"…you are my everything and more…"
"…you are my everything and more…"
Misa's new song sounded uninspiring and tuneless even to her own ears, which was certainly saying something, as she wasn't the most critical person in the world. For at least two and a half hours, she had been attempting, "attempting" being the operative word, to write a song for her Raito. No, not just a song-a masterpiece of passion and love that would leave her beloved speechless and awestruck, staring at her with the sort of longing that was present in that scrawny detective's eyes every time he looked at one of his sugary confections. Misa could imagine it now. Raito would look at her intently, eyes sparkling with tears gently stroke her cheek with long, slim fingers. "Misa," he would whisper. "You are the treasure of our new world." Just the daydream was enough to make her squeal and nearly fall out of her chair. No matter how improbable it seemed. She knew she could make Raito love her. But this goal would be sort of difficult unless he would show up and actually spend some time with her.
Misa began to tap her fingers against the wall in boredom and frustration. Raito had promised her (promised!) that he would be done with work by eleven o'clock at latest. Yes, that was what he'd said. Promised, actually. And Misa had make the mistake of trusting her sweetheart. Despite all the times times his promises had proven to be…Misa didn't want to say lies…but slightly inaccurate, Misa had felt hope that this time would be different. And this hope, unjustified as it was, had caused her to rush out and buy a new ridiculously expensive set of lingerie and matching nightgown to surprise him when he walked through the door. However, Misa was the surprised one when, instead of her beloved, it was a red-faced, bleeding-nosed Touta Matsuda that had entered her room. After berating (a generous way to say screaming at and banging her fists against his shoulders) his perverted mind, he'd informed her that Raito had found it necessary to work for several more hours. Despite the old adage, Misa had chosen to figuratively shoot the messenger. She had let up a high pitched wail and slapped Touta in the face. The poor man had taken one last glance at Misa's lacy push-up bra and then made a run for it. Misa had slammed the door behind him and burst into noisy tears. Another lonely night. But Misa was not defeated yet! She had an amazing idea; she would express her love in a beautiful song! Raito would never ignore her again! An hour and three torn up pages of lyrics later, this idea seemed considerably less amazing.
Okay, Misa would admit it, this was going nowhere. She really wasn't cut out to be a poet (or really, to be honest, anything else intellectual or artistic-sounding). Now she remembered why she paid her songwriter a small fortune instead of just doing it herself. Right. Okay. All Misa needed was a small break. It didn't mean she was giving up. Not at all!
She heard soft padding footsteps on the carpet, and a large spidery hand rested itself on her shoulder.
"Rem…" Misa acknowledged.
"Misa should not strain herself in this way. Inspiration will come to you when it will. Besides you do enough for that Yagami boy. The way I see it, he should do more for you."
"Oh, no, no, no, Rem!" Misa protested. "Raito works so hard to bring justice to the world! He is the perfect man! Misa just needs to get over her selfishness and try harder to make him happy!"
Rem looked as though about to roll her large yellow eyes. Could Shinigami even do that?
"What selfishness? And you know I don't trust that boy."
"Oh, whatever, Rem."
"Don't you whatever me, Misa-"
Suddenly the gothic girl was struck with a new seemingly brilliant idea. ("Seemingly" being the operative word here.)
"You know what, Rem!" Misa cried, gesturing wildly. "You may be a Shinigami, but even you need a little love in your life! Then you can stop this freaky obsession with Misa's love life! I've seen the way you look at Ryuk!"
Rem looked, for lack of a better word, flabbergasted. Her already round eyes widened to about the size of your average baseball. And for some inexplicable reason, she seemed to be highly amused.
"What the-how do you humans put it?-ahh, yes, what the hell? That is honestly the most ridiculous idea I think I have heard all day!"
"Awwww, come on!" Misa grinnned, completely unfazed by Rem's expression of complete disbelief. "Have a little fun!"
Rem had a sudden urge to bang her head on Misa's desk. And, oh. Speak of the devil. This couldn't be good.
"Why hello, ladies." The subject of their conversation and alleged object of Rem's affection's swung open the door and plunked down on the bed.
Rem's eyes narrowed. It was a well-known fact that she trusted Ryuk even less than his death note's owner.
"What are you doing here?"
Ryuk turned to Misa. "As fascinating as your little Raito is, I was beginning to find the unresolved sexual tension between him and Panda Eyes over there a just little tiresome. I mean, I wonder how long before one of them is going to crack and just shove the other one against some wall and-"
At this point, Misa let out a shriek of disgust and hurled her last page of crumpled up lyrics at the Shinigami.
"Shut up! You perverted Death God! Raito is Misa's and only Misa's! If that freak lays one filthy hand on MY Raito-"
Rem lay a comforting hand on Misa's shoulder once more when she noticed that tears were actually building up in the girl's round, blue eyes.
"It may have been in extremely poor taste," cue death glare at Ryuk. "but I'm sure it was only a joke. No need to become upset."
There was a long awkward pause as Misa and Rem both gave the other shinigami the dirtiest looks they could muster.
Suddenly Misa's expression brightened, as her "brilliant" idea came rushing back. The two Shinigami noticed this and their eyes grew wary.
"Hey, Ryuk," Misa began. "Misa was thinking and-"
Rem groaned. She had been hoping that Ryuk's statement about the relationship between L and Raito would have pushed all thoughts of matchmaking out of Misa's head.
"Shut up, Rem. Anyway Ryuk, have you ever had a girlfriend?"
Ryuk mentally slapped his forehead. No wonder Raito wanted to hit this girl all the time.
"No." he responded with false politeness. "Is there something prompting this question?"
Rem, being slightly perceptive, could tell that Ryuk's cordial response could be translated into something like, "No, dumbass. What? Don't believe me? Yeah, I know, I look like a real Cassanova, right?", but Misa didn't have that advantage. Blithely she continued.
"Yeah, there sure is! Misa thinks you and Rem would be perfect together!"
Another long silence, but the girl's hyperactive grin didn't falter.
"Well, that was abrupt." Ryuk commented. Unlike Rem, who looked definitely pissed, Ryuk simply seemed amused and incredulous.
"You see," he scratched his head. "Unlike humans, shinigami do not waste their time on this 'love' thing. We prefer to just sit back and watch. It's almost better than those TV dramas."
"But why?" Misa held out the vowel in 'why' for a long time. Rem recognized this as her whining voice.
Oh no, Rem thought. Soon she would pull out the puppy-dog eyes, and then Rem wouldn't be able to resist.
Instead of growing large and pitiful, however, Misa's eyes began to sparkle with mischief and (what she obviously perceived as) cunning instead. The girl directed her gaze at Ryuk this time.
"Misa knows where Raito hides Ryuk's apples." she smirked as conflict began to play itself out on the death god's features.
"Well..." he was hesitant. "That is a tempting offer, but what can I do about it. There is nothing we can do to change the fact that Shinigami don't love. It exactly that-a fact. A fact of nature."
Misa was quiet a moment, puzzling over his words. Her thoughts wandered to her own relationship with Raito and at last she came to a conclusion.
Misa grinned and winked. "That's okay!" she chirped. "You might not love each other now, but you will grow to love each other in time. You just need to give it a chance!"
Rem sighed. Of course Misa would think that way. "Uhh...love doesn't really work like that, you see-"
She was ignored, as Misa turned her gaze towards the other Shinigami. "Think about it," the girl said slyly. " Whole bags of apples, just rotting away in there..."
"Okay, already!" Ryuk had caved. Misa could almost see little sparkling apples reflected in his eyes. "What do you want me to do?"
"That's easy! Misa wants you and Rem to seal your love with a kiss!"
Rems eyes snapped open, and her gaze became murderous.
"Oh, hell n-"
Unfortunately for the poor Shinigami, however, Rem was cut off by her supposed soulmate. At Misa's first mention of apples, Ryuk's eyes had begun to glaze over and at this point the he could no longer be held responsible for his actions; he slammed his mouth (Shinigami don't really have lips) against Rem's.
Misa stared. And stared. And stared. Their kiss was pure, undiluted awkwardness with no technique, passion or tenderness. The two shinigamis' arms lay limply at their side, and Rem was a good foot taller than her partner. Neither shinigami trusted the other one and both kept their eyes wide open and staring.
Misa was beginning to truly regret her suggestion. Maybe there really was no hope for some couples. Ryuk and Rem were certain pretty hopeless, and it made Misa felt a wave of relief that even she and Raito had more chemistry than this. The so-called kiss was just horrible and neither death god was pulling away. To the contrary, their stares seemed to be growing more and more intense, as though it was some sort of power struggle. As though each was trying to force the other off them first with only their eyes. Misa hadn't felt like this much of an idiot since she had stepped in L's cake on that "date" which ended in L and Raito beating each other up. (Misa actually winced at the memory. She had liked those stockings.)
Had Misa not been stunned by the outcome of her efforts as matchmaker, she might not have been so surprised when Light suddenly appeared in the doorway. His usually perfect hair was tousled and his shirt was unbuttoned revealing a strip of skin that made Misa's stomach sort of somersault in a nice way. He also turned to stare at the horrid spectacle of Rem and Ryuk's kiss. Raito's eyes darted from the crumpled up papers of lyrics on the floor to his girlfriend's racy lingerie and back to the Kiss of Death again. At this point, both he and Misa were gaping in horror. And apparently neither Shinigami wanted to give up their little staring contest.
Dread spread through every vein in Misa's body. She opened her mouth to say something-anything-any words that would justify this awful situation,she would gladly offer, but no sound was coming out.
Misa's boyfriend turned toward her with an unspeakable deadpan expression. Misa's level of panic rose. She was beginning to wish she could just die on the spot.
"Misa," Raito stated, voice deceptively pleasant. "I am currently in possession of both Death Notes, so listen to me well. You are not to give Ryuk another apple ever again."