I don't own Ouran High School Host Club
Not Hitachiincest. Brotherly love only. Implied HikaruxHaruhi. Mostly Hikaru's POV but switches to Kaoru's.
'Hikaru, you pushed me off the bed again…'
'Sorry' Hikaru mumbled cracking his eyes open, his vision hazy and instantly flooded with the morning light.
He shifted a bit, pulling the blankets closer around him and burying his head deeper into the pillow, cursing the sudden brightness.
He knew there were a pair of eyes, his other pair of eyes staring murderously into the back of his head. Hikaru always knew Kaoru hated it when he pushed him off the bed. He tried this once to willingly ignore his twins silent beckoning, focusing instead on the only other face that could inhabit his mind.
His head burst with the memory of her smile, and suddenly for the first time in ages he felt light-headed and dizzy, and a strange, disturbing feeling that occupied his stomach.
Kaoru sighed, 'You're thinking about her, aren't you?'
Hikaru didn't move. He wanted to hold on to her smile longer, to the beautiful image of her that had formed in front of his eyes. Haruhi hardly ever smiled; maybe it was because she was so different that she saved her smile for those rare moments that deserved it, not like the thousand other girls whom merely smiled to get attention, a fake smile that fooled the world.
Haruhi's smile was always a genuine smile, a smile the displayed her true and sincere happiness.
Kaoru was poking him now, jabbing his finger into Hikaru's side. What had gotten into him? Surely he wasn't sick or anything, he had just been playing a trick on the lord yesterday…
Hikaru let out a small groan. It was just like Kaoru to interrupt the only alone time he'd ever get away from his twin. Where it was just 'Hikaru' and everyone else, not 'Hikaru and Kaoru' and everyone else. Not that he minded or anything, Kaoru was his brother, and he was Kaoru's.
-And together they were the Hitachiin twins.
Inseparable, Indistinguishable, Intolerable
Two that were together as one.
Yet sometimes Hikaru wished that they could also be two different people apart.
They had both wished this, to be told apart, yet to not be told apart, to be seen as two separate entities, yet wanting to stay as a whole. The game had always been 'Guess which one is Hikaru?' to everyone on the outside, yet to them, it had always been 'What is it we really want?'
Do we want to be told apart?
Do we want to stay in our world, together?
They were always contradicting themselves, so they chose the latter.
That is until Haruhi came along.
'Yeah Kaoru?' Hikaru replied looking up to stare at his brother. He was well aware that Kaoru had begun to worry about him; he could hear the ever-so faint strain in his voice.
They were never meant to last without each other for long.
'Hikaru, are you okay?'
'Yeah… I'm fine'
'You don't sound alright… are you in love?'
Hikaru's head shot up at this, he stared at his brother, their gazes staring intently into each other's symmetrical –like eyes. He refused to believe what his brother was saying, Hikaru was not in love the only person he could ever love would be Kaoru and Kaoru only. Yet there was something in Kaoru's eyes that depicted the seriousness of his question.
At times like these, Hikaru hated how his twin could see through him.
'Don't be silly Kaoru; you know that I'll always love you and you only.' Hikaru replied with a shrug, laying his head back down and staring out the window. It would be wrong for him to say he was in love, because he wasn't.
There was just no way that anyone could make it fully inside the gate.
Sure Haruhi had broken the lock, but that in itself was just the outside of the twin's barrier.
'Hikaru…' Kaoru sighed, turning his head towards him and laying his forehead on his.
Hikaru looked perplexed, what on earth was Kaoru doing? Their forbidden 'brotherly love' acts were saved for the Host club only. Hikaru was about to pull away but something pleading in Kaoru's eyes stopped him.
Kaoru had never looked at him that way before.
-And Hikaru was a master at Kaoru's emotions.
'Hikaru… I love you', Kaoru spoke, his voice soft and barely audible.
Hikaru was about to reply but Kaoru continued, his eyes closing and his voice floating into somewhere dream-like, it seems that Kaoru has taken himself to another place. Another place that wasn't 'Hikaru and Kaoru's world'
'Remember what I've told you before Hikaru, feelings for each other won't be known until you voice them…' Kaoru paused, a light smile gracing his lips, his eyes still shut.
'I know you just as well as I know myself, you've been restless these past few days…'
Hikaru inhaled sharply, so Kaoru has known…
He was afraid of what Kaoru was going to say next. Never in his life had he been unable to predict what his twin was thinking and suddenly, for the first time in ages, Hikaru felt scared.
'Hikaru, I've taken the subtle hints you've given me, whether you wanted to give them to me or not, and I know you're in love.'
Hikaru noticed something wet drop on his cheeks. He looked up and realized that Kaoru was crying, his eyes were still shut yet there was still that smile on his lips.
How could someone smile and cry at the same time?
Hikaru didn't understand.
Kaoru finally opened his eyes; he looked at Hikaru with the strangest expression on his face like there was something painful yet liberating about this moment that they were sharing.
'Go after her Hikaru… It's time we broke down that gate completely'
Hikaru stared at his brother in shock. He had been entirely oblivious to his own feelings that Kaoru had picked up on them instead. He struggled for words, taken aback by this sudden act. He had hurt his only brother; he had made him cry…
So why wasn't he feeling guilty?
Why, instead, was he feeling relieved?
Kaoru removed himself from Hikaru's forehead and began to dry his eyes, the place where Kaoru had left felt all too cold. This was what it was like to lose his other half, the warmth gone and replaced instead with the bitter feeling of loneliness.
Hikaru didn't want this. He wanted his brother back.
He wanted it to be 'Hikaru and Kaoru's' world again.
Kaoru seemed to see the panic in his eyes and smiled reassuringly at him, 'Hikaru, I'm not going anywhere, I'll still be here, I'll still be your twin but it just won't be 'Hikaru and Kaoru' anymore'
'W-What will it be?' Hikaru asked quietly, afraid of the answer.
Kaoru hugged his brother, the tears flowing freely, cascading down his face like a waterfall that had been held back too long. Hikaru patted his back, slightly alarmed that Kaoru was crying so much.
'I'm happy for you, Hika-chan. Now all you need to do is make yourself happy' Kaoru whispered.
Hikaru's eyes widened, his brother was right. The only way that they were able to move on would be to stand up and take a step forward.
As two different people,
'Kaoru, you're such a baby' Hikaru replied ruffling his hair. Kaoru only laughed in return. His brother had finally opened up to his true feelings, and Kaoru was glad that he was going to be happy.
Kaoru had once been scared of being left behind. Of Hikaru moving on without him, their carriage splitting into two with Kaoru on one half and Hikaru and the rest of the world on another. He had thought he would be left completely alone, and he had become selfish.
He had noticed though…
He noticed how his brother seemed to be holding back for him. How he seemed to be holding on to the carriage for the both of them.
Kaoru couldn't bear it, the guilt he felt for keeping his brother like this. He was beginning to think that he was the one that forced his emotions on others, not the other way around. It seemed to him that he was always the older one, the more rational one, when in fact it had been the opposite all along. It hurt him so much, but it was for the best. He had his brother to think of before himself.
If you love someone you'll let them go, right?
'It's 'because you're my big brother'
That's exactly what Kaoru intended to do.