Written for the Weathering Heights Challenge at Part of Him on Livejournal using the prompts "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" by CCR and high pressure
I know I've been wrong in the past, but I really don't understand why Edward is fighting this so hard
'Someone told me long ago there's a calm before the storm,
I know; it's been comin for some time.
When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day,
I know; shinin down like water.'
-Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?"
I know I've been wrong in the past, but I really don't understand why Edward is fighting this so hard.
After Carlisle casts the final vote, the rest of the family watches Edward storm out of the room and listen to him proceed to destroy half the living room. Instead, I watch Bella's face. The mask of defiance and strength that my friend has been wearing has crumbled slightly, but she is able to compose herself before anyone else had a chance to notice. As much as Edward's outburst has upset her, she knows that someday she'll be one of us, which has to make her both happy and terrified at the same time. Edward seems to think that she doesn't see a downside to her plan; that she only seems the glamour. But in this moment, it's obvious that she knows the consequences. She's offering to give up existence for him, no matter what the cost is.
That's when I see.
Despite our conversation on the plane to Florence, I know I'm not going to be the one to change her. It isn't because I think I'll lose control and kill her, as I led her to believe, but rather that despite the protest and struggle that Edward is putting forward he's already decided somewhere inside himself that if anyone is going to change her, it will be him. I just don't think he grasps that yet.
The future is set, yet as always, flexible. I can see how it will be if nothing changes drastically between now and then, whenever it is. She's lying on his bed upstairs, on top of the gold sheets, writhing in pain with the fresh bite mark at the nape of her neck already healing with Edward sitting at the end of the bed by her feet. He appears to be horrified with what he's done; my brother. Seeing him now, with the moonlight pouring in the window, I've never seen him so human. His skin somehow looks even paler than normal, his face is buried into his hands so not to look at what he's done to her and he's shaking uncontrollably. I'm certain that if it were possible, tears would be streaming down his face. He doesn't seem to be able to form complete thoughts, let alone speak, but at the same time I can see that his legs are touching her legs. He can still feel her under his skin and offer her a form of physical reassurance while he's unable to do so verbally.
I admire his strength. Bella, his singer's, blood in his mouth for a second time, and he was able to stay strong and in control. Once again, I am amazed to find myself comparing him to our adopted father. Nurture over nature, indeed.
I can also see that it isn't accidental. This bite was planned and everything in my vision confirms it. I'm pleased, yet surprised, to see that there is a gold band on each of their left hands, signalling that Bella has officially joined our family already despite still being human. Carlisle's medical bag is open on the mirrored table near the door, and a half empty syringe of morphine rests beside it, an obvious attempt has been made to numb the burn that must be coursing through Bella's body. I can hear music coming softly from Edward's stereo in the corner, and can identify it as the music that he composed for her, evidently an attempt to calm her during her transition. The bite placement itself indicates advanced planning, as its location is optimal for quick and short passage of Edward's venom into her heart, and it is fairly shallow, unlikely to leave much of a mark. I know from Jasper's marks that bites of passion, of defence or for the kill are deep, scarring and rushed. Everything in this situation was well thought out: organized and prepared. I can't help but wonder in this glimpse that all this preparation might actually be working. Bella's physical pain is obvious, but she doesn't cry out, doesn't even whimper. Perhaps most of the pain during vampire transformation is mental, and Bella is somehow immune yet again.
My vision scans the rest of the house. Carlisle and Esme are in Carlisle's study, curled up together on the sofa, speaking softly. They have no concerns for Bella's safety during her transformation. If something had happened or gone wrong, Edward would have alerted them. After all this time, their concern is still on Edward. Carlisle is talking about how this may affect him spiritually, as Edward's existential view on their being has put him in a rather unfavourable position at the moment. Will he be the same Edward to walk out of the bedroom that went into it? Esme is convinced that Edward's heart will overrule his brain for once and this will be what makes him realise that vampire's do have souls. He'll still be able to see Bella's soul and innate goodness intact despite her change, and hopefully this will make him see himself more clearly also. I hope this is the case. Edward has always had a rather stubborn view on this. In his mind, our actions prove nothing and we are damned from the start, being what we are. I know he's wrong, but he continues to bet against me.
Rosalie, Emmett and I are in the garage. More accurately, Emmett and I are in the doorway watching Rosalie hammer the hell out of her BMW with a wrench. Now that the moment is upon us, Rosalie is livid about Bella's choice, although she had to know that it was coming. In the present she had voted no, and had explained herself calmly enough, but this was a loud and violent action saying otherwise. I sympathise with her, but I know that despite what she says and what she's doing, if she were in Bella's position, she would do the same thing. She would go through this to be with Emmett, as would I to be with Jasper. Maybe I don't understand it well enough as I don't remember my time as a human, whereas she clings to her memories.
I can see that Emmett and I are speaking and I can tell that he is clearly annoyed at her double standard. Rosalie hadn't given him a choice when she had taken him to Carlisle. How can she be so upset about Bella, who is doing this to be with Edward forever? Is it really so wrong if it makes them happy in the long run? She had wanted someone to vote no for her, but they were different situations. Bella wanted people to vote yes. By denying her what she wanted, it was the same as Rosalie being changed despite what she wanted. I could see myself nodding slightly at his words and continue to watch Rosalie. The banging against the car engine gets louder, indicating the Rosalie has heard Emmett, but is trying to drown him out. Emmett growls and walks out the door and into woods behind the house, while my future self stays where I am, keeping lookout on my sister.
Jasper is pacing around the parameter of his bedroom, which is a worrying sign as he's generally the most patient of us all. He is walking at an agonizingly slow pace, breathing deeply and intentionally and the expression on his face is unmistakable to someone who knows him as well as I do – it's reflected pain. In general, it's forgotten how people's emotions affect him, not just how he can affect moods and state of others. There are three people in this house currently going through tumultuous anguish and by the looks of it, he's been told not to interfere, and it's driving him frantic. The two of us have spoken about it in the past at great lengths about how some emotions need to go through the process and not be just whisked away and glossed over. Bella, Edward and Rosalie all need to be feeling the way they are right now, no matter how horrid it is, in order to move forward. Blocking it now will just lead to more suffering later. I know this, and I know that Jasper knows this. I'm actually surprised to still see him in the house through all the torment and pressure that must be passing through him, as it would have been easier on him to be outside with Emmett. Perhaps he's waiting for someone to give in, and let him soothe their pain, or maybe he's simply waiting for Bella's transformation to be over so that he can help Edward handle newborn Bella. This is one of the times where I wish I could see the future within the future, but I know it then gets far more speculative than it already is. Jasper's future and path always concerns me, but I know that when I saw myself in the garage, I didn't look that concerned, so Jasper should be fine for now.
I drift back into Edward's room and am shocked to see that Bella is talking to Edward; however it only takes a couple seconds of listening to know that she's either sleep talking or hallucinating. Her words are fragmented and inconsistent, turning into babbling. Edward has stopped shaking and is now able to look at Bella's form lying on the bed, but the brooding is still apparent. He is sitting with his back against the bed post watching her with half closed eyes, listening; possibly realising that this is the last time he'll get to hear her unguarded, unconscious thoughts. He's taken to gently caressing her leg closest to him lightly with his fingertips, letting her know in her state that he's there, and that she is not alone. I can see that she can feel his touch beyond the pain her body is in. She smiles slightly, murmurs his name softly and then slides back into her incoherent mumbling. At the sound of his name, he closes his eyes completely and as he continues the motion on her leg, a small sad smile reaches the corners of his mouth. He knows that things will be different now, as Bella's life as a human ends and will now continue on as we do. Part of me wants to reach out and touch him, offer some bit of comfort while Bella struggles, but I am unable to be of any assistance from my position of the outsider.
And then it is done.
I'm back sitting in our dining room, and Edward is charging back in the door, fuming. Edward. My favourite brother. My fellow freak of nature. Once he calms down and sees what I've seen, he'll know it's unavoidable, that despite what he wants, Bella will be one of us. I won't try and hide this from him. Bella's asked me to do it; to be the one to change her, and I've turned her down, feigning fear. It's not fear that holds me back, simply the knowledge that it's not my purpose, nor is it Carlisle's. It's Edward's.
The conversation continues around me, and although I'm taking part, my mind is still focused on what I've seen. Before I notice, Edward is escorting Bella towards the back door, and as Edward opens it for her, he meets my gaze and I'm able to make out immediately that he's seen my vision also. As I wonder to myself if he will take any of it into consideration, he hears me, nods slightly and walks out into the night and I begin to think Esme was may have been right while speaking to Carlisle in my vision.
Edward will follow his heart, and although his heart may not agree right now, it will be won over eventually and Bella will become part of us in more ways than one.
I've got some planning to get started on.
Thanks for reading! Comments are much appreciated :)