It was all there, in her head. It was the only thing she had.
And that was good.
What could she have done? She was merely the third wheel. Her sensei may never have said it, believed it, wanted her to think it, but she knew it was true. The other two worked too hard, gave up so much, and she was just there. Filling in the space. No one bothered to come and know her as they would her teammates. She had no special clan technique, nor would she be able to become as strong. Nor did she want to. To copy her teammates was not what she wanted. She wanted to compliment them. Be someone they needed.
Numbers, angles, integrals... she could figure it all out in an instant, have coordinates, give something to her group. It had been her specialty in Academy. Her Academy sensei had praised her for it. It was something to call her own, those occasional praises. He was too busy with the entire class to pay her much of them.
When she discovered how the math could relate to weapons, she was shocked not to have thought of it before. Precision, accuracy, amounts... she could figure it all out in an instant. He praised her for it. And he would give her the occasional glance which told her he believed she was not going to be wasting his time. Her sensei never doubted her. She belonged.
But they never seemed to understand. Throwing shuriken and kunai, it was a precise math. Not an art. It was not practice so as to understand how and when she should release the weapon, not how exactly to hold it where it was comfortable in her hand and yet able to be released easily without loosing any speed. It was examining the field, mapping out the measurements in her mind, determining velocity, the air speed and direction. It was the angle at which she held the weapon, the pressure of her fingers, the strain of her muscles as she waited to throw, the time at which to move... it was so much. She was perfect at it. And if they never understood the math, she did not mind.
After all, she did not want them to understand her completely, did she?
It was the only illogical thing, but...
She was the woman of the group, after all.