Why Byron Is Unpopular
In Canalcave City there lived a man. He was about forty, with dark red hair and stupid coal mining hat. He had a son that may have been dorky but was cute, and he was the gym leader of Oreburgh City.
This man had a gym, too. The Canalcave Gym. His name was Byron, and he was a gloomy character. He was ugly, yet strong, and he had an odor of brimstone all the time.
One day as he was chopping wood Roark came to visit him. With a heavy force to the ground, he sighed. " Roark, I've been wondering...why do not have a nice Sinnoh gym leading girlfriend ?! "
" Uh, cause I hate Gardenia, Maylene's thirteen , Fantina is a fanatic over ghosts, and Candice dumped me for Volkner. "
" Well, why are you dating that southern bell girl Whitney for ? She's one of the worst gym leaders in Johto, right after Bugsy ! "
" Why did Mom leave you ?! "
Byron blushed. " You know what ? I have no idea. "
Roark fiddled with his glasses. " I know why. You told her that she was a bitch and slapped her ! Plus, you have a drinking problem ! "
" Hey, you can shut the f--k up ! I can stop whenever I want ! "
" You have Hepatitis ! "
" So ?! "
Roark sighed. Byron scratched his head. " Roark...why am I so alone ? I'm a good guy, aren't I ? "
" Well, you are the most unpopular gym leader of Sinnoh. "
" I am not ! That Lucha Libre guy sucks, too ! "
" At least that Lucha Libre guy does stuff ! Dad, you're the guy that no one wants to be around as your friend. You're a womanizer, a drinker, and an old - school guy that listens to the bands of the 1940s. "
Byron started sobbing. " You're right ! I am unpopular ! I should just live as a hermit ! "
" Are you drunk again ?! "
" Yeah. Yeah I am. "
" Whatever. I'm going to go to Sunyshore. I have an air hockey match with Volkner. Bye, Dad. "
And so after Roark left Byron was left outside with an axe. He dropped the axe and went inside his house. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and started to write.
" Gym Leaders of Sinnoh.
It is brought to my attention that I am unpopular. Why is that ? My son thinks it's because I'm a womanizing old alcoholic, but he's a little bastard and I never pay attention to him (even though he is a fellow gym leader.)
So, if you can please write back, I will know.
Byron of Canalcave City. "
He mailed the letter at the post office and waited by drinking and watching M rated porno tapes.
The next week he got a response.
" Byron of Canalcave City,
You are unpopular for many reasons. You have been this way since 1982. And we have each listed our reasons :
Roark - You drink and you call women hos. Gardenia - You smell of brimstone and vodka all the time.
Maylene - You tried to touch me in wrong places a couple of years ago.
Crasher Wake - You burned my underwear in college.
Fantina - You always make fun of my ghostie pokeemoun. Candice - You have that stupid shovel with you all the time.
Volkner - You slap every woman's ass.
In addition, we have other reasons from other gym leaders.
Whitney - You criticize my boyfriend - your son - and call him an asshole.
Jasmine - You smack the nuns.
Clair - You peed in my yard. Pryce - You cheated me in that one poker game.
Flint - You burped in my face.
Giovanni - I just plain hate you, dickhead.
Winona - You set Skarmory on fire !
Misty - You kicked Azurill.
Orange Crew - You called our league gay.
Well, that last reason was true. They are gay.
Anyway, this is why you are unpopular. And why everyone freaking hates you. No hard feelings, but you're banned from your position.
The Gym Leaders of Sinnoh. "
Byron crumpled up the letter and started crying. " I see now ! Nobody is my friend ! I HATE MYSEEEELF ! "
(Byron) - X.X
And this was the story of a man named Byron and why he was so unpopular. Some say he hung himself. Some say he died getting chased by police for a D.U.I. Others say he choked on his own snot. Whatever the case , we really don't care, because Byron was an asshole.