Tuesday Night Television


"Augg... there is NO need for there to be THAT much angst on television," I informed Tim. "I get ENOUGH angst every night listening to you people."

"So what you're saying is that you WONT tape Wendy the Werewolf Stalker for me?"

"Robin, if you don't set your own VCR, I'm not going to help you." I'm the 411 for the superhero community, and Robin wants me to play tape-man.

"Aww, come on! You don't have to watch it, just TAPE it!" In the background I could hear Nightwing telling him to be quiet, or he'd blow their position.

I rolled my eyes. "Why in the world do you watch it? It's like dealing with Bruce, only with romantic interests."

"That's not Wendy, man. You're thinking of Cherub. Can you tape that too? Its on right after."

I groaned.

"Oracle... pleeaaaase?"

"Superboy watches it. Heck he subscribes to both Wendy and Cherub magazines. Get HIM to tape it for you." I wouldn't tell anyone how I knew that, I just knew.

"I can't," Robin said simply.


"I just can't."

"Why not? Afraid he'll realize you watch it only because of Wendy's tight shirts, thus negating all of your lectures on not objectifying women?"

"If you don't want to tape it for me, tape it for Nightwing."

"SHUT UP!" came Nightwing's voice in the background.

I grinned. More dirt on my FBW. "So, little pooky bear watches Wendy?"

Nightwing came on our channel. "I do not! Babs, I swear, I don't watch it!"

"So what part do you like the most?" I asked with a grin. "The cheesy effects, the low budget monsters, or Wendy's tight shirts?"

"Yours is the only tight shirt I like to see, baby," he said in a low voice.

"Hello?" Robin interrupted. "Boy wonder present!"

I had to grin. "Yeah, Nightwing, not in front of the twerp."

"Aw, he's gotta learn about the birds and the bees from somewhere. Better us than Batman."


Nightwing cut in. "Tim, you're the only member of Young Justice who hasn't been past second base."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"Bart's never even kissed a girl."

"Bart's GROPED a girl. That's more than YOU'VE done."

"Aw, man." Tim sounded suicidaly dejected.

"Dick, quit destroying the kid's psyche. Tim, Bart hasn't groped a girl. He just kissed her. Passionately. In the future. Anyways. It doesn't matter. We know you want to watch Wendy so you can look at her tits and think about how good it'd be to get under Spoiler's cape."


"You know it's true."

"When did this turn into 'put the Boy Wonder on trial' here?"

"If you admit it, I'll tape Wendy and Cherub for you."

"No deal."

"No admission, no tapeypooh."

"You're so mean to me."

I adjusted the microphone and grinned. "I know."

He sighed, and I could hear the little wheels in his head turning.

"Do it, do it do it..." Dick was chanting.

"Richard John Grayson, you're not allowed to watch any video I record for Robin."

"But Babs..."

"Time's up, Boy Wonder. What's it going to be? An admission, or no Season Premier?"

He moaned. "Look, ok. Wendy has really nice..." I could almost hear him choking as he tried to say the word.

"Say it."


Nightwing let out a whoop of relief. He still thought he'd get to see that video.


"Nightwing, smack him."

I heard a slapping sound. "OUCH. Ok. Thanks man."

"Had to hit the reset button," Nightwing said. "Isn't that precious? Our little birdy is dwelling on impure thoughts. I was relieved, man. I know you and Spoiler are a thing, but geeze. No guy can be all wholesome all the time."

"Superman does alright," Tim whined.

"Eww. THAT is who you look to for moral uprightness? There's a reason he didn't lose his virginity until he was 35."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with... admiring from afar. Oracle, are you getting ready to tape that thing?"

I grinned. "You deserve it, Boy Wonder. I know it was hard for you to say the B word."

"Thanks, man."

"It's what I'm here for. Information, video recording services, and getting Boy Wonders to confront their sexual repression."

"What about Former Boy Wonders?" Dick asked hopefully.

"If you stop in tonight, I might be able to do something about your sexual frustration..." I said saucily.


"Dick, smack him again."