All your wonderful reviews have inspired me to update sooner rather than later, so here you go! I know it's short and it ends with another cliffhanger, but I'm working diligently on the next chapter, so I hope to update soon.
Chapter 7: Destruction
The war was over… and I lost.
There was no turning back because I didn't want to turn back. I didn't want to live. I didn't want to fight this anymore and I felt no shame in giving in to my darkest desire. I didn't consider the consequences because as far as I could see there were none.
No one would miss the bastard, Gregory House.
If anything I'm righting the wrongs of the universe. I should be dead. Amber should be alive. I know I can't bring her back by doing the once unthinkable, but maybe I can offer some peace for Wilson… and myself.
Wilson doesn't care about me anymore and he'll survive. He'll move on and finally get a life beyond this handicap. Yes, I just referred to myself as a handicap, because in truth, that's what I am.
He doesn't deserve this pain and he doesn't deserve to lose the remnants of his life for a worthless screw-up like me. I hold him back from a real life. I'm a handicap for Jimmy, Cuddy… even the ducklings would be better off without me.
I took a deep breath and swiftly pulled out my Vicodin. There were no more internal conflicts, voices, or hallucinations… just me and my pills. I guess that's the will of fate.
Suicide suddenly seemed reasonably, even logical, as I poured the white tablets into my palm. I wasn't scared or nervous, there was nothing holding me back. I felt eerily calm and oddly… happy.
I stared at the pills, contemplating what, if anything, lie beyond this. "Screw it," and with that I downed them all. It was actually easier than I thought. One swift movement and there was no turning back.
I leaned back on the couch and waited.
I'm not… I'm not going to kill myself.
I laughed at the memory. I may have been taking true delight in ending it all or I was slowly slipping into a drug-induced delirium. Either way, a genuine smile graced my lips.
My senses began to dull as the ringing of the phone fell to deaf ears and I suddenly found that the lights were dimming. A strange sensation, greater than any amount of alcohol, stripped away my inhibitions and spread through my body, but it felt nice… comfortable. It not only numbed the pain, but made all the pain dissolve away.
My phone went to voice-mail and I vaguely heard Wilson's strained voice calling my name. I laughed a little. I could feel sweat accumulating on my brow and I couldn't move. My breathing quickened and the room began to tilt. Exhaustion clouded my mind and I slowly shut my eyes.
As a kid I'd hold my breath as long as I could because I loved the peaceful feeling that'd overwhelm me. Now my body was gasping for air and the feeling returned.
Things were finally okay. Things were as they should be.
The last thing I heard was the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the lock accompanied by a panicked voice.
Goodbye, Wilson, was the final thought my mind could weave as my smile faded and I succumbed to darkness.
Thanks for the 19 comments on my last chapter! I was ecstatic when I read them.