I don't own the X-Files, but I do own the poem I wrote it after a visit to the doctors, please let me know what you all think, thanks a million.
Takes place during Scully's Cancer time. So Season Four/ Season 5
I look at the world and try to understand
how we can fail to offer a helping hand.
Look at her, see the body? So frail and old
but she is so young, and her skin is so cold
In her body a disease has taken it's toll
And in life she longs to know what is her role.
Mulder looked over to the woman at his side, though he knew she was so young in age, barely in her early thirties she looked as if she had aged at least fifteen years. Her skin was pale and her hair was brighter, looking horrible compared to her skin. He fought back the tears, even though he was the only one there with her and she was asleep.
He had remembered seeing her here in this bed, the second his eyes fell on her his heart sunk, he fell apart and he wanted nothing more than to rush to her side to pull her out of the bed and tell her she was faking it, but instead skinner had security holding him back. When he wanted to hold her the most, to make sure she was real, he was denied, he could not live his life that way, he knew he had to find her a cure, he could not loose her.
She stares into nothing, lost in her own thoughts,
Dreaming of a world, a field covered in forget-me-nots.
The tears fall freely down her face,
Never has she ever felt so out of place,
Soon there will be no more tears to fall,
For as she watches the children play, she has come to envy them all,
So full of a life she will never get to live,
Receiving love she will never be allowed to give.
"Good morning." Mulder said softly pulling Scully's gaze away from the window. Though she is awake and a smile is on her face she still looks aged. Bags sit under her eyes and shades of black and blue makes their way out, he knows this is now way for her to live.
"Morning." She whispers out happily as he makes his way over to her and encases her in a deep hug, she immediately feels better from emotional turmoil.
As he pulls away he notices one stray tear has made it's way down her face and he softly brushes it away. He gives her a small look and she quickly turns her gaze back to the window as if his gaze burns holes in her head.
Giving up on getting her to look at him, he makes his way over to the window and looks to see what she finds so interesting. Across the street a park rests and children run about playing on the playground running about and laughing. He looks to her with an apologetic frown, knowing she isn't paying attention, but is shocked when she speaks.
"It's not your fault, Mulder. You shouldn't blame yourself."
The color is gone from her lips and her skin is pale,
It's painful to move, to speak, that is why she doesn't tell her tale.
The fire of life that once burned bright in her eyes is dead,
She hardly ever sees the world now that she is confined to a hospital bed.
She longed to answer the questions you once asked,
But due to her weakness this has become no easy task,
It has become hard for her to speak,
So she takes your hand in hers and you notice her grip is weak,
Scully looked past her family that day. Today was not a good one, her nose had bled and she had fainted in her mothers arms. She was rushed into the emergency room and not that long ago more bad news followed, the tumor has been moving at an increasingly fast rate, she has been given anywhere from three months to a year to live.
Her heart had been broken in two at the knowledge that before her very eyes her life was slipping away and there was little she could do. After her family had left she had sat with Mulder, nothing was said, but than again, in some cases not much had to be said.
Mulder had come to notice she had been loosing more color in her skin and as he held her hand he gave it a gentle squeeze, but the squeeze he got back was nothing, she was dying and though he knew this the reality of it all hit hard from the smallest of actions, that small little gesture she offered him, that grip.
"I'll cure you, Scully. Good night." He said later that night as he left and kissed her forehead. She didn't answer because she was already fast asleep and he was glad she was because if not she would have seen the tears that were now falling down his face like rivers.
His heart broke in million pieces, the woman he had come to love, his best friend, his partner, his better half……his Scully was dieing. That night he went home and contemplated joining her and his sister in the land of the dead. How bad could it be to join the black parade?
A tear falls from her eye and you brush it away,
It won't be long now, you know she cannot stay.
Every breath she takes you are afraid is her last,
You want this to be over with and in the past.
The chemo that once promised hope
is long gone, leaving her to cope
with knowledge that death is not far off,
as the pain increases with every breath... every cough.
Eyes so tired and skin so pale
she tried to fight it, only to fail
she's scared to close her eyes
for fear, here she may meet her demise.
It had taken a lot of time and coaxing to finally end up here but they did it. Mulder even had to lie to one of the older nurses and Scully had to agree to being his sister if the older nurse asked, but it was worth the lie.
They sat in the hospital garden together that day eating from a small picnic basket he had packed them. She had told him everything she had wanted and against hospital orders he had gotten her everything. He wanted to know that if she was going to leave him that her last days were the best.
They spent the remainder of the day just talking about friends and family and about what they were going to do in the future, forgetting about the fact that Scully may not even have a future. They would have stayed there longer, except for the fact that Scully started going into a coughing fit and blood started coming out and they both agreed it was time they got her back to her room where they could keep a better eye on her.
He stayed with her until she fell asleep and left that night only to come back around midnight and cry his heart out on her sleeping form. He cried for everything. He cried as if every last tear were her life line and he so desperately wanted her to live and stay with him forever.
As her condition worsens she begs the pain to cease,
And you do all you can to offer her peace,
Tears run down your face as she lies in her bed,
Begging for the pain to stop, grasping her head,
The tumor has taken over, slowly shutting her down,
You can only pray she will beat it and stick around,
For the need to live is far greater than death
but it is hard with every intake of breath
Scully had grown worse in her condition as time grew on, her tumor increased and as much as she tried to fight it off the pain grew. Some nights she was left to cry herself to sleep for no amount of any drug could subside the pain that was inflicted from the inside of her eye.
She could only pray the Mulder could do what he promised to do, she could only pray he could find her a cure, because as much as she hated to admit it, as much as she had tried to look past it, she was not done here, she was madly and deeply in love with her partner and she wasn't done living with him yet.
That night before Scully feel asleep she gave a silent prayer that Mulder found her a cure because if he didn't her undying love for him would die with her and be buried and nobody would ever know. Sad as it was she was not ready to express the feelings of a tortured soul for if she did she was scared he would see it as a desperate attempt from a dying girl, and that was not something she wanted.
Yet as the clock ticks down to the end
there is nothing left to pretend
death is knocking at her door
but this is good……she will be in pain no more.
Scully looks over to the clock and pays close attention as the hands seem to slow down, her heart rate seems to decrease as well, she never imaged this is what it would be like to die, but god help her now, she would swear this was it.
As the hands on the clock froze her gaze shot to the window near her door the world outside seemed to froze for everybody seemed still, and only she moved, but only a fool made a move in a still world. A quick swift movement out of the corner of her eye has her head turned quickly and soon she is faced with a creature so fearful she is sure she is dreaming.
He is nothing but pure bone, and nothing but skull, the rest of him is covered in a black robe and in his left hand he carries a scythe while in his right hand is a list. He looks over to her and instead of eyes he has black empty eye sockets and as her eyes bare into his eye sockets she feels death cold and gut wrenching at the back of her neck.
She tries to scream, but knows it's useless, she tries to run but her legs won't move. She watches as he looks her in the eyes and just watches her, never moving or speaking, death is merely mocking her. Then a miracle happens. She blinks. He is gone, everybody outside is moving about in a rush and she is sitting up in her bed her heart racing.
A nurse races in and checks her quickly telling her to lie down. Just as Scully relaxes on the bed she steals a glance to the clock atop the wall by the TV, the hands have started ticking and she knows her prayers have been answered, Mulder will find her cure.
Please review and let me know how it was. Thanks to Gilliandana for telling me ot post it, I wasn't sure if I should but you said it was good enough so thanks for the confidence boost. YAY 7-25-2008