A/N: Well, I never thought this day would come, and here I am trying my hand once again at humor writing. Judging on how successful The 'Reno' Diet was, I'm hoping this one will be just as, if not more successful. There isn't a whole lot of humor in the first chapter, I'm just setting the scene really, but I'm giving you a nice long chapter to begin with, although I can't promise every chapter will be like this.
I know I said I was waiting until I finished writing one of my other stories to start this one, but I just couldn't wait any longer. Therefore, updating on this story will be very slow until I have actually finished something.
Enjoy, and please review - pretty please?
"Reno! Wake the hell up right now!"
"Wha-?" Reno sat bolt upright, staring the blonde Turk in front of him right in the face.
"What do you think you're doing?" Elena said angrily.
"Sleeping." Reno yawned, lying back down again.
"Do you know what day it is?" The blonde asked.
"Yes. It's Thursday. Do you know what that means?"
"The Chinese take-away closes early tonight?" Reno suggested with an awkward smile on his face.
"You're supposed to be at work." Elena said, trying to calm down slightly. "Tseng was going to come himself but he decided to leave you since you seem so un-keen to keep your job."
"Heh." Reno put his hands behind his head. "Did Tseng tell ya to say that?"
"What?" Elena said, flustering. "No. Now come on, get up."
"You know," Reno said, ruffling his own hair in an attempt to make it look more acceptable. "If I didn't know you didn't give a crap about me keeping my job, I would have been almost touched by your concern of my attendance."
"Why have you missed so many days?" Elena asked. "We haven't heard anything from you for days."
"Felt ill." Reno shrugged.
"Why didn't you call?"
"Can't find my phone." Reno told her, looking sleepily around his apartment.
"I'm not surprised." Elena said, shaking her head looking at their messy surroundings. "I bet it was heaven for you to stay in my apartment. It can't be healthy to live like this… you probably caught a bug from your apartment."
"Shut it 'Lena." Reno said, grabbing his jacket. "Let's get goin'."
The two Turks exited Reno's apartment, after Elena reminding Reno to lock his door. It was about to be Reno's first day at work, well half-day, since he'd won his bet, and began consuming his normal, and in Elena's opinion, disgusting amounts of sugary food. It was bound to be entertaining, and probably quite hazardous.
Reno had returned to his apartment at the end of the last day of the bet, and no one had heard from him since then. Elena was surprised mainly by the fact that he hadn't tried to claim his reward. Not even one phone call about a date, or even seeing her. Elena had known Reno long enough however, to know that he would never forget, and was probably just drawing the whole thing out like that to make it work better to his advantage.
They had decided to just walk to work, since it was only about a 10 minute walk from Reno's apartment. Elena had driven to his place from home, but she would just come and pick her car up later. Elena looked over at the redhead as they walked, finding it odd that he wasn't really talking to her. He still wasn't his usual hyperactive self, even though he had been granted the gifted of being able to eat whatever he wanted for several days now. All of the Turks had noticed how much weight Reno had lost in the mere two weeks of healthy eating, and Elena would have expected him to put the weight back on easily so he looked a little healthier again, but he still had the same drawn, gaunt look about him, despite his slightly happier expression.
Reno ruffled his hair again as they stepped out of the windy outdoors and through the front entrance of Shin-Ra Inc. HQ. Elena smiled amusedly at the look on Reno's face; as though he was angry at the wind for messing up his hair.
"Nice of you to turn up, Reno."
"S'up boss-man." Reno said, saluting mockingly.
Elena shook her head; sometimes Reno could be too confident in himself. After all, Tseng was bound to not be very happy with him, and yet he still found it appropriate to have his same 'I-don't-give-a-crap' attitude.
"Where have you been?" Tseng asked patiently.
"Ah, sorry I'm late, I lost track of time…" Reno looked from Tseng to Elena, noticing the expressions on both their faces. "…and days as well…sir."
"Well, you'll find your paperwork where you left it and plenty more of it as well." Tseng carried on, not seeming to care about Reno's lack of excuse.
"Yes, sir." Reno replied in an unusually happy tone. "What?" He said defensively as he saw the way the two other Turks were staring at him.
"It's paperwork, Reno." Elena said. "You hate paperwork. Why are you so happy?"
"Well, I do hate paperwork, but at least I only have mine to do." Reno grinned, beginning to make his way to his office.
Elena swallowed hard, a little nervous about Reno's reference to their bet, because of course Reno had agreed to do all of Elena's paperwork if he lost the bet. How long would it be until he actually tried to claim his prize?
She had to admit though, it had taken her a while to come to terms with the fact that Reno had actually won. She really didn't think he would have had it in her. So either he really wanted that date, or he was a lot healthier than he let on. Elena figured the first one was more likely.
"Elena, you have a little bit of paperwork that's just been put in your office. Nothing too complicated." Tseng told her kindly. "You do have a mission later as well, I haven't mentioned it to either Reno or Rude, but all three of you are to go."
"Yes, sir. What's the mission?" Elena asked interestedly.
"I'll tell you later." Tseng replied. "But when you've finished your paperwork, grab Reno and come to my office. I know he won't be finished, but we don't have all day."
"Yes, sir. And what about Rude?"
"I'll tell Rude. Don't worry about that."
"Okay, sir." Elena finished before leaving to go to her office. Missions were always interesting, but Elena could tell this one would be a little bit awkward. Usually, if the mission was easy, Tseng would send Elena and Reno. If it was a little harder, he would send Reno and Rude, to make sure the job got done safely and effectively. Elena had never been sent on her own, but she knew both Reno and Rude had. It was only on difficult missions that he wanted all three of them to go.
Elena entered her office, closing the door behind her, finding everything as she left it. She had half expected Reno to have sneaked into her office before she got their, and played one of his usual pranks in return for her making him come to work.
It only took her a few minutes after sitting down to work out that she had been right in suspecting. Sitting on her desk were two pens she hadn't left there that morning. They were both chewed, one slightly more than the other, and it didn't take Elena long to figure out where they came from. She remembered that day when they had only just started their bet, and she and Reno had argued about him eating her pens. Grudgingly, she had lent him a second pen, almost certain that she would never get either of them back. How he had remembered them, and then actually found them in the slum Reno called an office was beyond her. Even she had completely forgotten about it.
Sighing, she put one of the pens in her drawer and picked up the other one whilst pulling her small amount of paperwork towards her. A date here, and a signature there; it didn't take her long to finish, and before long she had put the other pen in her drawer and picked up her paperwork, ready to give to Tseng when she saw him. She picked up her keys and put them in her bag, then picked up the bag and exited the office, closing the door behind her.
It wasn't often Elena had to go to Reno's office, since he usually came to her, so it had taken her a while to actually learn where it was. It was easier to find at the moment though, because the corridor where it was found was littered with planks of wood and there was plaster all over the floor where the builders had left it from fixing his ceiling a couple of weeks beforehand. If they were expecting Reno to move it for them, they had another thing coming.
Elena twisted the handle of Reno's office door, but for some reason it was locked. Sighing she knocked on the door, dreading hearing the reason why the door was locked.
"Reno, get out here." She shouted.
There was a click and the door opened, allowing Elena to see a relieved looking Reno.
"Why is the door locked?" the blonde asked.
"Security reasons." Reno said awkwardly.
"How nice of you to protect the rest of the staff from yourself." Elena said sarcastically. "Thank you for the present by the way and… oh my-"
"What?" Reno asked defensively.
"Have you tidied your office?" Elena said, her jaw dropping.
"I was… looking for something." Reno stuttered. Elena could tell from the way his eyes were darting backwards and forwards that he was hiding something. Also the fact that his arms were crossed, hiding his arms in his jacket were a big give-away.
"Okay…" The redhead sighed. He pulled his arms out of jacket, revealing something small and furry. At first, Elena thought it was a rat, and she wouldn't have been surprised if it was, but then she remembered...
"I told you about him before, didn't I?" Reno asked, holding up the polecat. "I said I adopted a ferret, remember?"
"I didn't think you were being serious…" Elena said, eyeing the black and brown ferret suspiciously. "Why is it here?"
"Well that's the thing you see." Reno told her. "I couldn't remember where I left him, so I had to sort through my office to try and find him."
"Well come on. We have to go see Tseng." Elena told him. "But first, can you please do something about the wood out there?"
"Sure thing 'Laney." Reno put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a handful of dog-food and threw it on the floor. "There ya go little Buster." He put the ferret on the floor, and it promptly ran to the food and started eating.
Reno smiled pleasantly at Elena and went outside, grabbing as much wood as he could hold and brought it back into his office. He briefly put it down on the floor and cracked his knuckles.
"Buster?" Elena said, looking at the polecat on the floor. "Is that his name?"
"Yep," Reno said picking the wood up again. "'Cause it sounds like 'bastard' and that's what I called him after he stole my breakfast first day I had him."
"Was your breakfast dog-food?" Elena asked, looking at the little ferret happily munching on the dog-food.
"No, it's not bad though ya know." Reno said.
Elena sighed and shook her head, watching Reno as he lifted the wood up, and hurled it out of his open window.
"Reno, why did you do that?" Elena asked disbelievingly. She was slightly surprised at herself for not stopping him from throwing it out.
"It's alright, there's a skip on the floor out there. Coincidence, huh?" Reno smirked. "It's come in useful."
"Just come on." Elena said, leaving Reno's office with the redhead behind her.