A/N: Repost under new account. Not plagiarised from mars2192. I am mars2192.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I'm just having fun.My Point Of No Return
Your things are in the back of your car. Not all of your things; just enough to last you however long it will take you to drive to your parents' house. This, your midnight dash to escape the pain; the guilt of ruining four people's lives.
Four. Four you say, because you know that you have murdered any chance of a child growing up in a family with two parents that love it. Because you selfishly had sex with its father in the on call room while its mother was at home alone going into labour. You've become everything you tried so hard not to become. You've become your mother. You're a home wrecker.
Except maybe you're not. Because if he'd been so concerned about breaking up his family or if he really loved his child's mother, then he wouldn't have been with you in the on call room. You think that as if it should relieve your guilt. But if you were really concerned about breaking up his family or if you really loved your fiancé, then you wouldn't have been in the on call room with him.
You wrote him a note. You needed to explain everything. You needed to tell him that he needs to move on. Because you have. Except you haven't, not in the sense you're telling him to. You're just moving yourself away from him, because it'll make things better for everyone if you aren't there to fuck up their lives.
The note is in his locker. You drove to his apartment block to post it through his letterbox. You stood outside the door of the apartment block, but you turned around because you couldn't walk in there, knowing everything you'd done. All the damage you'd caused. So you drove around some more, until you plucked up the courage to walk through the doors of the hospital.
You walked quickly, trying your hardest not to be noticed. But still you felt everyone looking at you, their eyes burning into you, silently judging you. You deserve to be judged. You walked to Dr Kelso's office, your hand tightly, shakily clutching your resignation notice. You slipped it through the narrow gap between the door and the floor. You knew he wouldn't be there, not at this hour. You walked to the locker room; you needed to empty it before you left for good. You took out the items, your stethoscope, the snacks you were saving to tide you through the next few shifts you were supposed to be working. Your Christening dress. That was when you realised you were still in your light blue scrubs. The ones he said he liked you in. The ones that reminded him of when you were dating. You stood up, something in your head suddenly telling you that you were doing the right thing when up until that point you were filled with doubt. You slipped the note through the vent gaps in his locker. And that's when it was final.
You retraced your steps, both literally and metaphorically. You reversed the route you took into the hospital and you looked at every feature in the hospital, but your brain played scenes from the last six years, the craziest six years of your life. Instead of taking the elevator, you took the stairs and saw you and him racing up the stairs on your first day. You passed the pharmacy, and saw you and him calling Turk Buttface. You passed the ICU and saw yourself calming him down during is first train wreck code. You passed the on call room and saw you and him destroying everything you'd both built.
When you sat back down in your car, you saw everything that happened after. You saw the look on Keith's face when he walked in you and him in the act. You saw the disgusted look on Carla's face when she realised what the two of you had done. You saw the look on Kim's of hurt and pain, two things the same but so different at that time. You saw the look of contempt she gave him as someone wheeled her towards the maternity ward. You saw him look between you and her, not knowing where his loyalties should lie. You saw him looking you as if to say you would sort this out later. You saw him turning away from you, keeping himself wrapped up in the chaos while you started to detach yourself. You stepped backwards and watched the bedlam continue. You almost felt as if you were being sucked out of the situation, and it was happening further and further away from you until you realised you were outside of the hospital. You heard the silence. You felt the cold wind blowing against your face. You looked at the illuminated Sacred Heart Hospital sign on the wall and realised it was the last time you would be here.
You got in your car, and drove away.
You sit now at traffic lights, the red light glowing brightly telling you to stop. You stare at them, waiting for them to tell you to go, but like a watched pot, it never changes. You close you eyes and look down, your lame attempt to keep yourself from crying. You stay there, just looking down until a car behinds you sounds its horn, and you realise for the first time since you left that you're not alone in the world. That you're not alone with your problems. That his problems are going to continue, even if you're gone.
As you speed down the slip road and onto the highway, the tears flow freely, relentlessly down your face.
This is your point of no return.