DISLAIMER: These characters are not mine. They belong to amazing Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing w/them!!
A/N: I just heard the new Rihanna song 'Disturbia' and I couldn't help but imagine Bella as a newborn with some crazy bloodthirst instincts. This is the drabble that resulted! Enjoy!!
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind, it can control you
I feel like a monster
- Rihanna – Disturbia –
I was in a craze, my mind completely surrendered to this fresh instinct in my brain. My hands were literally shaking as I tried to grasp the steering wheel. I knew I was driving too fast but I didn't care. Isn't that why Edward bought me this sleek new luxury sedan? He would be so proud to see me speeding along the highway now.
Not if he knew where you were going and why. My conscience hissed at me from the deep recesses of my mind. That part of my brain had been relatively dormant these past few months, it was strange to hear it so forcefully now. After my human life had ended, the thirst consumed most of my thought, shoving morals and reason out the window. Edward has been so patient with me since the beginning- no amount of screaming or fierce wrestling would help him cave. Edward was my constant; he helped me stay somewhat humane after my immediate change.
In my first winter, Edward convinced me that I was in control enough to go to Dartmouth with him for the second semester. Just online courses for me for now, he had assured me. He kept me out of any area or situation that had the potential outcome for slaughter. And I had been doing so well… until just an hour ago when that silly pipe burst in the apartment above ours. At first I was unconcerned, just another problem for Edward to attend to when he returned from his night lecture. But then there was a knock at the door and I panicked.
"Maintenance!" The man called from the other side. He didn't even give me a chance to prepare! Venom flooded my mouth instantaneously and my body went rigid. And then this human was suddenly there! In my apartment! So close to a sudden death and all he could do was apologize for the inconvenience.
I was tempted to swipe out at him and break his jaw with one blow. How easy it would then be for me to just sink my teeth into his weak human flesh then! But I resisted, clenching my jaw and flexing my fists. After all, Edward would be upset if I killed in our first apartment together; that's just not something I could explain to my husband. As the human left to inspect the damage around my apartment, I slipped out the door, grabbing my key off the hook on the way.
I had originally intended to simply get in my car and drive around, trying to erase the event that just happened from my mind. But it was impossible to force the memory of that sweet, fresh human blood away from my thoughts. His scent lingered in my nostrils, burning and triggering an assault of thirst on my sense. It wasn't fair- Edward took me hunting yesterday, I should have been fine.
But now I found myself on the highway, nearing 100 on the speedometer, my destination clear ahead of me. A crowded island, so packed with people that surely one or two wouldn't be missed. Sure, I'd ruin my pristine track record, but it would only be this once… and technically it wasn't even my fault.
My fingers were clenched so tight around the steering wheel that I pulled them off for a moment to relax them. My stunning wedding ring caught the reflections of passing headlights throwing beautiful sparkles throughout my dark car. Edward would be so disappointed in me… angry at himself… but he would understand. Surely he can remember what it's like to be new to this savage life, to these uncontrollable urges?
I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to focus on my goal. I was passing into the city now, glittering concrete piercing the night sky around me while chaos reined below. I had a choice to make now, and with my car slowing in the traffic I rolled down my window to take a better look.
Humans were everywhere, tempting me, calling to me with their irresistible heartbeats and alluring scents. So many to choose from! I felt like a kid at Toys R Us… but which toy would I play with tonight? Would I choose a nice, shiny, pretty one with manicured nails and a Prada bag? Or a sluggish, easy target, with dirt and grime coating every inch of exposed skin? I shuddered at the look of most of these creatures, for most of them looked simply revolting. I would simply have to claim one of these beautiful people, with the perfectly dyed hair and the miniature cell phones in their ears.
I turned my car into a dark alley, put it in park and slid out of the vehicle. Turning my attention back towards the opening towards the street I decided to wait until one passed and then follow. There was no plan here, no strict way of going about this. I knew I wanted one, badly, but it was never an option when I was with my family. Things like hunting humans were just never discussed. I imagined Jasper standing in my place, wondered what he would do…
And then a tall, incredibly handsome looking man passed by, casting the slightest glance down the alley. Did he see me lurking in the darkness? I couldn't be sure, but I slinked out onto the street and followed a safe distance behind. This was the prey I wanted; strong, willing to put up a fight, perhaps, and ultimately a tasty treat for my victory.
I lost track of time as I followed the man, and for a while it seemed as though I would lose control and grab out to the nearest human, to feed on right there on the sidewalk. But thankfully we came to a tall, ornately decorated building, probably as old as Edward. The gorgeous man waved in greeting to the doorman and continued on into the brightly lit lobby.
It occurred to me that I might not be able to get past the doorman as I followed the man's trail up the steps. But as soon as the doorman looked at me, his mouth dropped open in astonishment. For a vampire, I was graced with their flawless beauty and staggering presence, and this doorman took notice.
"Good evening… miss," the poor man mumbled, holding the heavy glass door open for me.
I merely flashed him my bright smile as I slid past, entering the lobby and taking a quick glance back and forth. My toy was nowhere in sight… but his scent was strong enough to follow towards the stairs. Flight after flight I climbed, eager to find the end of this trail. I grew more excited with every step as well; if this man could fight as well as he climbs stairs, I was looking forward to quite the challenge.
The trail led off on the 14th floor and I turned eagerly in that direction. I could see him now, my precious little victim, his keys out in his hands nearing the far end of the hall. He stopped in front of a door, and almost nervously, he turned his head in my direction. Before I had a chance to break into a run towards him, I felt myself being shoved roughly to the wall on my right. My instinct was to push back, to fight against this obstacle that was keeping me from my prize. I was so close!
But I knew what was holding me against the wall; I could feel his sweet breath heavily on my neck. It was a comforting smell, but it made me feel so ashamed and guilty instead of happy. I relaxed my rigid posture and felt my body slump into his. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the man I had followed. He was standing there, staring at us with his mouth open.
"Mind your own business," Edward's voice drifted towards the gentleman, velvety and yet still commanding. The man shook nervously as he fiddled with his keys and stepped into his apartment.
I felt every inch of myself relaxing now into Edward's embrace. My eyes stung; I wanted so badly to cry right now but I had no human tears left in me. Edward didn't need my tears though, or my apologies because he already knew what I was going to say. "Shhh…" he murmured, his lips pressed against the top of my forehead. I wrapped my arms desperately around him, never getting close enough for my satisfaction.
"Take me home please," I whispered, my lips pressing against his neck.
"Of course love," he answered, picking my tiny cold body up in his arms and cradling me against his chest. "We've all been here, Bella. All of us," he said as he carried me down the hall towards the elevators.
"Even you?" I mumbled.
"Even me," he admitted coldly. The elevator doors opened then to an empty car. Edward stepped in and as the doors closed, he inched his lips down against mine, kissing me in a fierce and loving way that as an immortal I found even more pleasuring than before. He pulled back slowly and whispered, "I promise we'll get through this. Just do me a favor ok?"
"What's that?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer for another kiss.
He gave me his best crooked grin as he said, "Just call me next time instead of driving like a madwoman to New York City."
I laughed, relieved that he wasn't mad and glad to be in the arms of someone who really was going to love and protect me for eternity.