A/N: Well my second LwD oneshot (sorta) and this one is Dasey. At first I was thinking to make a Lizwin, but then I got this idea and it would work much better with Derek and Casey. So you guys get a Dasey. :D

On another note, this story is pretty much a present for me. Because today is my 1 year on fanfiction. Yay. :)

I hope you guys like it.

Disclaimer: Sir-Monks-A-Lot says I don't own Life with Derek. To bad.


It's extremely ironic. I spent all that time hating her, and vice versa, and now this happens. This stupid, unexpected, terrible thing. And no, I'm not going to tell you what happened. It's so sick and disgusting that I won't do anything but keep it to myself. Nothing you can say will drag it out of me. Nothing at all.

It's just annoying you know? We just went bowling! Bowling with friends and then this gross thing happened. It's like she planned it. It's like she did it all just too purposefully irritate me….and give me a broken toe. But that's all you're getting. Nothing else. Sorry! Well actually no. I'm not sorry at all. Ha.

Thank god there were no witnesses. Except Casey of course. And Max. And Emily. And Kendra. And Sam. But aside from them no one could ever had seen what happened. Um….forget all of that would you? Especially the first name.

Ok anyway. You know what? I feel like I have to tell someone. And you're just as good as anyone else. Better in fact. Because you're not Edwin or Lizzie or Marti who would immediately tell the whole world.

Are you?

Ok never mind. I won't tell. It's really something I should keep bottled up until I die. It's that embarrassing and sick. I mean how many people actually like their step-

I almost told you. But now I can see that you pretty much know everything anyway. Sigh. So I guess I'll have to tell you anyway. Shoot. And I was all ready to take it to the grave and beyond.

Well see it all happened when we all went bowling (hence the broken toe). It's not like we were alone or anything! No! She was with her boyfriend and best friend and I was with my girlfriend and best friend. Nothing could have happened.

Except it did.

Yeah. I started teasing her. Same old, nothing new. Oh except she had this really weird orange eye shadow that sort of blended with her skin, so I called her pumpkin face. Not that I usually pay attention to what shades of eye shadow a girl uses. Guys don't do that. Cough.

Anyway let's just get back to that sick story shall we?

Well she was holding this giant 10-pound bowling ball in her hands when I said this. Probably very idiotic on my part. She could have easily chopped my head off with it.

Well her face got all read and blotchy in anger. You could tell that she was really trying not to lose her cool in such a public place, but whatever. She didn't manage it.

She basically exploded on me. She started yelling about me always putting her down and that she was sick of it. That was when I first felt it. Her hair was coming lose from its pony-tail, framing her red face.

And that was that.

I felt this totally strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like the first time I saw Kendra but so much more intense. I was terrified and I guess it showed on my face because she yelled that I couldn't get away with any cute expressions.

Silence covered the whole bowling alley, or at least that's what it felt like. She had frozen solid and her face was pale as snow. My mouth was literally hanging open. I don't know what the others were looking like but I'm sure they were just as shocked.

Well all through the argument, Casey never put down that heavy bowling ball. And her hands were shaking the whole time. I think she forgot that she was even holding it.

Well the rest was history.

She lost her grip on the ball and it plummeted….

Right onto my big toe.

Let me tell you that had to be the most pain I've ever been in. Almost immediately everyone stopped being frozen at what Casey had said. I think I started yelling but everything is sort of a blank to me. What I do know is that when that bowling ball hit my toe the burst of pain must have cleared my brain.

I knew something. And it terrified me more than trying to get my shoe off my swelling toe. Or rushing to the hospital. It even terrified me more than the fact that I wouldn't be able to play hockey for an entire season.

I liked my step-sister.

And that's where I'm stuck. I don't know exactly what to do about it. All I know is that I'm going to bury those feeling so far down that I will forget I even had them in the first place. Because you can't date your step-sister.

But it is kind of hard when Casey's hanging all over me, asking if I need anything or if I'm ok and how sorry she is. The problem is that since this whole thing started I've stopped insulting her. Even dad is starting to notice. And when dad starts to notice something, you know it's as obvious as a fire in Antarctica.

Great.

Well I guess the only thing I can do is watch out for her. When she brings home a new date or boyfriend I'll make sure the guy is keeping his hands to himself. I'll make sure that the guy is decent and not out to hurt her. Because if some creep does hurt her, I'll make sure he has a little…'chat' with the hockey team.

So…what do you think? I just poured my heart and soul out to you and you can't even tell me anything?

I've gone nuts. I'm arguing with a stuffed monkey. A stuffed monkey who's named Sir-Monks-A-Lot. Great. Edwin is no longer the only crazy monkey guy. I've poured my inner thoughts out like a girl at a slumber party to a monkey.

Great. I am now Derek the Pychopat-

"NO! I have no idea where Sir-Monks-A-Lot is, Marti! Try Edwin!"

As long as you're here anyway, I might as well get your opinion on what's going on between Emily and Sam.

The End


A/N: Well? How was it? Good? Sucky? Funny? So-So?

In case you didn't get the Edwin isn't the only Crazy monkey guy, it's from It's Our Party when Derek catches Edwin kissing the monkey.

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