I really don't know where this came from. I've had block recently and then I had the urge to write this. It's an extremely sad one-shot, inspired by the Finnish song Kun Minä Kotoani Läksin (When I Left My Home). Drop me a line and tell me what you think?


Staring up at the grey wall of clouds, Cain couldn't think of anything to do, anything to say, anything at all that would make his pain go away.

An hour earlier, the sun had been shining, the room had been full of light, laughter. The sparkle of the sun reflected off the silverware, the gold of Mary's hair, the light in everyone's eyes as they simply revelled in each others company. The air had felt heavy, but comfortable so, despite the clear skies.

Then turning, he had met the gaze of someone who always made him feel this way. Riff. In his eyes, the sun was always shining, promising a new day to follow after the quiet, safe sanctuary of the night spent with someone who loved him. The air had remained heavy, and Cain felt as though it must have been pressing down on his thoughts, stopping him from thinking clearly.

A sudden movement. The quick brush of lips against lips. The soft wetness of a tongue. The moment that Cain knew he was in love and that nothing could hurt him ever again. Followed by…

The crash of a silver tea tray falling to the floor. The gasp of a younger sister confused. The yells of a family scandalised. And, louder than them all, the silence of a butler shown affection above his station. Riff had remained silent as Cain argued with the others. He had remained silent when Cain had finally turned to him, tears standing in his feline eyes.

"Why won't you say something? How can I argue about this when I don't know how you feel? Riff? Are you even listening to me?"

Silence. Cain had turned away and as he had done so, fancied he saw a tear leave Riff's eye and trail down his pale cheek. Whatever it was, it didn't matter. Riff had made his decision by persisting in his deafening silence.

Cain had left his home, grabbed a few bags and soon found himself on a train out of London. Where was he going? He didn't know. Why was he going? He didn't know that either. He only knew that he had to get away.

The clouds that could be seen through the train windows were grey and smothered the sky of its joy but to Cain they felt empty and promises nothing but endless emptiness, years of unanswered questions and regret, the end to anything that had ever started to feel like home.

The train rolled on. A young woman wandered past the carriage that Cain was slumped in and smiled at him. He turned away, suddenly seeing his whole future life ahead of him.

He would settle in a small village, meet a nice and not terrible looking girl. They would marry young, have children young so that they could spend time apart; her with the kids, he alone, staring out of windows at the sky, always seeing the same thing.

A pair of eyes filled with love while the owner of them remained silent. A pair of eyes showing so much promise and potential, all forbidden. The most beautiful eyes that Cain had ever see and would never see again.

Shaking himself back to the present, Cain shut his eyes. A disowned noble. Almost a sodomite. A thoroughly sad young man of cursed blood, finally realising he would never find happiness.

The train rolled on. The clouds continued to smother the sun.

And Cain cried to himself as he left his home behind.


See? Told you it was sad. Love for reading :)