A/N: Hey guys! I'm back again, now with an attempted humor fic... sorry to those who may want to cry at the very bad humor... :) I should seriously just stick to romance-y, angsty stuff... but oh well! I had fun writing it! I hope you like it!
Tsubasa: RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE
Kurogane ran down the halls of Shirasaki castle, cursing to the heavens for his very unpleasant day. Where the hell did that idiotic mage go? Normally, Fai would be clinging onto Kurogane the whole day, but the ninja didn't see the blond since the morning, which made the man extremely annoyed and just the tiniest bit worried. He stopped at the doors of the throne room and threw it open to find Tomoyo-hime idly sewing dresses with Souma standing by her side.
"Souma, Tomoyo," he acknowledged, striding forward to stand in front of the two women. Tomoyo-hime merely smiled pleasantly while Souma instantly bristled in anger.
"Kurogane! How dare you be so rude and disrespectful to the princess! Call her Tomoyo-hime! You, of all people, should understand the impor-"
"God, would you just shut the hell up? I don't have all day. Do you know where the idiot is?" Kurogane exclaimed, eyes narrowed in irritation.
"Ah," Tomoyo remarked, "no wonder Kurogane is so frustrated today. It seems he has lost his Fai-san."
Kurogane's cheeks became tinged with red and he glared slightly at Tomoyo-hime. "That guy is not mine nor did I lose him, and he's definitely not the only reason why I'm pissed off. There are too many damn idiots in this place." The man sighed. "I'm just wondering where the mage went. The last time he was gone this long, he came to my room wearing a frilly, pink dress." Kurogane conveniently chose to leave out what the two did afterwards. Hey, he had to get the blond out of that atrociously girly outfit somehow.
"Ohohohoho, I remember that incident," Tomoyo-hime said, eyes sparkling in mischief. "Pity I wasn't there to see your face when Fai-san did that. But as to your question, I haven't seen him for awhile either. I did see him talking to the chef in the kitchen a few hours ago, but I wouldn't think he would be there unless he was cooking. Did Fai-san cook when you two traveled together?"
"Yeah," Kurogane muttered, eyes distant, frowning slightly. "He used to cook for the kids, but the stuff he made were so sickeningly sweet-" he stopped in mid-sentence, eyes going wide and running towards the door. "Shit. Why didn't I think of it before? Dammit."
And he slammed the doors shut before running off in the direction of the kitchen. Of course. Fai loved sweet things. He hasn't had any confectionaries for some time, so he must have been itching to make some sugary sweets. It was too obvious. So Kurogane stepped in the doorway of the kitchen, all ready to yell at the blond for being stupid, when the sight that awaited him stripped him of all coherent thoughts.
There Fai was, mixing a thick, chocolate batter, tongue peeking out of his lips in concentration, a smudge of chocolate adorning the man's pale cheek. It was by far the most delicious thing Kurogane has ever seen. The ninja stood by the doorway as the blond obliviously attempted to make the batter consistent, frowning slightly at the chocolate chunk that refused to melt into smooth, brown liquid. When Kurogane had his senses about him, he crossed his arms and glared half-heartedly at the man before him.
"What in the world are you doing?" he called out, watching Fai freeze and turn around in surprise.
"Kuro-puu!" he exclaimed, a smile blossoming on his face. He stretched his arms as though he was going to hug the taller man but stopped when he remembered of the batter still attached to his hand. The blond's mismatched eyes widened, and he gave an amusing mix of a gasp and a groan while he hastily placed the bowl on the counter and ridiculously stretched his arms out wide again to hide what was behind him. "Wait! Kuro-pii, go away! You're not supposed to be here. It's not finished yet! Don't you have to go protect Tomoyo-chan or something?"
Kurogane snorted and took a step towards the hyperventilating man. "And why should I go away? What's not finished yet? Are you trying to kill us by forcing sugary crap down our throats?"
Fai pouted slightly and lowered his hands a bit. "It's not sugary crap! No one can die from a sugar-induced death. It's simply not possible! Sugar is wonderful and sweet and yummy…" the mage grinned sneakily. "Just like you, Kuro-tan!"
Kurogane's eyes narrowed and he glared frighteningly at the grinning blond. "Dammit, don't compare me to sugar!" He then suddenly wiped the chocolate from the man's cheek and brought it up to his nose and sniffed it warily. "Chocolate, right?"
Fai stared at Kurogane, his blue and gold eyes wide in shock. "Y-Yeah."
Then the ninja proceeded to taste the confection, and grimaced slightly. "Too damn sweet." It was also very good, but Kurogane decided to leave that out.
The paler man grinned and clapped his hands ecstatically. "Hyuu! Kuro-wan tried my cooking! It's a miracle!" Then the man sighed and put his hands on his hips, sounding serious but with humor still evident in his eyes. "But Kuro-sama still has to go away, since it's not finished ye-"
A loud, piercing noise filled the room. Fai's eyes brightened in recognition and turned around to face the counter while Kurogane jumped at the wailing sound, hand grasping the sword hidden beneath the cloak. "What was that?" he asked the blond warily.
Fai turned around and held a small, circular gadget with numbers around the edges. "It's called a 'timer,'" he explained. "You use it to bake things. See, you just turn this thing so it's pointing to the amount of time you need to bake something, and when it's over, it starts ringing. I got it from Yuuko-san."
Kurogane relaxed, removing his hand from the sword's sheath and glared at the mage. "And why do you need that thing from that cow?"
"Don't call Yuuko-san a cow, Kuro-tan!" he chided. "She is a nice, fair and impartial lady." Fai grinned. "Who can handle her alcohol very well. Ah, that reminds me." The smaller man opened the fire-brick oven to reveal several delicious chocolate treats. He took them out and carefully removed one from the baking pan and placed it on a small, light blue plate decorated with butterflies. Both the plate and the chocolate started shimmering and then disappeared without a trace. "There! My price is paid," Fai said in satisfaction.
"So that timer was for these things? What are they?" Kurogane questioned.
"Hmm? They're called chocolate fondants. It's my first time making them." The blond innocently took out a fork and cut off a rather large piece of fondant. "Would you mind trying it for me?"
"Why would I ever want t-" Kurogane started, but was abruptly cut off when Fai shoved the fondant into his mouth and retrieved the fork, smiling sinisterly.
Kurogane felt a wave of déjà vu go over him as he swallowed the sweet and turned to stare at the other man furiously. "WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THAT IDEA, YOU MORONIC IDIOT?"
Fai just giggled (like a teenage girl, Kurogane noted sullenly) and asked "Well? How does it taste like?"
Kurogane scowled at the unaffected man and replied after a moment of thought. "It tastes like the stuff the Witch gave us in Outo." He paused and frowned. "Which you also shoved down my throat."
The mage either did not hear the last sentence Kurogane said or merely ignored it and smiled happily. "Wonderful! I was hoping it would taste like that." He stopped and wondered for a moment. "Should I send these to Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan? What's the time over in Clow Country?"
"Why did you make them?" the other man asked sharply, red eyes boring into mismatched ones.
"Why?" Fai asked, and Kurogane nodded in affirmation. The blond's smile faltered for a second before it brightened into a saccharine sweet, fake smile. "Ah, I'm not surprised Kuro-muu didn't remember, bu-"
This time, Fai was interrupted by a calloused hand grabbing the front of Fai's yukata and bringing him towards the ninja. "Stupid. I know what today is. I'm not an idiot like you. I asked why you made them, not why you made them today. Don't put that pathetic smile on when you don't want to."
Fai stared at Kurogane in astonishment before smiling softly. He wrapped his arms around the ninja's neck and leaned against the other man's chest. "Sorry," he murmured. "I guess I still have a problem with that."
Kurogane grunted in response and wrapped his arms around Fai's waist. "And the fondants?"
"To celebrate, of course!" Fai looked up at Kurogane with a bright smile.
"But we already have a party pla…shit. That was supposed to be a surprise, wasn't it?" Kurogane looked down at Fai and confirmed the fact that yes, it was to be a surprise by the mage's startled smile.
"Party? Kuro-tan's giving me a party? That's so sweet!" Fai exclaimed, hugging the other man tightly.
"Wait. What? N-No! It was Tomoyo's idea, I had nothing to do with it!"
"But," Fai whispered into Kurogane's neck, "you knew about it, and wanted to keep it a surprise for me. That's what matters." The blond nipped at his neck lightly.
"Hungry?" Kurogane asked, his hand coming up and entangling itself into Fai's hair.
"Nope," the mage replied, head rising to grin cheekily at Kurogane. "Just marking my territory."
"Idiot," Kurogane muttered, picking Fai up bridal style and carrying him out of the kitchens. "Leave the chocolate there. The cooks can serve it for dinner." He paused, looked around and noted the empty hall. The ninja turned to stare at the blond curled up in his arms.
"And don't forget," he leaned down to bite the paler man's neck, which elicited a small gasp from the other man, "you're also mine."
"Good morning, Fai-san. What gives me the pleasure to see you?" Yuuko asked, smiling congenially at Fai.
"Hello there, Yuuko-san," Fai responded, smiling brightly. "I was just wondering if I could have the recipe of those delicious fondants you gave us for Valentine's Day."
"Ah yes, I remember those! They were quite delectable." The witch frowned. "And it seems you and Kurogane-san haven't given me your White Day gifts yet, either." The mage just smiled apologetically, and Yuuko sighed. "Well, no matter. I have to ask Watanuki for the recipe. Watanuki!" the woman called out.
"What?" came the muffled reply from the other room.
Yuuko grinned evilly. "Stop flirting with Doumeki-kun and come over here!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" the boy yelled, and flailed about the room until he saw Fai through a projector window. Another boy quietly walked into the room soon after.
"Oh. Your name is Fai-san, yes? Nice to see you again," Watanuki smiled, waving at Fai.
"It's good to see you again too, Watanuki-kun," Fai replied, smiling at the boy before turning to the silent boy. "You must be Doumeki-kun. Nice to meet you. Are you Watanuki-kun's boyfriend?"
"NO! FAI-SAN, DON'T THINK THAT! THAT GUY IS STUPID, MORONIC, AND-"
"Shut up," said the stoic boy before replying to Fai. "Nice to meet you as well. And no, we're just friends."
"For now," Yuuko sniggered, which sent Watanuki into spasms again. "Hey, Watanuki, do you have the recipe for those chocolate fondants you made a few years ago?"
Watanuki simply blinked in confusion, and Yuuko sighed in annoyance. "You know, the ones you made for Himawari-chan, but she wasn't there, so Doumeki-kun ate it and the Zashiki-Warashi took it along with Doumeki-kun's soul?"
"Ah! Yes, I have that!" and Watanuki dashed off into the kitchen to return seconds later with the paper held triumphantly in his hand.
"Good," Yuuko said, snatching the recipe from the now deflated boy's hands and transporting the paper along with a timer and a blue plate. "You'll need that timer to know how long you need to put the fondants in the oven. As for your price, I want a fondant to eat."
Fai gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am!" Then he grinned, staring at the recipe fondly. "This will be perfect."
Yuuko smiled knowingly and gazed at Fai. "It's been a year already, hasn't it? Since you two arrived to Nihon."
The mage smiled softly. "It's been wonderful. Souma-san, Tomoyo-chan were all so kind… and Kuro-sama is so caring, whether he wants you to know or not. I love seeing him so happy in his own world."
"He wouldn't be as happy without you, Fai-san," Yuuko remarked.
Fai just smiled, eyes distant and looking nostalgic when a rustle alerted him of the other person in the room. "I'm sorry, Yuuko-san, but I must leave now. Kuro-wan's waking up. Thank you for the recipe!" and the projector window disappeared along with the image captured on it. Yuuko smiled contentedly.
"It's nice to know those two made it through the year," she said, and smirked. "This deserves some celebration for us as well. Watanuki, bring us some sake!"
A/N: Did you like it? Did you dislike it? If you said yes to one of the aforementioned questions, review! :) oh, and sorry to those who haven't read xxxHOLIC and didn't exactly know what was going on... I just couldn't resist poking fun at Watanuki and Doumeki XD But if you guys have a comment about it, please review...even a 'good job' or 'could be better' will satisfy me! (Although if you said 'could be better, can you please elaborate on it? I want to improve in every was possible :D) I'm still thinking of more stories, but I need to write it down in pen, so I may not post for a week or two... But don't worry! I'll be back! To everyone who read up to this point, thank you for reading the story! :)