Kung Fu Action Theater

Disclaimer: I do not own Devil May Cry, Dante, or Lady. They belong to Capcom. I do not make any money off of these fan fictions. They are just for fun.

Author's Notes: Taking place about a month after ''For Want of a Beer'', it's more adventures into the odd, yet both sweet and naughty relationship of Dante and Lady. I'm not going to further cheapen myself, however, and even try to pretend there's a plot to this one. ;)

This fiction is rated M for a bit of violence, language, and more graphic Dante/Lady smut. Do not read if you are offended by such. Once again, you have been warned! Yes, again little is left to the imagination and it's about on the level of Beer when it comes to the randy nastiness. Dante is still a dirty, dirty devil man, and Lady is starting to learn a little bit more, herself...


Chapter 1-Deal with the devil, and this is what you get

Oh, he is so going to get it. Somehow.

Lady was sitting on the couch at Devil May Cry, which was essentially her new home. She was sorta starting at the TV in a half-assed manner; she didn't really care too much what was on. Next to her, on the couch, was a snoring Dante, wearing only his trousers and his boots. He had decided to take a nap after stuffing his face with an extra-large cheese and sausage pizza and an entire six-pack. He wasn't drunk; he was simply sleepy. As always. The man seemed to have only a few modes-fighting, sleeping, eating, and naturally, horny. He had managed to once again go through all four today. They had a small job right before he ate; and in the morning, he had gotten the horny part out of his system. Not that Lady minded, though she still was sometimes loathe to admit it.

Lady had her hands full for the past month or so. She had finally given in to her desires and let him show her a few...things. Ever since that night, they had grown even closer. Oh, Dante was still Dante-he still rarely cleaned the place, was crude as ever in both language and action, and still liked to tear demons limb from limb more than anyone. But they were closer, indeed. They slept in the same room almost all the time now, Lady insisting on getting a new bed if she was to sleep there. Dante's old bed had consisted of two very worn mattresses with things on them she didn't want to know about, a thin blanket, and a ragged sheet. While Dante didn't care about having an actual bed-''They squeak too much!'' he had exclaimed-he grudgingly agreed to get two new, fresh king-sized mattresses and new sheets and a blanket for them. Naturally, he didn't waste any time throwing Lady to them and 'christening' them. But at least she savored that little victory about getting him to change something.

She didn't know what she could even call their relationship. He wasn't a boyfriend in a traditional sense...but he had no interest in other women, nor she in other men. They didn't go out often on dates-a bar once in awhile. They did take jobs together, though-he seemed to have more fun there than at dinner. But she knew she did love Dante...and she knew that he loved her, too. She could see it in his eyes and feel it the way he touched her; though they never had said it to each other. They were strange like that. It was more or less the belief of actions speaking louder than words. She knew the devil-man would do anything for her, and she for him.

But in these past couple of weeks, Dante had become...well, to put it bluntly, hornier than a stallion in a roomful of mares in heat.

Lady was a tough one who could always put up with Dante's advances. Lately, though, he had been tiring her out quite efficiently. Not that she minded; she recovered well, and he ended up sleeping a bit more, too. What bothered her was the fact that he managed to turn her to complete putty and made her feel...unable to sort of ''win''.

It's not a competition, though. I'm not sure what it is. Win might have been the wrong word...but all Lady wanted to do was to have the last laugh, so to speak. No matter what, though, Dante managed to rule out time and time again. She didn't know how. He didn't try to humiliate her, or harm her-there was nothing malicious at all about this little...contest, but Lady just wanted to get him once...and get him good, to show him that he was not the one always in charge. Oh, Dante would get her anything she wanted. If she wanted something from the store, he would gladly run to get it. Wanted some beer? He never made her pay if she didn't want to. Truth be told, she enjoyed the treatment. She was no princess to be sure, but Dante never treated her like one. She was his equal, as far as he was concerned. They were partners, friends, and now kind of lovers.

What Lady wanted was to...surprise him somehow. To show she could turn him to a piece of loudly moaning putty like he did to her. Oh, he was loud, alright; whenever she pleased him, or they were together, he was perfectly vocal. But it was always followed with him managing to turn her into water, and ending up as the dominant one all of the time. She got a few hits in, so to speak...but could never take home the match. He was utterly untamed, and even Lady had to admit-the best lover she had ever been with. She hadn't been with many, she had a few dates and the like in the past, but Dante's style was not of this world, to put it one way.

Lady was quite satisfied, though, that he had admitted to her being the best lover that he had ever been with, as well. She could tell he told the truth. One of the things Dante was not good at was lying. She did enjoy pleasing him, the feel of his fingers in her hair and on her body, and listening to his small moans that escaped his lips when she was working some of her own magic on him.

But oh, she wanted some friendly, loving 'revenge' on him. This week were the three straws that broke the proverbial camel's back when it came to him showing off his ''superiority.''

The first came after they had been on one of their rare dates. They had went to dinner-it wasn't fancy at all, as that wasn't their type, but it was an enjoyable time and Dante didn't even try to feel her up under the table. Too much, anyway. They had gone for a few drinks afterward, celebrating a rather successful job they had the night before. Again, he was fairly well behaved...for Dante, anyway. This translated to 'not trying to go down on her under the table.' Lady thought something might have been wrong. Of course, she mentally cursed herself for not realizing it was the simple calm before the storm.

They had been walking home through a park that was still in nice repair; when they had gotten to the sliding board, he had suddenly pushed her down on it.

''What the hell are you doing?'' she had demanded.

''Hmm...it's such a nice night out, babe. Not too cold yet...it's a little chilly, but I think I can keep you warm.''

''W...what?! Dante, this is a children's playground! They play on this thing!''

''Well, we're big kids, so can we.'' He began to nibble up her leg.

She had tried-oh, she had tried to not give into her devil's advances...but with his arms holding her, his lips touching her, and his breath on her she turned to putty once again. She cursed herself, while at the same time she mentally adored him for not giving a shit. He proceeded to take her, more than once, on the slide that night. She had been so worn out he had to help her home like she had drank too many at the bar. Dante himself was nice and relaxed afterward, and had to wait a few moments until starting home, at least. There wasn't anyone else out to see her like that, but she still cursed herself for not being able to resist. That indeed was the first straw.

But it was so hard to resist! Dante wasn't like the other few men she had dated, or even met. He loved to please her, in every way he could. Sure, they had some quickies...but with Dante, it wasn't a session unless she was screaming for him more than once in a night. He had an inhuman endurance-while Lady was no slouch herself, her humanity caused her to simply tire out before him. Dante was happy doing anything to her; she could tell he just loved to be with her, to be one with her. Oh, she loved it too, she had to admit. He could be just as happy with his head between her legs, bringing her to bliss, as he could be being fully inside of her. It didn't matter to him, as long as she was screaming his name. He tended to go rather heavy on the foreplay, much more than most men; again, not that Lady minded in the least. To be perfectly honest-and saying it as he would, a bit crude-she thought her silver-haired devil gave the best head she had ever felt in her life, and the fact he enjoyed doing it just made it better. There were times where he was happy just going to town down there for awhile, until she would shudder against him in pleasure, and he didn't even want to do anything else, except lay there next to her and stroke her hair after.

However, this ended up leading to 'Straw number 2 and 3', as she liked to call it in her head.

She looked over at him again, snoring happily on the couch, a smile on his face. She wondered what he was dreaming. One hand was over his muscled stomach, the other on the back of the couch. One leg hung off the couch onto the floor. She had to smile a bit before she started to conspire her little bit of 'fun', once again.


The last two incidents happened just a couple of days past. They were on a job, and a well-populated one, and they were blasting or hammering demons left and right. Lady's dual guns fired as fast as they could, putting holes in the demons, blowing off heads and limbs; sometimes she would switch to her Kalina Ann to take out a large group in an explosion of fire and demon parts. Dante stood at her back, firing Ebony and Ivory with blazing speed into them; he put them away after awhile to leap into the fray with his sword.

He's going to end up hugging me after this, with all of his mess, I just know it, she remembered thinking.

Dante sliced them to pieces with little effort, with a look on his face of excitement. In between his lightning-fast sword strokes, he would sometimes lash out with a hand to tear off a limb, or a kick to smash in the side of a head. Lady continued blasting away, until the crowd had dispersed into one last demon. Dante was nowhere to be seen.

Finally, I get the last one! She had thought.

Just as she got ready to squeeze the trigger, the demon's head exploded in a rain of bone, blood, and brain, and Dante was standing on the remains. It turned out he had been perched on the ledge of a building to get some that had went up higher, and had crashed down on it with a vicious flying kick. He grinned and slung his drenched sword over his shoulder.

''You bastard! That one was mine!''

''Well, babe, judging by the fact I'm standing on it's bloody corpse, it wasn't. Might have to be a little faster on the draw, there.''

''Uuurrgh!!'' She held her gun by the barrel and smacked him with the handle right in the forehead. He barely winced, even though a small trickle of blood ran down.

''Heeey! Jeeze, babe! Getting' rough again, are we?''

Lady snorted, scowling.

''Awww...come on. Don't be mad.'' He had walked forward, and wrapped his arms around her.

Yep, I was right.

''Gah! You're smelly, again! Didn't you take a shower today? And you stink of the grave!''

''Well, I'll be clean soon enough. Just trying to comfort you, since you know, you're all pissed at me.''

''Oh...damn...you.'' She fell into his embrace, sweat, blood, viscera, and all.

''That's better, Lady. Come on, you gunned down tons of 'em today. You made any other human look like a god damned chump. Look at the way the rest of 'em ran like little pussies, and a lot of 'em were supposed big, strong men.''

''I guess you're right.'' I still owe you for this, though, you bastard, she had thought to herself, as she wiped some of the blood from his face with her fingers.

His forehead had healed already. Lady's strikes didn't bother him in the least, and she knew she could basically unload on the lunk and not hurt him. She hadn't even hit him that hard. She looked up and half-smiled, still trying to look pissed but not succeeding. She wasn't even that pissed, when it came down to it. It wasn't that he killed the demon-if anything, he always impressed her with the amount of sheer punishment he could dish out-it was the fact he always got the last one.

''Back to the place?''

''God, yes. And get a shower.''


Lady heard Dante stir on the couch next to her, turning onto his stomach, his arm now hanging off the couch, as well. He was still smiling a bit. She reached out and rubbed at his leg through his leather trousers, and he stirred a bit more, but didn't wake up. The smile got bigger.

Maybe I don't want to know what he's dreaming.

She began to think about the final straw that he managed to pull off.

After he had gotten out of the shower, the two were laying on his bed; she was cleaning one of her guns, him reading some sort of magazine. When she was finished, he had looked over to her, and smiled his...special smile.

Which meant that Lady was in for it.

''You aren't tired yet?!'' she had asked.

''Babe, how long have we known each other?''

Right. I figured I'd at least try.

Needless to say, the two of them had started getting into it once again. Lady had no reservations about this; she did enjoy about every second with him, after all. But as he was kissing his way down her stomach after awhile-they were both extraordinarily hot at this point-he smiled rather evilly.

''I'm going to show you a few new tricks tonight, babe.''

''W...wha?'' She was a little bit brainless at this point.

As usual he had crawled between her legs, his tongue going to work with demonic hunger, licking, thrusting, and circling around her wetness, his breathing heavy with arousal as he began to suck at her, to better taste her. As always, when she stole a look at him, he looked totally happy to be there, his eyes closed, his hair somewhat in his face. But this time, it was somehow...different. She didn't know what he was doing, or what he had done, but by the end of it-and she didn't even know how long he had been there-her thighs, his mouth, chin, neck, one of his hands and the bed were so soaked that she could have thought something had been spilled there, despite the fact he drank her in. Lady could barely even think, let alone act. The orgasms-and there had been several-that had overtaken her were something that were not...usual. Her mind was just as much putty as her body; she had vaguely recalled being devoured in a way that she never had been.

''What...did...you...do?'' she managed to squeak out, hoarsely. Her voice was almost completely gone.

He knelt there, smiling, licking his lips off before he began to do the same with her thighs. ''Just a few tricks I hadn't shown you yet, love. I never thought I'd hear you squeal like that.''

She managed to regain a bit of composure. ''Squeal? I don't squeal!''

''You sure did this time, Lady.''

''Urgh!'' But the feeling in her body was so amazingly pleasurable that she didn't have any room to argue.

You win again, devil.


That had indeed been the third, and final, one.

As Dante slept, she walked over to the table, and noticed the newspaper there. She decided to flip through it as he slept.

When she got to the movie page, she suddenly got a huge smile on her face. She saw four words:

''Kung Fu Action Theater.''

She knew how much Dante loved his cheesy old kung fu flicks. He might be happy to take her on a date to go check this little special engagement out.

She knew exactly what she was going to do, now.

''Babe? You look happy.''

She turned to see Dante on the couch, still on his stomach, rubbing his eyes. He rested his chin on the arm of the couch and smiled.

''Oh, I am, Dante. I am.'' She walked over to brush back some of his silky hair as he maneuvered his head to kiss her hand.