A/N – To all of my HM readers sorry but this one story is based on the movie prince Caspian which if you haven't seen I highly recommend it!
Also I don't own the characters from C.S. Lewis. Get it? Got it? Good. (Goes for every chapter)
"Aren't you coming Phyllis?"
The voice of the boy with the awkward looking smile and coke bottle glasses stunned Susan into realization.
She was back.
As the rest of the Pevensies rushed to gather their things Susan was barely aware of what was happening. She went through the motions of getting her suitcase and jacket and rushed onto the train like everyone else. She stood and braced herself for the motion that was soon to follow. She even tried to smile at Edmund and his almost joke about leaving his new torch in Narnia.
But then she stopped. Her smile disappeared.
It struck her like a wave of ice water. She was back in England. And here she was listening to her brother talk about a stupid torch that he had left back in Narnia. A torch that they could replace. The thought that was even more terrifying to her was that it was a torch that he might be able to retrieve himself…when he went back without her.
Susan tried to breath but the air around her seemed incapable of bringing her the relief she needed. He could go back…and she couldn't. A handful of steps had changed her life….forever. A chill went through her as images of everything she had left behind swept through her mind's eye.
She saw the crowd of Telmarines and Narnians standing together…a feat they had all fought valiantly to achieve.
She saw her throne next to those of her brothers and her sister from where they had ruled over Narnia and brought peace and prosperity to many.
She saw the soldiers and peasants that she had taught to defend themselves as she shared her gift for archery.
She saw the respect and devotion of those she had ruled over as they came to her for help.
And she saw him.
She struggled with her breathing again as she clearly saw his beautiful face and the pain that had washed over it when she told him she wasn't coming back. That look caused her more pain than any hundred arrows. But she had told herself that she had to be strong, that she had to keep herself together for her family.
But they hadn't seen what she had.
She saw him and the king he would become. She saw the king who would fight passionately to defend his countrymen and the man whose heart was as gentle as Lucy's.
She saw the timidity and longing in his eyes as he had looked at her, not trusting himself to truly give his heart away when everyone in his life thus far had either betrayed or left him.
But worst of all she thought she could see herself at his side. He made her want to let go of her own fears and take down the sturdy walls that surrounded her heart because she knew he was just as scared as she.
And although she had tried to deny it every chance she got she could see herself being happy.
Caspian had looked at her with devotion, admiration, respect and trust from the moment they met and she knew that no one in this world would ever look at her like that again. In Narnia she was admired respected….and as she thought of what her future with the King might have been she could also see a time in the future where she would have been deeply loved.
DAMN BRAVERY! She shouted in her head. She had just bravely walked away from a man who made her feel more alive and beautiful with a simple gaze than she had ever felt before in the entirety of her life.
The train jolted as it came to their stop rocking a tear from Susan's eyelid that she hadn't known was building.
Susan lifted her head to follow her siblings off the train but in all other ways she was desperately lost. She felt hollow….as if the girl in the red blazer was some figment of her imagination.
As she walked through the busy train station catching the attention of no one she knew that it was much worse than that. The girl in the red blazer…this Susan Pevensie….was nothing but a ghost….A ghost of the woman she was and a mere whisper of the life she might have had.
Edmund stopped and opened another pocket of his bag. With a large smile and triumphant motion he brought the aforementioned missing torch out from hiding…showing his siblings that he hadn't left it behind after all.
The tears running across her cheeks betrayed Susan's otherwise emotionless face while the woman inside her wept for all the things SHE had left behind.
So….I know this is a sort of out there beginning but I love writing things where we try and really understand the characters so there will be more of that and less action than in some of the other fics out there. I also won't pursue this unless there are actually people interested in reading more. I have a few ideas and this is definitely a susan/Caspian fic so they will be in the same world at the same time in this story. Please read and review. I take a lot from them…no flames please.