As you undoubtedly know, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Prologue - Edward Reflects
I pondered the exquisite and mysterious creature cuddled up next to me as she slept. Plastered across my face was perhaps the stupidest grin the world has ever seen. I didn't care in the least. I didn't even care how much Jasper and Emmett would tease me when they saw that same stupid grin on my face, which I was now certain I could not prevent. I was pretty sure I'd be wearing it for a while – maybe forever. My thoughts kept returning to our wedding night. Our wedding night! How incredible it was! How ignorant I had been! It was my arrogance, really, that astounded me yet again. Nothing could be taken for granted with this woman – my wife.
I remembered our first day in the meadow, when her touch on my face and lips had felt so incredible, so fascinating, and yet so confusing to me. I recalled the first feelings of love and jealousy that had overtaken me – the elation and the terror that filled me at the same time. I was shocked that nothing in my long life had prepared me for those feelings – my assumptions neatly destroyed in comparison to the real life experience.
I had been even more exposed to the concepts of sex, physical love and lust. Seemingly endless classes in biology and medical school had inured me to human anatomy and the mechanics of the act. I had seen, or so I thought, every variation of physical love and lust portrayed in books, movies, and, unavoidably, in the minds of those surrounding me on a daily basis. I had often dismissed with contempt the endless fascination humans seemed to have with sex. I had even discounted the thoughts and acts of various family members I had unwillingly intercepted, thinking it was a purely physical release, not unlike, but lesser than, our need for blood. And yet, even with my need to maintain fierce control and the fact that we were both so inexperienced, nothing I had previously seen or learned or felt prepared me in any way for the reality of making love to Bella.
The sheer intimacy of the experience staggered me – the small sounds of pleasure in the night, the whispered words of endearment, the bold caresses - and perhaps most thrilling, Bella calling out for me in desire, in passion, in release. It took my breath away once again. It made me feel like the superhero she had once thought I was. It wasn't as if I hadn't wanted it – fantasized about it even. I had and many times. But to find that the reality of it was so much greater – had so far surpassed any of my meager imaginings – left me in stunned delight. I pulled Bella's body closer to mine and softly kissed her hair.
I had taken my time to give her pleasure first – knowing that she may not enjoy the actual act the first time. But somehow, the pain had ended up like another gift she had given me. She did not rail against it. She had smiled at me, touched my face and whispered, "I'm so glad it's you." The wave of feral possessiveness that overtook me then was astounding, indescribable. I wasn't sure I had thought the words or uttered them aloud at completion – "mine, only mine".
The multitude of feelings was earth shattering. I was quite sure at that moment that I could never get enough of her - ever. And another thought descended upon me - a darker thought. I knew now with unwavering certainty that I alone must have her. Whatever noble feelings I had ever purported to have in the past were utterly irretrievable. To think that Mike or Tyler or, worst of all, Jacob, could have ever experienced anything close to this moment could not be borne. She was mine, utterly mine – sealed by God and man – and I would never accept anything less.
So, in all my selfishness, I would give her the immortality she thought she craved. It wasn't that I had overcome all my own misgivings in this regard – I simply knew now that I was too weak to stop myself. I wanted her too much. And those thoughts made me acknowledge that I needed her again. What a brute I felt, wanting to wake her up and be at her again. It simply wasn't right! A gentleman wouldn't do such a thing. I could wait a few more hours. Of course, I rationalized, we could easily spend the entire honeymoon in bed – I wouldn't mind and I suspected Bella wouldn't either. I would just lightly kiss her – to see if it brought her to awareness. If she didn't wake up, I would leave her to her rest. If she did, however, that would surely be a sign . . .
I kissed her once, twice and her body became animated. Her hands began to explore of their own accord. Her response, even half asleep, left me gasping. I moved to cover her body with my own and all was lost in sensation. She was mine, but more so, I was helplessly hers.