wrestler was named Jericho. Nothing gave Stephanie as much pleasure as tormenting Jericho.

Stephanie: [to Jericho] Y2Jerk, wax my porsche. I want to see my face shining in it by morning!

Jericho: [muttering] Bottom-feeding trashbag ho!

Narrator: 'Bottom-feeding trashbag ho' was all Jericho ever said.

Stephanie: [holding out an empty cup] Y2Jerk, refill my coffee!

Jericho: [taking the cup] Bottom-feeding trashbag ho!

Narrator: The other wrestlers started realizing the reason Jericho called Stephanie a 'bottom-feeding trashbag ho' was because he had a crush on her and refused to admit it. Even more amazing was that they realized Stephanie had a crush on Jericho too, but refused to admit it as well.

Stephanie: Y2Jerk, tonight you're jobbing to X-pac!

Jericho: [jobs to X-Pac] Bottom-feeding trashbag ho!

Narrator: Jericho had no chance of winning the WWF title since Vince only cared about the big guys. Instead, he packed his few belongings and left the WWF to seek a championship in Japan. It was a very emotional time for Stephanie.

Stephanie: [smiling evilly] I'll never see you again...

Jericho: Of course you will.

Stephanie: Yeah, well… maybe something will happen to you!

Jericho: I'll always return to torment you.

Stephanie: But how can you be sure?

Jericho: I hate you. You think I hate EVERYONE I meet? [Jericho then grabs Stephanie and kisses her, despite her struggling and protests. He smirks, then leaves]

Narrator: Jericho didn't reach his destination. The ship heading to Japan was attacked by the Dread Pirate No-Seller. When Stephanie got the news that Jericho was squashed...

Crash Holly: [interrupting] Squashed by pirates is cool!

Narrator: Shut up before I beat you! [clears his throat, then continues] When Stephanie got the news that Jericho was squashed... she went into her room and shut the door, realizing life just wouldn't be the same any more without him.

Stephanie: [sad and heartbroken] I will never torment anyone again...