Shit, I don't know if I dare to say anything at all about the updating schedule for this! XD No, better not. It popped into my head while I was blanked out waiting for an idea for Only You. So I typed it out thinking it was a one-shot and now a whole story has followed on. Which seems to happen a lot... I also got the idea for Only You that I needed so thank you writing gods, muses and all.

This may appear to be PWP, but there is a plot eventually. It just takes a while to get there as the characters have to get to know each other a bit first :)

It won't all be in this format either, most of the rest will look like a regular story.

SPOILERS: It's AU so none really – maybe L's real name at some point. But who doesn't know that by now? XD

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note or its characters. I own only the insane ramblings of my own mind aka this story.




Maskelyne: I don't deny he's a good writer. I'm merely saying that his books owe a lot of their popularity to his penchant for adding gay sex and bondage to the mix.

Lumiere: you think gay sex and bondage sells books? Getting somewhere here!

ttlmayhem: hahahaha gay sex!!

Maskelyne: I think there are a lot of kinky readers out there.

Lumiere: I hardly think gay sex counts as being kinky any more. It's more of a valid lifestyle.

Maskelyne: Are you aware that the first Civil Partnership in England was picketed by fundamentalist nutjobs?

Lumiere: nutjobs?

Maskelyne: work it out

VaVoom: Its scottish isn't it?

Lumiere: I did owrk it out thanks. I was just admiring the succintness of the word. God, it's hard to spell badly, who would have thought?

Maskelyne: Succinctness, boy genius!

Lumiere: Whatev. Anyways, there are always people who resist progreess. Go on, correct me on that one!

Maskelyne: Lumière's typing goes down the pan when he's excited.

Lumiere: I knew he would! Maskelyne is suffering from OCD watches M washing hands ten times and coming back to check the door for half an hour

Maskelyne: lol. So you think us all jumping into bed with same sex partner is progress? Sorry, progreeess.

ttlmayhem: gay sex, yeah, butt sex!!

Lumiere: Bitch. No, thats not what I said. But if you want to its not wrong.

Maskelyne: I have something you lost dear. ''''''

Lumiere: ?

Maskelyne: Apostrophes

ttlmayhem: pwnd Lume! XD XD XD

Lumiere: Funny gay.

Lumiere: guy.

Maskelyne: lol

VaVoom: are you guys gay?

ttlmayhem: hahaha gay for each other hahahahaha!!

Lumiere: private me, M

Maskelyne: What happened to dinner and a movie?


Lumiere: That was tiresome.

Maskelyne: Indeed.

Lumiere: Interesting conversation is difficult to find online.

Maskelyne: I'm flattered.

Lumiere: You seem older than some of them

Maskelyne: No just more intelligent. I'm actually quite childish in many ways.

Lumiere: Such as?

Maskelyne: Well... I like cake.

Lumiere: A lot of people like cake

Maskelyne: Not as much as I do.

Lumiere: And you're gay?

Maskelyne: Why would you think that, Lumière?

Lumiere: You like cake?

Maskelyne: lol

Lumiere: Have you ever had cybersex?

Maskelyne: Maybe

Lumiere: It's overrated. I wish I was old enough to, you know. The real thing. Do I sound impressionable enough? I certainly sound fairly stupid!

Maskelyne: Real sex? Surely you're not old enough for that?

Lumiere: I think I'm old enough! Yes, I definitely sound immature. Good.

Maskelyne: So just how old are you, Lumière?

Lumiere: Thirteen.

Maskelyne: We're the same age! Isn't that exciting?

Lumiere: Um, yes. This guy is strange. Maybe he really is a kid.

Maskelyne: And we have so much in common! We both like to read and we both like manga and tennis!

Lumiere: Talking of manga, don't you wish you could go to Japan?

Maskelyne: I've been to Japan.

Lumiere: You have? Me too!

Maskelyne: In fact, I'm in Japan now. My dad often comes over here to work. So I'm in Japan a lot.

Lumiere: No! My dad – fuck, I've forgotten my damn background! Oh yeah... is a teacher. Teaching English. He works in Japan all of the time since he got divorced from my mom.

Maskelyne: So you're – where?

Lumiere: Tokyo.

Maskelyne: Me too!

Lumiere: We could meet I need to find out how old he really is.

Maskelyne: I'd like that. Although it's not supposed to be a good idea to meet someone you talk to on the internet.

Lumiere: Scared?

Maskelyne: Cautious.

Lumiere: You think i'm some kind of pervert who wants to get you in a private place and rape you?

Maskelyne: Are you?

Lumiere: Fuck, no! Even if I was older than you I wouldn't hurt you.

Maskelyne: I wouldn't mind if you were older.

Lumiere: No. Me neither. Sometimes I think it'd be interesting. An older guy who knows his way around. If you know what I mean.

Maskelyne: I know exactly what you mean. Somebody who understands what to do.

Lumiere: So even if you were older than me, I wouldn't run away screaming.

Maskelyne: lol, I can't imagine Lumière screaming. He seems so confident and masculine.

Lumiere: I was thinking of M in just the same way. You inspire me with a feeling of trust. You seem to know more than I do about this kind of thing.

Maskelyne: No, I'm really very innocent. Does Lumière know the manga shop over the road from Shinjuku station?

Lumiere: Yes. Yes! That's one of the places this guy picks up his victims! Yes! I've got you now, bastard!

Maskelyne: We could meet there on Saturday.

Lumiere: How would I know you?

Maskelyne: I will carry the latest copy of Shonen Jump and be eating a mango flavoured lollipop.

Lumiere: Like I know what flavor it is just by looking.

Maskelyne: Good point. It's yellow.

Lumiere: Of course, you could just send me a photo of yourself. Let's see what you do with that idea, pervert!

Maskelyne: I don't like to send photos out randomly. But you could send me one if you like, then I can easily find you on Saturday.

Lumiere: I don't have one right now unless you want to see me one year old in a diaper.

Maskelyne: That sounds charming but I'll pass. So how will I recognise you Lumière? Unless you wish to do the same as me?

Lumiere: I don't eat sweets. I could bring the photo of me in a diaper though.

Maskelyne: You have a fetish for wearing nappies?

Lumiere: Just thought you might like to see it.

Maskelyne: I might have a photo of myself in the same embarrassing situation. I look very cute. In my cot, asleep with my thumb in my mouth.

Lumiere: That might be interesting. What's going on here? He's – doing the same thing I'm doing... if I'm thirteen years old, no way he'd think I'd be interested in cute baby pictures!

Maskelyne: Excuse me, Lumière. Can I ask you something?

Lumiere: Of course, M, ask me anything.

Maskelyne: Do you suspect me of being something other than what I profess to be?

Lumiere: Why would I suspect you of that, M?

Maskelyne: Because of the leading questions you're asking me.

Lumiere: What about the leading questions you're asking me?

Maskelyne: I think perhaps we should lay our cards on the table, Lumière.

Lumiere: You first.

Maskelyne: I am a detective. I'm looking for a murderer.

Lumiere: Pedophile rapist and murderer?

Maskelyne: Meets his victims at manga shops

Lumiere: after contacting them online

Maskelyne: Leaves them dead in a child-size bed

Lumiere: dressed in a diaper.

Maskelyne: Baby Killer.

Lumiere: Baby Killer. Shit!

Maskelyne: I gather you are working on the same case?

Lumiere: Yes. Damn!

Maskelyne: This is most amusing.

Lumiere: We're wasting each other's time, aren't we?

Maskelyne: Not necessarily. At least the result of our conversation isn't the outcome I allocated a twenty-six per cent probability to.

Lumiere: Which was?

Maskelyne: That you wanted to be private with me in order to have sex.

Lumiere: What makes you think my gayness is anything but a pretence?

Maskelyne: What makes you think I'm even a man?

Lumiere: Aren't you?

Maskelyne: Yes.

Lumiere: So for us to have sex – that would be gay.

Maskelyne: Lumière's mental faculties are astounding.

Lumiere: Sarcastic bitch

Maskelyne: And you're not gay?

Lumiere: lol. I've never been attracted to men particularly.

Maskelyne: Particularly?

Lumiere: I've never been much attracted to women either.

Maskelyne: Asexual?

Lumiere: No, I'm sexual. I just don't meet anyone that interests me.

Maskelyne: Do I interest you, Lumière? Or were you just interested in the fact that I might be a murderer?

Lumiere: I don't know

Lumiere: yes

Lumiere: you interest me.

Maskelyne: So – if I were to describe myself for instance, kissing you, would you be horrified?

Lumiere: I don't

Lumiere: Maybe not

Maskelyne: Encouraged by your half-hearted reception of my advances

Lumiere: lol

Maskelyne: I take your face between my hands and touch my lips to yours. I want to taste you. I trace your mouth with my tongue, licking you gently like gelato.

Lumiere: I'm ice cream? What the fuck am I doing here? Hell, I'm – horny.

Maskelyne: Delicious and for the moment cold, but hopefully prone to melting.

Lumiere: I return your kiss, pressing our lips together, taking you in my arms and pulling you close to me.

Maskelyne: Your enthusiasm surprises a sigh of pleasure from me.

Lumiere: I capture your teasing tongue with mine, licking along the length of it

Maskelyne: Enjoying the damp contact, the movement of our lips on each other's

Lumiere: My tongue in your mouth

Maskelyne: The warmth of your body against mine

Lumiere: Exploring you, learning the taste of you. Bet he tastes of cake or something sugary.

Maskelyne: Our hips gently resting against each other

Lumiere: My hands sliding under your shirt, touching skin, stroking – what are you wearing?

Maskelyne: rofl, I thought that was for phone sex? White t-shirt, blue jeans underwear.

Maskelyne: Boxers not briefs.

Lumiere: T shirt needs to go. I pull it slowly up your body and over your head, revealing ?

Maskelyne: I'm underweight but toned. Pale. One or two inches under six feet.

Lumiere: ??

Maskelyne: Black hair, grey eyes. More or less Caucasian. Pinkish nipples.

Lumiere: Nipples

Maskelyne: ??

Lumiere: lol. Asian, same height, gold-brown eyes, chestnut to auburn hair. Slim bordering on thin, reasonably muscular.

Maskelyne: Pretty. Japanese?

Lumiere: Yes.

Maskelyne: Unusual colouring.

Lumiere: You're English.

Maskelyne: What leads you to that conclusion?

Lumiere: You spell color as colour. And call diapers nappies.

Maskelyne: Observant. I have Japanese font and am bilingual if you'd rather?

Lumiere: No, English is fine.

Maskelyne: I'm half naked here, don't leave me like this!

Lumiere: lol. Mm, to return to kissing you. My mouth descending to your neck. Licking and kissing smooth pale skin.

Maskelyne: Bite me

Lumiere: Sucking the soft delicate flesh of your neck into my mouth, teeth punishing you, marking you, make you moan

Maskelyne: squirm around in ecstasy

Lumiere: Staining your porcelain whiteness with red, writing L with my teeth, you're mine

Maskelyne: Uhn, undressing you, your shirt

Lumiere: buttons

Maskelyne: Unfastened one by one

Lumiere: Pull off the sleeves

Maskelyne: Your chest, I lick you, your nipple in my mouth

Lumiere: Yes

Lumiere: hands in your hair, stroking through it

Maskelyne: Move to your other nipple, sucking at it, flicking with my tongue, nibble like tiny strawberry

Lumiere: Food fetish, ne?

Maskelyne: Mm, yes, my sweet cake Lumière, your taste in my mouth

Lumiere: Hands moving down your body, stroking, over your waist, hips, unfastening your jeans. Zipper slowly down

Maskelyne: Yes. Please. My fingers pinching your nipples, tongue in your navel twirling around in there

Lumiere: Slide your jeans down, hand rubbing over the front of your underwear, slip inside under the band

Maskelyne: Eight and a half inches, erect, happy in your hand

Lumiere: Mm, big. Stroke along it, fingers, teasing

Maskelyne: I need your pants off. Now. Unfastening.

Lumiere: Yes. Pull them off, briefs too please. Naked

Maskelyne: Hmn, hand around you

Lumiere: Not so big as yours

Maskelyne: lol. Asian

Lumiere: racist

Maskelyne: Proven fact.

Lumiere: seven and a bit more.

Maskelyne: Large for your ancestry. Nice handful

Lumiere: Nice hand. Pull you to me, holding your butt tight

Maskelyne: Underwear

Lumiere: Off with it. Push it down your nice slim hips

Maskelyne: Very slim.

Lumiere: Ok, off your scrawny ass XD

Maskelyne: So unkind!

Lumiere: Shhh, I'm sure you''re beautiful, now let me undress you, horny here

Maskelyne: Nervous

Lumiere: Let me stroke your ass. Gently. Pull you close to me, kiss you, soft gentle kisses, tongue teasing you.

Maskelyne: Tempt me. Tongue tied around yours

Lumiere: urk!

Maskelyne: Um, twined around yours.

Lumiere: Hips gently pushing together. Cocks pressed up against each other.

Maskelyne: Skin sliding together

Lumiere: Rubbing

Maskelyne: I have lube

Lumiere: Yes

Maskelyne: All over us, slippery

Lumiere: Slipping over each other, stiff and slick

Maskelyne: Leaking over you, clear drops smear over the head of your hot sexy dick

Lumiere: take them both in my hand, pumping together

Maskelyne: My fingers tickling over the glans, yours, mine, both of them, teasing

Lumiere: two shafts sliding together, moving, my hand under you holding your sack,

Maskelyne: My hand trailed through the lube and precum, wet slippery fingers around the back of you

Lumiere: Yes. Close. feel of you up against me. Your eyes on mine.

Maskelyne: Yes. Two fingers probe at entry to you, slide gently in

Lumiere: mmhhm, please. Sweaty skin pressed together oh

Maskelyne: fingers searching in you finding

Lumiere: Cumming

Maskelyne: yes


Raito leaned back in his chair, unable to type or do anything apart from experience the waves of overpowering pleasure that swept through him, his eyes still partially focused on the screen and catching word after hot word, intensifying his climax, his seed shooting from his overheated cock and splattering over his body, over everything.


Lumiere: Maskelyne?

Maskelyne: Here. Cleaning screen

Lumiere: lol. ok for you?

Maskelyne: Better than.

Lumiere: Yes. Glad I was working on this case at home not work XD

Maskelyne: That would be hard to explain.

Lumiere: worth it

Maskelyne: Surprising.

Lumiere: benefit of a good imagination.

Maskelyne: lol. Like yours.

Lumiere: I like yours too.

Maskelyne: Like to do more but murderer to catch.

Lumiere: hell, yes. But another time, ne?

Maskelyne: I'd like to, yes. Thank you. Arigatou gozaimasu.

Lumiere: Thank you too. Kiss you :)

Maskelyne: Kiss you, Lumière.