A/N: If you like this story I may continue it. I will need reviews to indicate if other chapters are desired.
The gloom of the rainy night made his mood even worse. Asha was buzzing around, vying for his attention. Max was nowhere in sight. And Bling had stepped to the side for the time being until Logan got his head on straight. The rain poured down the glass window as Asha continued to talk at him.
Abruptly Logan turned to look at the blond in his apartment. She was mid-sentence when he said, "Asha, I'd like to be alone… for a while."
"Excuse me?!" she questioned.
"I'm beyond polite right now… Just go."
"Fine… I'll check on you tomorrow," she said gathering her jacket.
"No… You won't." Asha looked at him strangely. "When I said I wanted to be alone for a while I meant days… weeks, rather then hours. I need a break," Logan said holding onto a small amount of air in his lungs.
"Why?! Did I do something?" she asked turning his head as she regarded him, the way Max used to.
He cringed. "When Max was dead, you
coming over was mildly okay since you knew I was grieving. Now it feels like I
am betraying her by having you here."
Logan's eyes filled with fire, "Don't ever say that again."
"I'm sorry. It came out badly… I just don't see why our friendship has to suffer because she's at arms length."
"Because Asha, you're not the one I want to be sharing dinner and wine with. You aren't the one I want to tell stories to. You aren't the one I want to come rescue when things go badly. All that is for Max and Max only… Now I need you to go," he said with a certain degree of finality.
"Fine… Maybe it would be best if a different Eyes Only informant contacts me from now on."
"Maybe so…" They stared at each other a moment before Asha sighed and left the penthouse.
Logan took his position in front of the window once again, staring into the darkness. A slight creak in the wood floor behind him confirmed his sense that Max was in the apartment.
"I meant it…" he called. Silence followed, as Max was unwilling to admit she was eavesdropping. "I don't want to share my life with anyone but you. Touching or no touching." Silence still reigned supreme. "Do you know how awful it feels to have you so close and yet you won't talk to me anymore? My heart broke in those woods… A part of me died with you."
Logan started toward the living room. "When you came in here alive, that part rose like the phoenix in my soul. Even when I knew we couldn't touch, I thought we would still have dinner and chat. I thought I'd at least get to be emotionally close to you still," he said to Max through the transparent walls of his home. He could see her outline, posed ready to retreat.
He rounded the corner and pinned her with his sorrowful eyes saying, "How could I have known you would let them win by giving up? How was I to know you were going to retreat behind the walls of your heart that I so carefully worked to gain access to? Maybe it would have been better if I had died that first night you arrived home? At least then I wouldn't be faced with you keeping me at arms length… not just from your body but from all of you."
Max looked almost scared as she stared back at him. "What do you want from me?" she whispered breathlessly. "I refuse to let you die because of me."
"Fine but don't refuse all the other parts I love in you. Don't refuse me your heart…" he muttered.
Max breathed unevenly feeling trapped and terrified. "I… I don't know how."
"You don't know how to do what?" Logan asked.
"I don't know how to give you … my heart…" she whispered. "I understand how to touch and be touched… I don't know about the rest."
Logan approached her very carefully gazing at her fully and then focusing on her eyes. "Do you know I love you? Can you feel it even though I haven't kissed you or held you tonight? Can't you feel it in the way I regard you, the way I speak to you?"
She had to look away due to the intensity of his eyes and words. She shuttered from the thoughts of him wrapped around her with his body. "We will find a way to beat this but for God sake don't let them destroy us. Don't let them succeed in driving us apart. There is a lot more to life and love then touch."
"Like what Logan? I only know how to show you how I feel with my body. Basic human connection… I didn't learn how to court and be courted. What I know is when I look at you, I want you to make love to me so badly it hurts. I can't risk giving into that feeling in a moment of weakness and have you die," Max responded.
"So that's it… You can't learn to be more then your supposed 'programming.' You a solider first and a woman second… and even then biology is all you have to work with. I'm sorry Max; I don't buy it. You're just scared and lazy. It is easier to throw your hands up and say it can't be done then work at it. Well let me tell you something, any relationship is going to be hard but one between us will be harder. We have to fight for this," Logan answered.
Max sat back on the couch and pouted, unable to decide what to do. Logan sat down putting a fair amount of space between them so Max wouldn't freak out. In the back of his mind he couldn't understand why she couldn't see the potential for touching with the right precaution. He knew if she couldn't accept their relationship on a theoretical level, there was no way it would work on a practical level.
Dark and haunting
Telling me all I need to know
Hope arises briefly
Like an amber
That glows hot then dies
Only smoke and mist
In my eyes
Does she see the same?
Can she see my fear?
Can she see my hope?
In my eyes
Does she see all she needs to know?
Does she see my love and commitment?
Does she see my pain and frustration?
Does she know what I have gone through?
What I will go through…for her?
My heart is bare
Open for spurn or adoration
I am waiting for my love
For the return of my affection
And yet it will not be
I can see she's already given up
Dark and haunting
Do not look at me again
You wound me too much
Because you are unwilling to try
Love me no longer
Let my heart go
Plague my dreams no more
Leave me to my bed to weep
Because you will not move
I stretch out my hand
To embrace your love
I stretch out my heart
To receive it
If you can offer me no more
Then just go