Kanda would never admit it, but he didn't mind partnering up with Lavi and Allen for missions.
Except for the times when he did.
Like right now.
"—so hot." Lavi approved. If Allen's face got any redder, Kanda would begin suspecting chronic heart failure. Allen stuttered.
"Seriously? You think so too?" He looked about as eager as a puppy begging for its treat. Kanda attempted to strangle himself in his pillow.
"Oh, hell yeah. Have you seen her legs? Dude." Lavi whistled appreciatively. Kanda gritted his teeth, aura of death fully loaded and ready to spread.
"And she's um, really, really nice," Allen gushed exuberantly, "And—and—"
"She's older, and she's hot," Lavi agreed sagely, "Allen m'boy, there may be some hope for you yet. I was a little worried when you started growing your hair out but—"
"Kanda's hair is long!" Allen defended hotly. Kanda could imagine their actions—Allen swatting away Lavi's tugging hands, still blushing, no doubt, and—
"Yes, well," Lavi coughed pointedly. Kanda twitched.
"Anyway," either Allen had sense the danger, or he just wanted to return to the subject at hand, "How good of a shot do you recon I have with her?"
Kanda snapped upright, was only slightly deterred by his sleeping bag's insistence he reacquaint himself with the ground, and snarled, "Would you two shut up about Lenalee, already?"
It was very quiet for a moment. Allen was staring at Kanda with huge, horrified eyes, while Lavi seemed to be looking increasingly jubilant.
"K-Kanda." Allen squeaked, "Didn't know you were still up—"
"We weren't talking about Lenalee," Lavi interrupted him with a leer, "We were talking about Miranda."
Allen shrieked in horror, attacked Lavi with his pillow, "Don't tell him you—!" he stopped very suddenly, apparently coming to the same conclusion as Lavi.
Kanda had already retreated into his sleeping bag with all the dignity he possessed. When Lavi got his shit-eating grin on, it was time to retreat in a neat and orderly fashion.
"You thought we were talking about Lenalee." Lavi pointed out ecstatically. Kanda gritted his teeth.
"Oh, I don't know," Allen mused loudly while Lavi cackled, "You sounded a little…possessive, Kanda."
Kanda mentally incinerated the entire tent and its inhabitants. If it killed these two, he was fully willing to go up in flames.