TITLE What I Want
FANDOM Buffy The Vampire Slayer
PAIRING Ganya Spuffy… Big bit o' Spuffy in this one.
CHAP 5 (of 6?) Moving On
PLOT AU timeline, Tara's around, Dawn is 17, Anya and Xander are together but not engaged, Spike and Buffy are 'foolin' around' but it's still a secret – and Buffy is still torn about how she feels for Spike. Oh and yes… yes, Giles and Anya SHOULD be together! Welcome to my taste of ganya, with a sprinkle of spuffy spice.
AN So, my contribution to the summer of giles 2010 is a few icons and the continuation of my summer of giles 2008 fic "what I want"... I willlll finish it prior to the end of this summer!
After considering all of my options (of which there weren't many) I moved in to the Summers' home.
I chose the Summers' home because:
1) it was cheap.
2) Buffy wanted someone around to 'watch over' Dawn (who was a week away from being 18 and reallllly didn't think she needed to be watched over).
3) it was cheap.
4) I didn't really want to be alone.
5) it was cheap.
The move had been... painless.
And honestly, it was the painlessness that made me saddest of all.
All of the time, all of the emotions, all of the energy we... I... put into our relationship and in one day, we could part ways – end it all - and it didn't hurt.
And I thought it should hurt. I mean, you have a relationship and it ends... it should hurt. Right?
But it didn't. Basically, all I felt was kind of empty, and... well... empty.
But by this point, I was use to feeling empty. For the past few months my emotions had oscillated between scared, desperate, and empty.
So no big change. I was still scared to be on my own.
And I was still empty.
"Thank you for spending your money in our store. Please come back and do it again." I offered the thank you halfheartedly as our last shoppers of the evening left the store. I locked the door behind them and took a look around the shop looking for the best place to start cleaning up.
"Yes, yes, I agree, but..." Giles came up from the storage room, a phone attached to his ear. "Yes, but... there must be another...," his glasses were already off, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "Yes, yes... I do understand." He sees me standing by the door, shoots me a smile and slips his glasses back on. "Well yes Raph, as I said, I do agree, but until I hear from the lead Decipher, I will not be forwarding the information."
I hear the voice of the person on the other end of the line get louder.
Giles glances at me before looking down at the phone and biting out. "I'm sorry Raph, my decision is made. Until it's been verified by the Leads, I will not share the information. Good night." He clicked off the phone and took a deep breath.
I bluntly ask, "What information won't you share?"
Giles chuckled lightly, "As I said, I'm not sharing the information... not even with you."
I let the possible meanings of 'not even with you' wash over me. And for once I was silent.
"Need some help putting the shop back into order?" He changes the topic and I close mouthedly respond with a nod of my head.
We move about in the store like two pieces of a machine. Tucking in a chair here. Adjusting a table there. Shelving a book or two. Two pieces of machinery spinning closer and closer to one another until...
"So, how are you?"
"Me?" I ask the question and then have to physically stop myself from thwacking my head with my hand. Of course he was referring to me. I'm the only person in the shop besides him.
He grins a genuine, full-fledged, Giles grin. "Yes, you." He's moved to the cashier counter and is leaning against it.
"I'm good. Fine. I wish we'd made more money today, but other than that, I'm.. good."
He studies me for a second then turns to the counter, straightening a stack of brochures. "And you're comfortable with your decision? You're not regretting... anything...? the...? you and Xander? The separation..."
It was my turn to straighten out the stacks of papers in front of me; only, there weren't any stacks near me. I was standing in the middle of the room, in front of nothing, my hands fluttering uselessly. This was the first time Giles had mentioned the break up in front of me; and I found that the question, from him, made my stomach flutter.
I looked him in the eye. "I'm okay. Some days are better than others. I miss the sex. What there was of it."
I watched a flush spread over Giles' face and realized I'd said something 'unexpected' again. It must have been the sex thing. Humans were so touchy about that topic. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It makes you uncomfortable."
"No! No. I mean, well, yes..., perhaps I wasn't quite expecting you to mention your... your... sex life, but we're both adults. Ahem. And we can discuss anything you wish to."
Wondering, vaguely, what he might be getting himself into, Giles responded, "Yes, of course." He straightened his glasses.
No one wanted to talk to me. Not now. Not ever really. Xander had stopped being fascinated by my words long ago. And Dawn and Buffy, well, they didn't seem to know exactly how to handle me; pat me on the back for being in the midst of a break up? Or condemn me for dumping their friend? In either case, they seem to have mutually decided to avoid the topic of Xander and me all together.
But Giles wanted to talk to me.
Or at least he was willing to talk to me.
He pulled his glasses off. He had to. She was glowing. Not in a demonic way, but in a perfectly human, beautiful young 'happy' woman way. She was glowing so much that she made his eyes hurt.
His eyes and his heart.
"Would you like to go to dinner with me Rupert?" The words, like most of my words, were out of my mouth before I knew it. So with only a half a second's hesitation, I plundered forth. "It would be my treat. And... I would like to talk... to someone... if you wouldn't mind?"
Dinner? With Anya? "I would be delighted to have dinner with you, but of course, you won't pay for me." He put his glasses back on and glanced at his watch. "Would now be too early? There's that new little bistro on Elwood...?" He looked back up at her and she was beaming at him again. Brighter than before. And he had done that. He had made her smile and beam. He echoed her smile.
"Now would be perfect, Rupert."
We set about collecting my purse, locking the safe and the doors, and headed out into the night.
"She's honestly not here?"
"I stopped lying about things like two years ago Xander," Dawn held the door open and let him enter the house. "She went to work at around 10, and I haven't seen her since."
Xander headed into the living room, slumping against the couch, a dejected look on his face. "I wish she'd talk to me."
"So we can stop with the breakingupedness!"
Dawn perched on the edge of the coffee table. "Xander. I don't think Anya is going to change her mind."
"She'll change her mind."
"Dawnie you're too young to understand this stuff, but trust me -"
"Alexander Harris! I will be 18 years old in less than five days. I've been dealing with demons and vampires and icky stuff for nearly as long as you have. I'm tired of people telling me what I'm too young to understand. I understand a lot! A LOT!" By the time she finished with her little diatribe, she was leaning forward into Xander's space and he was leaning backwards, his shoulders pressed against the couch. "Got it?"
Xander gulped, "Got it."
Dawn tinged pink and sat back suddenly regretting her outburst. "Ice cream."
"All break ups require an ice cream session." She hopped up from the table. "Or so I've observed. Let's go to Alman's Ice Cream Parlor and you can buy yourself a scoop, and buy me two scoops."
Taking the hand she held out to him, Xander got off of the couch. "Why do you get two scoops?"
"I have a birthday coming up. The extra scoop can be part of your gift to me."
"If I buy you three scoops can that be your whole gift?"
Dawn looked over her shoulder at him as she pulled the front door closed. "For my eighteenth? Not a chance." She walked past him, down the front steps, her wealth of brown hair moving and shining in the setting sunlight. "If you need any gift ideas, however, feel free to ask me, I'm sure I can give you one or two."