Disclaimer: Nope, never owned it in my life but maybe, if I wished hard enough and if a shooting star flew by while I was wishing, maybe - just maybe - Oh, who am I kidding? I will never own it.
Written by: My Hopeless Romantic
50 Reasons Why I Hate Mikan Sakura
-.- Masked Mistress & Midnight Taiyou -.-
We'll make it through, you'll see.
You make me nauseous and tingly all over
and yet -
I still find that hating you is really too hard.
-My Hopeless Romantic-
Okay, so Ruka said that this might help with my frustrations, so here I am - in the classroom, at my desk with a fresh piece of paper in front of me. Okay, let's see—how should this start?
Putting pen to paper, I quickly wrote:
50 Reasons Why I Hate Mikan Sakura
Yup, that's definitely a start. Straight to the source of the problem.
Okay. Let's see.
Number 50: I hate her hair—not only is it always up in those stupid pigtails that bounce when she walks and sways when the wind comes through the open window but it whips me in the face too! Oh, and of course it can't just be brown, there just has to be small traces of blonde and chestnut that all mix together to make her hair look so natural and delici-- disgusting, that's right. Disgusting. Mikan Sakura is a stupid girl with long, brown and disgusting hair.
Number 49: I hate the stupid underwear that she wears. I mean, polka dots? Who likes polka dots these days? -cough- I swear, she has the worst underwear patterns that I've ever seen. Not that I make it a habit of peeking at girls' panties but she's a special case. Not that she's special or anything—far from.
Number 48: I hate the stupid way she smells. She always smells like a mix of vanilla and strawberry with a pinch of something musky and just absolutely—loathing. That's it - loathing. It's gross and she smells horrible. Sometimes, I don't know how I can stand sitting beside her without barfing.
Number 47: I hate how she has pale skin that looks so smooth. She looks too breakable—too innocent for the people in this world. Does she even realize the risk that she submitted herself to by willingly going to this stupid school? I swear, she's such a stupid girl.
Number 46: I hate how her eyes are big—too naïve. They make her look too pure and they're so expressive. She's like an open book by the way she speaks with her eyes, whether she's mad, sad, cranky, hungry, tired or stupid. And the way they tend to sparkle makes me wonder why she's always so delighted with life. There's nothing so special about it if you ask me.
Number 45: I hate the stupid things she says that manages to catch me off guard. "As long as Natsume-kun is here, I'm happy." Who is she to be saying stupid things like that? Baka. Saying these things without thinking about how it'll make me feel—selfish brat.
Number 44: I hate her annoyingness - is that even a word? See! She's so annoying that she's making me make up words just to describe her. I swear—something is wrong with that girl.
Number 43: I hate her obsession with Fluff Puffs and overall sweets, I mean - it's filled with sugar and rainbows and butterflies—like her; oh wait, never mind. That explains it. She just can't get enough of herself. Figures, I knew she was narcissistic behind all of her disgusting smiles and hugs.
Number 42: I hate how she can always have so much energy in the morning and heck—every second of the day. She runs around too much and I swear, if it wasn't for Imai and me, she'd be bouncing off the walls and into an oblivion. The stupid idiot—she's a hazard to society.
Number 41: I hate how she eats like it's the last meal she'll ever have. I'm serious, how much food does that girl put away? She eats more than her Double Star status can afford and ends up eating half of mine too. But then again, it's a good thing she isn't one of those girls that starves to look skinnier… not that I'd care if she was or anything—tch.
Number 40: I hate how she never notices when I throw things at her. Like yesterday—I was throwing balls of paper at her and she didn't notice at all—she just kept staring out the window with this dopey look on her face. What's the point in throwing stuff at her if she doesn't notice? My point exactly. But there was one exception—that apple during the Snow White play when we were ten but then again, she'd be a moron if she didn't feel an apple hit her in the head, right? … Wait, why didn't she notice again?
Number 39: I hate how she daydreams about stupid fictional characters from books, especially that Cullen vampire or something—I swear, there is nothing good or cool about him. I don't know what all the hype is about. Well, it's a good thing he isn't real or I'd have a fun time chasing him down and burning him at the stake—Not that I'm jealous or anything, heaven forbid. I just like burning things.
Number 38: I hate her horrible jokes. She tells the most ridiculous stories and makes the most ridiculous faces just to try to see if I'm able to laugh and sometimes I wonder why she tries so hard. What does she think I am—a robot? Not that I'm admitting anything—I'm just saying.
Number 37: I hate how she always says good morning even though she knows I won't reply.
Number 36: I hate how she hangs out with Imai after getting hit by the Baka Gun. Doesn't she realize that she's losing a massive number of brain cells by getting hit everyday? Well, I guess if she's losing brain cells everyday, it could be the reason for her lapse in memory for getting hit the day before… Yeah, moving on.
Number 35: I hate how she is too honest with her feelings, especially when she tells me things that I don't want to know. But then again, I guess it's nice to know that she—I mean someone—trusts me with their problems and secrets. She can pay for the damages to my eardrums when she gets a job.
Number 34: I hate it when she cries—her face gets splotchy and her eyelashes get wet. Trails of salt water stain her cheeks and she ends up hiccoughing and sobbing. Not that it makes my heart wrench or anything. Heavens no—never.
Number 33: I hate how her loud voice rips the air like a sword and that her tone can be distinguished anywhere in the Academy. Plus, I hate the fact that she always manages to disturb my cat naps and my manga time for stupid reasons like Central Town. Once again, she'll be paying for my medical bills when she gets a job.
Number 32: I hate her clumsiness. She trips too much for her own good and sometimes I actually think that she's clumsy on purpose so that her panties are exposed to me but then she runs into a street lamp and that reason flies out the window.
Number 31: I hate how she is too compassionate for her own good—it makes me want to vomit. No one—and I mean no one—thinks and sympathizes and helps so many people. She must be an alien. I'll get Koko to do some research immediately.
Number 30: I hate how she bites her lips when she's thinking hard. Not that I'm noticing what she does to her lips or anything—snort—I don't.
Number 29: I hate how she's too friendly. How did she become friends with everyone in our class in the span of a week? I mean, even the Seaweed Girl succumbed to her non-existent charms. Stupid Polka and her stupid charms. Not that I've fallen for her charms myself—hardly. I just don't think it's possible to be able to attract attention as fast as she does. And people call me an attention seeking bastard? Beg to differ.
Number 28: I hate her nasty temper that makes her cheeks red and her ears steam in a beau—cough, ahem—beastly kind of way. That's it, she looks beastly when she's mad. I mean, her eyes turn darker than mine, I swear, she's Satan's spawn.
Number 27: I hate how she is the only one that can't be hurt by my Alice because she's a stupid Nullifier.
Number 26: I hate how I'm already running out of things to hate about her and it's only number 26. I should have a million reasons why I hate her! Darn—I'll just sneak a glance at her and I'll find another wave of reasons why I hate her. Not that I frequently sneak glances at her—I don't have to sneak anything.
Number 25: I hate how she's too thoughtful. I mean, why does she always think about others? Why does she care about the Shadow Bastard? Or Seaweed for that matter? Always having that whole hero complex thing going on and takes the blame for stupid things that doesn't have anything to do with her. Once again, hero complex, I'll never understand. Then again—I'll never understand her.
Number 24: I hate that Koko just read my mind and started laughing—so I had to punch him in the face. And since she was on my mind, it automatically makes it her fault.
She made me punch my friend in the face! Not that I regret it or anything. It actually felt kind of good.
Number 23: I hate that she managed to get me to share my Sakura tree with her. Let's get one thing straight: I didn't willingly share my secret hangout—she just squeezed herself there without me noticing and has stayed there ever since—the clingy arse.
Number 22: I hate that she's so optimistic—I don't know why she believes that there is always a bright side to bad situations and can smile when there is so much bad in the world. Remember the whole kidnapping thing when we were ten? Yeah, let's recap, shall we?
"Why do you think I came all the way back here? I would be getting my priorities all mixed up if I left you behind. Everyone is trying their best to make sure that you come back safely! Do you think they'd forgive me if I left you behind and ignored all of their hard work?
I'm not going to let us get caught. We won't get caught.
There are still a lot of things I want to experience in the Academy like the Alice Festival, so let's go back to the Academy together! Everyone is waiting for us."
Or during the dodgeball game:
"It's true that I lost the match but in a way, I won too. You didn't get angry during the entire match! I'm so happy!"
Point proven—she's an optimistic moron.
Number 21: I hate that she is just as stubborn as I am. We never solve anything because she always thinks that she's right when in reality, I'm right. See what I mean?! But I am always right—I am.
Number 20: I hate that she lets the likes of Narumi and the Shadow Bastard hug her and yet when I comment on her panties or pull on her pigtails, she screams bloody murder. I mean, what's the difference, anyway?
Number 19: I hate that she looks so damn good in my favourite colour. Note to self—never buy her anything red or I might just kill myself.
Number 18: I hate her split personality—then again, females are always like that. Stupid women and their PMS—tch. Women are troublesome.
Number 17: I hate how we can be doing the same thing again and again and she still gets excited like it's the first time ever. I swear—what a child.
Number 16: I hate how she pretends to be so stupid but then, out of nowhere, she says something so simple but makes so much sense. I think she lies about her density, then again—she asked me if making love was the same as hugging Imai. Yeah, once again, point proven. Sometimes, I think she has the brain size of a gnat—but that's just me.
Number 15: I hate how she hangs out with other guys without even considering the effect it can have on me—no, Imai yeah—Imai is always devastated when she hangs out with guys. It makes her feel—replaced.
Number 14: I hate how she's too weak to care for herself. I mean, before I leave for a mission, I can't help but worry that she won't be there when I come back. I hate wondering if it will be the last time that I see her and the last time I make fun of her. Because—you know— that's important to me. I just don't feel right if I don't make fun of her at least five or more times a day.
Number 13: I hate her stupidity, she really is such a stupid girl sometimes. Then again, I suppose it would be hard for her to even try to rival me in the brains department, if you know what I mean.
Number 12: I hate the way she's always there when I'm lonely—not that I'm frequently lonely or anything. I have a lot of friends but just to appease her, I find a way to make some time for her because I'm such a good Samaritan and I know that she misses me.
Number 11: I hate how she pretends to not know the effect she has on other guys when their tongues are hanging out every time she walks by and when they accidentally push her books over her desk just so that they can see her bend down to retrieve them. Stupid guys that want a death wish and stupid girl for being so damn conniving.
Number 10: I hate how she forgives too easily—well, for my case that's not a bad thing but for the other guys… I have to give her the "Don't talk to strangers" talk again, I suppose.
Number 9: I hate how she's so damn naïve and dense for her own good. How could she not see that I—I mean Ruka—has liked her since we—I mean he—was ten?
Number 8: I hate how her voice sounds so good when she sings—then again, any other time she sounds like a strangled ostrich trying out for the opera.
Number 7: I hate that she is so damn persistent when she asks me what's wrong or the others about their problems. Not that it helps pouring our—I mean their—problems on her or anything. Maybe it's nice to know that someone will listen and care—not that I need it—I'm just speaking on behalf of the majority of our class.
Number 6: I hate how she is hard working. Why she believes that robots actually need to rest is beyond my comprehension.
Number 5: I hate how she makes me want to throw up. Elaboration, you ask? When she's around, I have this allergic reaction—no joke.
My heart accelerates and hammers in my chest and there's this churning thing in my stomach that makes me want to throw up. My arms tingle and worst of all, when she's around, all I want to do is sm—I'm not going to finish that. I guess another major symptom is talking to a piece of paper. I mean, I just asked if you wanted my elaboration and I just called you "you" again—I'm going insane!
Number 4: I hate that she waits for me after missions. Whether it's outside in the cold by our Sakura tree or in my room—she always waits and stays up to make sure that I get home safely. Then she'll end up making sure all of my wounds are treated and waits until I fall asleep before going back to her room. Then she falls asleep in class the next day and gets detention for a week—the stupid girl, she'll never learn.
Number 3: I hate how she was the only girl that didn't fall head over heels over me—figuratively, of course. God knows how many times she's fallen— the klutz—and the only girl that has had the guts to stand up to me. Imai is an exception, of course. She shouldn't be classified as human when she spends her free time with robots and can safely be called Hitler's cousin.
Number 2: I hate her smile. I hate her smile so much because it's always so wide and warm. It makes her eyes sparkle and then it makes me want to smile and oh God—it's horrifying. And the most horrifying thing of all is that she smiles for no reason at all. I swear, one time I was watching her looking out the window and all of a sudden, she turned around and smiled at me. Lunatic, I tell you!
Number 1: I hate that I just realized those aren't good reasons to hate her at all. No matter how many times I push her away or how bad I treat her, she comes back. She's too damn wonderful and she always smells so damn good. She looks beautiful in red and she eats an elephant everyday. She works too hard and she's too damn thoughtful. She's managed to squeeze her way into my too puny heart—I swear, it's the same size as the Grinch's—and she manages to see the best in me when I can't see anything worthy of seeing. She's thoughtful and optimistic, stubborn as hell with a horrible temper along with it and has the restraint rivaling a volcano's when she's angry.
She waits for me to come home to a place I would've never even called home if she wasn't there. And all of the times when I have to save her from creepy bastards that feel the need to palm her when they think I'm not around is worth it when she smiles my smile—the one only reserved for me.
She makes me feel empty when she's not around and whole when she is and I can't help it, dammit!
She's worth it—she is so damn worth it and I spent two hours making a list of everything I hate about her when in reality, the only damn reason I hate her so much is because she makes me feel like I'm worth it, too.
"Are you sure that's not a list of 50 reasons why you love her, Natsume?"
Number ½: Okay, she just made me punch two friends in the face in one day. Imai's going to kill me for bruising her boyfriend and it's all her fault.
Oh well, that doesn't change anything.
I hate that I still love her.
Yeah, this was just a fun little one-shot that I thought about when I was making a list of all of the things that I hate about my brother and I thought it'd be cute. I know some of the reasons are stupid and random but it is what it is.
Leave a review and tell me if you think there are better reasons that I forgot to include! I'd love to hear what you have to say about it. Thanks! And tell me your favorite reason, too!
This is like my very own crack-fic because it's so random. XD Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it.
--Anna/My Hopeless Romantic.