A/N: My obsession with words is shining through. This entire fic was brought about due to a single word. Exsanguination just sounds so pretty, even though it's rather macabre.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. I do, however, own the words "omphaloskepsis," "quincunx," "boustrophedon," and "haecceity" and I receive payment every time one of these words is used. I've made about five cents.

Light was ecstatic. After weeks of painstaking patience and indefatigable endurance, Light had discovered L's real name. He had just one problem, though: he couldn't decide how L should die. Ryuk had suggested he make it a heart attack and get it over with. However, that was the root of Light's problem. He didn't want to get it over with. He didn't want L to die in a measly forty seconds. After all, that hardly gave L enough time to realize that Light had won and would become god. Of course, if L's death was as drawn out as that, he would have time to reveal Light's identity as Kira.

Light sighed and ran his hand through his perfect hair while contemplating his conundrum. First: he had to find a mode of death that would give L ample time to wallow in his inevitable misery from losing to Light. Second: he had to find a way to make L unable to communicate with the task force at his time of death. Well, the second was easily solved. Light merely had to write that L died in a remote alley absent of all other life. Simple enough. Now, how was L to die?

Light thought pensively about his predicament. Then he got an idea. An awful idea. Kira got a wonderful, awful idea. Quickly, Light opened the Death Note to a blank page and brandished his pen like a weapon. The pen scratched across the page as L's imminent death was written in Light's neat handwriting.

Light wrote:

L Lawliet. Exsanguinates in an alley devoid of human life at 23:04.

Light leaned back in his chair and patiently waited for L's death.

The next day was a very good day for Light. His father had anxiously told his son that L was "missing," and no one suspected Light in the slightest.

It was around 10:00 PM, and Light was on his way home from a café. He had silently celebrated his victory by indulging in a latte, purposefully waiting to head home until it was far after the time Misa had said she would be visiting. Light smirked, still elated over his victory, while hoping that his obliviously unwanted girlfriend would have left his house by that time.

His elation was so overpowering that the normally overly paranoid boy didn't hear the footsteps until someone from behind had grabbed him by the throat. Light gasped and clawed at the hand, but his attacker was too strong. With inhuman force, Light was lifted off his feet and subsequently thrown to the ground. His back skidded against the concrete of the sidewalk, ripping his expensive shirt and skinning his back. Light tentatively looked to his attacker while attempting to hide his grimaces of pain.

Light gasped audibly. Before him stood L in all of his awkward glory. This is impossible! Light thought. I wrote his name in the Death Note! He should be dead!

Light's breath caught in his throat as L approached him. The supposedly dead man smiled, revealing two impossibly sharp canines.

Oh shit was Light's only thought before the vampire pounced.

A/N: There was a bit of an allusion to How the Grinch Stole Christmas in here. I'm not quite sure why, it just happened.