When God Fails You

the rosary beads slipped through his fingers, words were muttered into the quiet night air. Over and over, the words were muttered. Maybe he was placing too much dependancy on this? But what else could he do? He was being engulfed by a demon, possessed even.

"Praying again king?" the hollow asked with a smirk, resting cold hands on his shoulders. He blocked the demon's voice out, but no matter what he did, that watery voice broke into his prayers, dislodging his faith and shattering his hope.

God wasn't coming...

"Don't you know that's useless? You should be praying to me, I'm your real god." his fist tightened around the rosary, his lips moving as he fervently prayed, as if the faster he did it, the quicker god would send down an angel to smite the evil living in his soul. "And deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever, amen."

That word sent resounding echos through his soul. Amen. It was the sound of the end, of loss, of regret. Amen. The way the hollow said it, as if it was nothing, killing his need for rescue when he didn't have the strength to save himself. Amen. He was losing, with that simple word, everything was lost. Tonight he would be devoured and god...

Wouldn't do anything about it.


Yet he held the rosary closer to his chest. He'd have to make his own miracles. He started another prayer, making the hollow growl in annoyance. The hands on his shoulders tightend, black claws digging into his flesh. His prayer was interrupted for a small gasp of pain before it continued. He felt lips on the back on his neck and shivered. This was a sin, a horrible sin. "Dear lord, forgive me." he whispered, making laughter erupt behind him.

"Do you think God cares? You're black, Ichigo. He's recognized you for the demon you are. And when I'm done with you, you won't even be fit to step into the gates of hell."

He shuddered as those words raped him from the inside. He tried to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. Frustrated tears? Tears of loneliness, of defeat? Or all three? All he knew was that he could not let his enemy see him so weak. His face was turned. He squeezed his eyes shut as a perverse tongue swiped at the salty tears. He hummed a hymn under his breath, because he couldn't quite shove his faith away just like that.

"You're pathetic, Ichigo." the hollow whispered with a grin. He ripped the rosary from his grasp, taking out his inverted zangetsu at the same time. "I'm your new god." he carved into his stomach, making him scream in pain at the agonizing slowness. The demon was deliberately dragging the blade through his flesh teasingly, so slowly that he could feel the fibers of his muscles and skin tearing. "Pray to me, sing to me, satisfy my lust with sacrifices, or my wrath is endless."

The floor was covered in blood and tears. He was left twitching in pain, his hips straddled. He bit his lip to keep in the whimpers as the demon leaned down, prodding the new wound with his tongue. He tortured him, slurping and licking as the blood that oozed from it. And when he was done, he broke the rosary, dropping the beads into the deep gash. "This is how much your catholic god should mean to you." the demon whispered.

His clothes were torn off, as well as the demon's, lips stained with blood as he was kissed. "St-stop..." was all he managed to croak. He was dizzy from blood loss. He couldn't think strait. "Help me god. Please. Forgive me."he could almost see god turning away from him, abandoning him, failing him to let this demon swallow him, do what he wanted to him. He would never reach the promised land. And indeed, he would not be able to step into hell.

The hollow hooked his legs over his shoulders, bending him in half to lick away the fresh tears that dampened his cheeks. "Don't cry, Ichigo. You'll get into the heaven that I promised you. I'll make you the heaven you'll want, right here, on earth." he thrust inside of him, making him scream, new tears welling in his eyes. And no matter how hard he begged, it wouldn't stop. It just went on, driving deeper inside him, leaving him hollow. A whore and a sinner. He stopped screaming, but the tears flowed on, wetting his pillow. The longer it went on, the better it felt.

"F-forgive me, g-god..." he whispered so that the hollow wouldn't hear him between moans. He felt his climax so close, but the hollow stopped before he could get there. He bit his lip at a new realization. He'd started to like it. He'd lowered himself to like something like that. Black, dirty, a sinner, unfit for anything.

"God's abandoned you." his demon whispered, kissing his lips and brushing sweaty hair off his forehead. "But you can be my dirty angel, and we'll build a new heaven." he didn'treply. Instead, he turned his face away.

He'd turned so black, he curled in on himself, fully aware that his hollow was still there, stroking his forehead, carving into his body with his inverted zangetsu. He picked up the bloody pink rosary beads still scattered on the bed. Would it be worthless to pray? But he hummed another hymn anyway, making his hollow giggle at his stupidity, digging the sword harder into his flesh. He whimpered at the pain, unable to recoil. His sheets were getting dirty and he was starting to feel numb.

"The lord is my sheperd I shall not want. He maketh me lay down in green pastures" as the hollow repeated the prayer in his ear, he cried angry tears. After all of that, the cutting, being raped, being killed on the inside, this demon was mocking him. But what could he do? He was forsaken now. He was so dirty. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the lord forever." he felt along his shoulder, finding that all the carvings formed words. 'Dirty angel' 'mine' 'new god' 'our heaven'

"Amen." he croaked.

If this was heaven what was hell like?


that was a little intense I won't deny. Review!