How To Write A Gakuen Alice Fanfic In Just A Few Simple Steps, Part The Third

A/N: Last chapter, probably! Thanks to anyone who faved or reviewed this thing – to anyone reading this, why not leave a review so I can start up a conversation or something? :)

Fukiwara Yuri: Thank you!

Illutiamist: Yay, thanks for reviewing again!

Cerespallas: Woop, another long review from you. I don't mind Narumi being so gay, but it gets … annoying in large quantities.

Secret.Wings: Thank you! 

Orange Sorbet: Thank you very much, I like Melonbeauty too. XD

My Hopeless Romantic: PM'ed

Marshmallow-chan35: Yay, danke.

Hitomi01: PM'ed

IamYours: Er … well, good for you!

GENERAL NOTE: This ENTIRE leaflet is written by ME and ME ONLY. I do NOT make fun of existing works and this leaflet is NOT a personal attack on anyone's work. This leaflet IS meant to be amusing and funny, and NOT me being nasty. :D

Besides, I probably do quite a few of these rules myself. I'm not the best fanfic writer out there by a long shot.

Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice does not belong to me, however, Princessessa Melonbeauty does. Yay?

Warning: Contains coarse language, violence and stuff.


How To Write A Gakuen Alice Fanfic In Just A Few Simple Steps, Part The Third


6. Some General Writing Rules To Remember

What will happen to Melonbeauty, Mikan and LucaRuka? Will Natsume be able to save them? Read the next instalment of "Gakuen Alice Fanfic" to find out!

6.1 Description is an important weapon in the armoury of a fanfic writer.

Melonbeauty landed in a dim, dank, shady, damp, moist, wet, black, gloomy, shadowy, dusky, murky, muddy, dirty hole. The walls were slimy, slippery, repulsive and green. The lime-green colour was caused by algae feeding on the waste of animals above who in turn fed on the algae, a subspecies of Lotsa descriptionus. The exact shade of green was more of a lemon-green jungle texture with overlaid bottle-green tessellation, much like the hue of Melonbeauty's flawless boogers (her perfection was such that even those were wondrous to behold). If you are wondering how it was possible to see the emerald shades (reminiscent of the Emerald City in "The Wizard Of Oz") of the nauseating sides of the cavity, well, there were also beautiful yet strange and wonderful fireflies that lit up the walls of the sinister fissure in which she bravely and courageously squatted with her perfect knees drawn up to her shapely and faultless abdomen. Her previously Alice-dry-cleaned prom dress was ruined with the stains of dirty, polluted, foul water. The walls of the abyss were about 6.356 metres high and extended above her at an angle of approximately 53 degrees clockwise with a curvature of 16 subtended to a ratio of 4.76:32 and integrated to a factor of x cubed, not forgetting the arbitrary constants A and B, which here are equal to 35.65 and -2. The only sounds to be heard were the croaks of exotic frogs and the buzz and hum of the aforementioned fireflies, and the smell was the odour of rotting decomposing fruit, or more specifically, bananas that have been left in the sun for three weeks.

6.2 Plot is another vital element. You really have to find the right balance between plot and description, see.

Melonbeauty ran. She bumped into LucaRuka. Then she bumped into Mikan. They wandered around the maze for a while then found the exit. Along the way they had to answer a few riddles, escape out of some traps and narrowly avoid death several times but I'm feeling lazy and can't be bothered to describe it all.

While they were in the labyrinth LucaRuka had a life revelation and realised that he loved Sumire, not Mikan, but I'm not quite sure how to express those feelings in words so I won't bother.

6.3 Visual imagery, simile, metaphor, hyperbole – they're like the icing on the Cake of Fanfic. Some people like more icing than others …

When LucaRuka, Mikan and the Princesssessa got out into the open air again, they were astounded at what they saw. The sun was just setting, and its pale pink light was the light of wonder and amazement. The children's relief at having gotten out of the maze was the relief of the lioness who finds that its cub has not died when the older lion tried to kill it. It was akin to the relief of the daisy when it sees that the lawnmower has not cut it down. It was similar to the relief of the chair who finds itself still standing after an elephant has sat on it. Perhaps it was comparable to the relief of the computer who has not imploded after someone has been watching porn. Or maybe it was even analogous to the relief of the eardrum when it has heard that the disco has been cancelled.

The beauty of the landscape around them was simply astounding; Melonbeauty would later say that no words could describe even one-twelfth of the splendour of it, and even that would be an overstatement. The first person to have seen Lothlorien in all its glory could not have been more dumbfounded than these children, who were rendered speechless by the magnificence of this sunset.

6.4 Put in a few author's notes every now and then. It's cool to let your readers know you're still with them. :D

Meanwhile, Natsume (A/N: he's so fit)was running around in circles outside the hole in which Melonbeauty had fallen. Eventually he mustered up enough strength to blast a hole into the hole (A/N don't ask me how that works it just does!). However, because they had already escaped (A/N actually they hadn't. No wait, they have. Oh yeah. Sorry bye!), Natsume couldn't see them, and got even more worried (A/N: hehe he's so cute when he worries about other ppl). After a few hours of waiting around (A/N: Natsume is so patient!), he decided it was no good. He'd have to go back to the Academy and ask for the teachers' (A/N lol Narumi is sooo cute) or the other pupils' (A/N: but not Mikan, Melonbeauty or LucaRuka OBVIOUSLY) help.

"Who could have done such a thing to three such innocent people?" he wondered out loud (A/N: that means he was actually speaking!) as he walked into the Elementary Division (A/N: thru the front door obviously). He was close to despair.

6.5 Keep the rating in mind.

(A/N: I dunno what the rating thing is about so I just clicked on the first one I think it's K is that ok?)

Natsume was sitting on the stairs with his head in his hands when Sumire found him.

"Hey bitchface whatcha doing here? I thought you were with that shithead Melonbeauty," said Sumire.

Natsume got so angry at his beloved being called a very rude word that he punched Sumire in the face, burnt a red welt down her cheek, and kicked her on her nose. Hard. She screamed in protest (unsurprisingly).

"ARGH!! You bastard donkey-cock-sucker ass-licker!" she shrieked.

Natsume got very, very cross at being called some more very rude words. In fact, he got so cross that he slapped her hard across her burnt cheek, to which she responded by using her Alice, turning into her cat-dog form and scratching him deeply on his wrists and face (they were the only parts of his exposed flesh that she could reach). There was so much blood that she slipped over in it and ripped one of her cat ears on the very pointy sharp stair railing.

Natsume was about to point and laugh at her, and then slowly torture her by burning both sets of her ears as well as bamboo shoots under her fingernails and all that jazz, but he was interrupted by some suspicious noises coming from the broom closet behind them. It sounded a lot like Narumi and Misaki-sensei … or perhaps it was Serina and Yuu? (It was very hard to tell, being as they were on the other side of a door and with Narumi's un-manliness.)

Because I am uncomfortable with describing anal sex in a broom closet, I will not attempt to. Have a good day imagining it.

6.6 It's Japan, so why not show off your knowledge by putting Japanese everywhere?

Melonbeauty and the others had just arrived at the back door of the Elementary Division of the Gakuen Arisu. They were met with AnnaandNonoko who greeted them enthusiastically.

"Konichiwa! Ohayo gozaimasu! Konbanwa! Arigato! Oyasuminasai! O genki desu ka? Watashiwa AnnaandNonoko desu!" they squealed happily.

"Eh?" said Melonbeauty, who as we know was from the land of Unicorniusiopia and therefore did not speak Japanese.

"Huh? You don't know Nihon-nese? That's like so KAWAII!!" they said, or rather, squeaked delightly. "Anata wa eigo o hanashimasu ka?"

"Eh?" said Melonbeauty again. Although she had the Alice of Alices and was therefore able to use the Alice of Languages, her recent traumatising experiences in the Labyrinth of Horrors (oh yes, we still don't know why they got trapped in there or who did it, do we?) had rendered her temporarily speechless and unable to call on her considerable powers.

"Wakarimasu ka?" asked AnnaandNonoko, a little worried.

Melonbeauty burst into tears.

"Uh… Toire wa doku desu ka?" said Mikan.

6.7 You must write a good conclusion that effectively ties up all your plot threads. A clichéd pairing might be good at this stage … if not for the whole fic.

At exactly that moment, Natsume burst out into the back courtyard of the Elementary Division, closely followed by Sumire who had been released from the Medical Wards from the second time in a week. They both crashed into Melonbeauty, Mikan, LucaRuka, AnnaandNonoko as well Narumi and Misaki who had both mysteriously appeared from behind a bush. (Probably a secret entrance into the broom closet.)

"Oh! You escaped!" said Natsume to Melonbeauty, Mikan and LucaRuka, very much surprised.

Mikan beamed cheerfully and nodded. LucaRuka nodded behind her and Melonbeauty sniffled and nodded into her handkerchief.

"But … who planned the whole maze trap anyway?" she asked, slightly muffled by the handkerchief.

"AHA!" shouted Sumire suddenly. "'Twas I, the evil mastermind behind that whole totally random unnecessary plot twist!"

Everyone else sweatdropped. "Er … Naze desu ka?" enquired AnnaandNonoko.

"You see, the Evil Swimming Pool Trap of Doom™ contained a capsule of my Evil Love Interest Mixer-Upper™ which you four have all been exposed to," said Sumire.

"No, I wasn't," said Natsume.

Sumire pouted and continued. "Ok, which you THREE were exposed to."

"No, I wasn't," said Melonbeauty. When everyone looked at her strangely, she continued, "I didn't fall into the pool – that was just LucaRuka and Mikan."

"Oh, whatever. Anyway, it causes all effects of any potions you have drank to be nullified, and makes your love interest change to something that would give me a benefit. MWAHAHAHA!" laughed Sumire.

In the end, it turned out that Mikan had fallen out of love with LucaRuka and into love with Natsume due to the effects of the Evil Love Interest Mixer-Upper™. They went out for a date at the Cool Cats Club with a picnic, and after that they realised they were meant for each other. Even their horoscopes said exactly the same thing. She came to realise that she had never truly loved LucaRuka; it was all just a cover-up of her faithful feelings for Natsume. Of course. Definitely. No doubt about it.

LucaRuka, as we have mentioned before, was in love with Sumire. With her cat-dog nature and his animal pheromones, they were a perfect match. They got married many years later on the same day as Mikan and Natsume.

Princessessa Melonbeauty is going out properly with Kokoroyome now. You remember before, she split herself into two and faked going out with him? Well, she managed to subtly convince him that she had always loved him and never Natsume, and because she had the Alice of Alices, Koko never found out the truth. And yet, Melonbeauty will always miss the love of her honey-bun sweetie-pie cherry-lips pinkie-finger fire-caster darling bunnywunny hugglepie tweetiebird Natsume.

AnnaandNonoko learnt English, moved to a liberal state in the USA and got married too, by the way.

Yuka came back from Cyprus and was very relieved that Narumi had found a new love of his life. (She had not heard of the exact circumstances surrounding Narumi and Misaki's arrest in Cyprus, so this was the first she'd heard of the relationship.)

Trhnjwctw married her instead, and together they lived on a farm way out in the Japanese countryside.

Hotaru (almost forgot!) found herself at a loss, for she had been totally replaced by both Sumire and Melonbeauty, who had together fulfilled her roles as 1) Mikan's best friend and 2) LucaRuka's girlfriend. Hotaru faded quietly out of existence and went to Manga Heaven, where she ate crab brains and shrimp all day long.

So they all lived happily ever after. Yay!

6.6 Oh yes, remember the author's note.

A/N: Hehehehe diD U lyK mY fiC?? pLz R&R nO fLaMeS PLZZZz!!

lUv, MeekanNatzumi4eVar1547

End Of Leaflet


A/N: Heh. Do you think I should post the whole bad!fic as a separate fanfic, so it would be easier to read?