Brave Sir Robin and the Chicken of Bristol

Brave Sir Robin and the Chicken of Bristol

This is a true and accurate account of the deeds of Sir Robin, and his brave encounter with the malevolent Chicken of Bristol, against whom he nearly stood up.

The incident occurred just a few days after the battle of Baden Hill at which Sir Robin personally wet himself, it was a fair day and Sir Robin was tired after having travelled many a mile with his favourite minstrels. As night loomed the weary companions approached an inn. Light poured out of its windows into the gloom, and the sounds of merry men and a hearty feast welcomed the travellers. They drew yet nearer and entered the tavern through the heavy oak door, worn by time and ravaged by the winds of the open moors. The innkeeper welcomed them in a jovial fashion and invited them to join the feast in progress. The famished companions were grateful for this, for long had been their journey.

"O gracious innkeeper" began Brave Sir Robin, "we are indeed appreciative of your warm welcome, let my minstrels provide the entertainment as you have provided the food."

The innkeeper was pleased by this and bid the minstrels play. The bards then began a long and meticulously detailed account of Sir Robin's life history, from his fearlessness in blowing out the scary looking candles on his first birthday cake to his most recent excuse for a bit of good publicity. Although the minstrels were not the finest in the land the performance was enjoyed by all as Sir Robin's reputation far proceeded him, and there were few within the in who did not know the true reason for Sir Robin's recent journey. Such was Sir Robin's total self-obsession that he did not realise the guests at the inn were only humouring him and his minstrels' "true accounts" of his life. The reality was that half the country knew that Sir Robin's popularity was fading in the court of King Arthur, who had realised that Sir Robin was a pompous, self-inflated ninny, whose bravest act was leaving his hair dryer at home once when there wasn't quite enough room in his suitcase. And so Brave Sir Robin had left the court of Camelot to journey through out the country performing various "brave deeds" (whist working part-time as a roadie for his minstrels).

Many months down the line, Sir Robin had finally arrived at this inn in Gloucester, and brave deeds were running a bit thin on the ground, well to be fair there aren't really that may brave deeds to be performed in the mediaeval south west of England so Brave Sir Robin was keeping his ear to the ground in case any of the locals at the pub could give him a hint as to any strange going-ons in these parts.

Until now and withered and dried up old man had sat in the corner relatively unnoticed in a weather stained green cloak. Now he rose up and began to tell a harrowing tale of death and destruction, yes it was the story of the infamous Chicken of Bristol! The tiny old man bent double on his walking stick took control of the whole room, as the gazed at him fascinated by his story.

Brave Sir Robin upon hearing this tale thought to him-self, "that's ridiculous, a chicken, a chicken is terrorising these people, I can easily stand up to a chicken!"

And so he leapt up onto the table, (knocking over the old man on the way) and announced; "Never fear, poor people, for I, Brave Sir Robin shall defeat this evil chicken for you. No longer shall you be terrorised by its wrath!"

And with that Sir Robin and his minstrels departed from the inn.

The laughter broke loose like a clap of thunder, with all the men inside the inn laughing their heads off. "That was the best story you've told yet, Nick," said the bar man wiping his eyes with his apron, "the Chicken of Bristol" what an idea!