"Ah… It really is a shame," Lavi reclined in his chair, grin playing across his lips and boots ducking from under the table to settle atop its pristine surface.
"Mphf?" queried Allen as eloquently as he could with a mouth full of Jerry's special curry (a secret family recipe).
Lavi looked melodramatically across the cafeteria,
"Oh… it's nothing… Nothing important."
Allen swallowed and opened his mouth to give the expected response of 'no, tell me!' or 'tell us anyway!' but a curt, cold voice beat him to a reply,
"If it's not important then why did you even bring it up? Unless of course you're trying to get us to pester you until you tell, in which case you should just say what you have to say or shut up."
"Well, if you insist, Yu."
"I don't. I really don't care. I just hate the sound of your voi-"
Allen paused in wiping his mouth to protest, thin brows arching, "Lavi, that's so rude! How could-"
"No, no, no Allen! You miss my meaning-
"I don't under-"
"Have you ever looked at her?" Lavi jerked his head towards the cafeteria line where the woman in question was hovering anxiously at the end. Allen followed the motion and then looked back a few times in confusion,
"Well, of course, but-"
"No, Allen," Lavi laced his fingers and leaned across the table, smirking, "I mean looked at her."
"Lavi! How could you," Allen looked from the line to Lavi again, flushing in anger and embarrassment, "of course I haven't… 'looked' at her! I'm only fifteen!"
"When I was fifteen-"
Lavi paused and looked at Kanda. Kanda was looking away, eyes tense and hand covering his mouth. He re-crossed his legs and began to jiggle his foot in an uncharacteristically nervous way. Lavi began again,
"When I was fifteen-"
"You got something to say, Yu?"
"Don't call me that," replied Kanda distractedly. "Allen doesn't care what you did when you were fifteen and neither do I."
"I can speak for myself, thank you!" snapped Allen, still flushed. The austere swordsman didn't even spare his usual nemesis a glance. Lavi's single calculating green eye had been trained on Kanda and a thoughtful expression commanding his features during these exchanges but now he smiled knowingly and sat up from his position, crooning,
"I see, Yu! So one of you two has noticed! Knew you had it in you!"
"Che!" To Allen's surprise and Lavi's glee the usually cold exorcist went scarlet and put his face in his hands, muttering so that he was barely audible, "Damn you, Lavi! I never looked until you mentioned it, but now… Ah!" his steely eyes flashed up, wrought with despair. "They're huge."
"WHAT!!" shrieked Allen hoarsely, leaning in towards Kanda. Without meaning to, the boys had all crowded close together in a way not too unlike high school girls whispering about a particularly attractive football player. "What are you talking about?! What are 'they'?!"
"Mmm… I know… her ass isn't too bad either-"
"DAMARE!" Allen and Kanda protested in unison, Kanda slamming his palms down on the table and Allen cringing while becoming steadily more distraught.
"Gehee!" The redhead giggled at his friends' pink countenances and turned slyly to join them in watching the object of their discussion shaking as she stepped up to order.
"Oh my G-"
"IIE!" Kanda collapsed and Allen covered his eyes, throwing his head back while Lavi continued to watch.
Miranda wove back and forth in front of the counter as though she was dodging some invisible, pesky insect.
Kanda and Allen both peered back out from their hiding positions, unable to tear their eyes from the scene before them but clearly suffering from pangs of self-disgust.
It appeared as though she was having some difficulty ordering.
The threesome observed the frauline shift from shaky to bobbing to stock-still.
"So… why exactly did you say she's a shame, Lavi?"
Jerry's head appeared from the opening, soon followed by his torso as Miranda sank to a heap on the floor soundlessly.
"Well…" Lavi began.
"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! I don't deserve to eat here anyways, I- Thank you, I'm sorry!" Miranda leaped up and bolted from the ordering line, nearly knocking into Jerry (who withdrew with admirable speed) and thoroughly shocking a considerable number of eaters with her outburst.
"Yeah… that," he finished with no need for elaboration.
"Mm…" Allen murmured in agreement, relaxing considerably now that their flustered peer had made her exit. "I wish we could help her out…"
"We? I hope you mean yourself and Lavi by that, moyashi." Kanda stood, picking up his tray as he did so.
"Ah, come on, Yu."
"Kanda!" Allen's common sense was overpowered by his unbreakable will to do good and he reached out, grabbing Kanda's sleeve. Kanda whipped around with an expression of complete and total fury, lip curled as if to spit out some outraged comment but no words came. "She's our friend." Lavi very wisely chose to make himself unaccessible and uninvolved in this conversation by shoveling a huge amount of breakfast link in his mouth and picking up the newspaper hastily after getting a good look at Allen and Kanda's expressions. "She's your friend and, whether you admit it or not, you care about her. It's your duty as much as it is Lavi's or mine to help her gain a little more self-confidence." After a few more moments of intense glaring, Kanda jerked his arm out of Allen's grasp.
"Che. I don't have any friends." Kanda walked on to the end of the table and came back around on Lavi's side. He stopped and turned to Allen, tossing his hair. "But a weak exorcist is a useless exorcist. And I doubt you two alone will be able to teach her what she needs to know."
"So you'll help?" Allen brightened considerably. Kanda looked away.
"I'm not making any promises." With that last cold remark, the laconic exorcist continued on his stalk to the tray line and then out the large cafeteria doors to parts unknown. Allen stood, ready to pursue, but Lavi waved him down.
"For Yu, that's as good as a yes. Don't worry. He'll help us."
"Hm!" huffed Allen as he plopped down, muttering, "I don't know why he has to be so rude about it."
"That's just Yu for you… The question now is what exactly are we going to do? If we plan to turn her into a lady we'll need a lady to see if she meets the standards."
"But you know plenty about women, Lavi! Won't you be able to judge just fine? The only lady I can think of is Lenalee and I really don't want to get her involv-"
"Lenalee! That's perfect! When we're done with the transformation we'll see if she measures up to Lenalee."
"Don't worry, Allen!"
"I don't think Lenalee would be too fond of the idea-"
"Then she never has to know!" Allen was not at all pleased with the turn things were taking. He recognized the look of excitement and enlightenment plastered across Lavi's visage all too well. There was no stopping the redhead now. "See, it's perfect! We'll get all the guys together to help give Miranda the confidence she needs to be a real first class lady and make use of all her assets, throw a big party to let her exercise her new talents, and see if Lenalee notices the progress. She'll be our unwitting judge so she won't get all stressed out about our meddling and everything will turn out fine! We can't pass up the chance! This could change Miranda's situation entirely," Lavi went on, attempting to coax some sign of agreement from the skeptical Allen. He leaned across the table and put a hand on the silver-haired exorcist's shoulder. "I mean, it could even help us out in the long run for her to have a little more spunk, like Yu said, a strong exorcist is a useful exorcist-"
"That's not what he said, he said the very opposite-"
"But is that what he meant, Allen?" Lavi's green gaze bored into Allen's gray one seriously. Then the line of his lips curved into one of his sparkling, infectious smiles and Allen couldn't help but relax and return the grin.
"I guess you're right, Lavi, and even if you're not… it's worth a try."
"That's the spirit, Allen!" Lavi gave the slim shoulder a hearty pat before standing up. "Now let's get out of here and find where Yu the mysterious ran off to and tell him the plan of action."
Allen stood too, grabbing his tray, but hesitated.
"Eh? What's wrong?" The older exorcist turned back to his straggling compatriot. Allen put a hand to his stomach and gazed yearningly at the food line before sprinting off while calling over his shoulder,
"I'll catch up with you and Kanda later, okay? All this talking has made me hungry!"
Please tell me about any thing that's unclear or any grammar, spelling, etc. mistakes now so I can nip the little evildoers in the bud!
A thousand thank yous for reading! Hope you enjoyed!