Bill let out another series of sobs into his brother's corpse. He was shaking and trembling. After a while, he passed out on Tom's body. It was finally all over. Tom was really gone. His world had come crashing down and his heart had been ripped out of his chest.
After that fateful night, things for Bill began to drag on, but managed to speed up at the same time. Bill had been taken in by the police for questioning about Tom and Bushido's murders. At first, they believed that Bill killed both Tom and Bushido, but Bill finally convinced them that he only killed Bushido and that it was completely in self defense.
A few days later was Tom's funeral. Bill agreed to go with Georg and Gustav but he refused to go anywhere near the casket that held his lifeless brother. He also refused to even look at the wooden box. It's not like he could look anyway because his vision was completely blurred from the fountains of tears that were his eyes.
Tom's death had been broadcaster over every channel in every country that knew about Tokio Hotel. Massive amounts of streets had to be blocked as the hearse drove Tom to what would be his final resting place. Fan girls lined every open street in hopes of catching a glimpse of the procession. Their make-up was running down their faces from their many tears and cries.
It was never publicized exactly how Tom or Bushido died but there were a massive amount of rumors circulating and most of them labeled Bill as a murderous monster. Bill didn't care, though. He couldn't feel anything but heartbreak, sadness, and anger.
Bill caught a glimpse of some fan girls dodging security and running to the cemetery gates. He exited the car and made his way to where everyone else was gathered. Seeing them all brought rage upon his tortured soul.
He knew that they didn't even know Tom. They didn't know every fact about him like Bill did. None of them knew what it felt like to be wrapped up in his arms. None of them knew how painful and rough, yet gentle and tender he could be. None of them knew just exactly how sweet his lips tasted night after night. Most girls only got a sample of that for one night, but that was before Tom and Bill's relationship had blossomed. After that, they belonged to each other and each other only. None of them knew what it was like to have Tom love them back, to be his soul mate, to be protected and cared for by him, to wake up to him by their side every morning, to cry on his shoulder, to watch the life drain from his body, to hear his last words, his last breath, to watch him die. None of them knew.
As Tom's casket was lowered into the ground, Bill closed his eyes tightly and lost himself in a peaceful memory in which Tom and Bill were both sixteen. They were inside the hotel room that they were sharing together while on tour. It was the memory of something that changed their lives forever.
Bill was lying on his bed next to Tom. Tom was sitting up and staring off into nothingness. Bill noticed at first that he had started to act weird and within a matter of weeks, he was completely emotionless.
"Hey, Tom?" Bill questioned, looking up to his brother.
Tom simply stared off into the distance, apparently not hearing Bill.
"Tom." Bill growled in a firm voice, reaching an arm out and shoving his twin.
"What?" Echoed Tom's emotionless voice.
"How come you never look at me anymore?" He asked as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. "How come you never hug me? How come, when I'm sick and have the chills, you never hold me close so I can warm up? How come, that whenever I touch you," Bill reached an arm out to rest on Tom's shoulder, causing him to jump and push Bill's hand off of him, "you flinch away?" He whispered.
Bill's eyes began to fill with tears. He pulled his legs up to his chest as the tears fell from his mesmerizing eyes. He had no idea, what he did wrong and it was eating him up inside.
"Tomi…How come you hate me?" He cried out.
Just hearing that Bill thought Tom hated him broke Tom's heart. He looked at Bill directly for the first time in months. Tom slowly wrapped his arms around his younger brother and pulled Bill into his side.
"I don't hate you, Bill… I could never hate you…" He whispered; his voice overflowing with sad emotion.
"What did I do wrong?" Bill whimpered as he buried his face in Tom's chest and wrapped his arms around his older brother.
"It's not you, Billy… It's something I did wrong… Something that would make you hate me forever…" He sighed as he pulled his little brother into his lap and rocked him gently side to side.
"What is it? Did you get someone pregnant?" Bill asked, pulling away to look his brother in the eye. "What did you do, Tom? Tell me…" He frowned when Tom shook his head.
Tom took a deep, shaky breath and looked deeply into Bill's eyes. Bill waiting expectantly, still in Tom's lap.
"I fell in love with you…" Tom whispered almost inaudibly.
"What?" Bill blinked, not being able to hear him.
"I fucking fell in love with you, alright?! I'm a sick fuck okay?! I'm a-"He yelled.
He was cut off when Bill's lips pressed into his own roughly. Tom had been waiting a long time for this to happen and when it did, he forced his tongue into Bill's mouth, feeding on his brother's small moans of encouragement. Bill ran his tongue along his older brother's, laying down on his bed, pulling Tom on top of him.
As they continued to kiss, Tom's hands made their way up and down Bill's sides. Bill moaned slightly louder into Tom's mouth, making Tom shiver in excitement. Bill reached his arms up and rested them on Tom's lower back. He massaged Tom's back firmly, earning himself a moan from Tom.
Tom finally pulled away to catch his breath, panting heavily. He rested his hand on Bill's check and stared down into the identical pair of eyes. He placed one soft kiss on his brother's lips before pulling back once more.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked in a soft whisper as he leaned his forehead into his twin's.
"I love you, Tom. I always have… I just didn't want to ruin us…"
"You're so stupid. I could never refuse to love you back, Bill. You're my world…"
It was the night that Bill would always remember. It was the first time that he "gave himself" to anyone. It was perfect… Tom was perfect. The morning after, Tom made Bill breakfast in bed and after he ate, Tom crawled into bed with Bill and just held him in his arms. But that was all gone now and it always would be.
A week after Tom's funeral, Bill was sitting in his room, staring off into nothing. In one hand, he held a picture of Tom and in the other, his phone. He put the phone to his ear after dialing the number.
"Hello? I need to make an appointment to get a tattoo done…"
--Three months later--
Bill looked down at his own hands. The hands of a murderer. The hands that once held his twin…his lover. Taking a glance at the new tattoo on his right arm, tears spilled out of his chocolate eyes. It was the tattoo that held the face of his Tom. This new tattoo was opposite from the tattoo that held the year that he and the most important person in the world to him entered the world together. His right arm held a forever inked portrait of his older brother, staring back at him with the sparkle in his eyes that he once saw every day…before it was ripped away from him in the matter of a few minutes.
Bill knew that he couldn't swim. That was the whole reason he was out there. He had taken his last trip ever to the Maldives, where the sandy beaches held lost memories of less complicated times shared between the two twins. The clear water that was once a paradise now signaled the end of an era.
Bill gasped at the beauty of the clear water bordered by sand. The massive size of the ocean was breathtaking. He just stood there for a while, taking in the sight before his eyes, Tom by his side.
"Look at how beautiful it is, Tom…" He marveled.
"Sorry…What was that?" Tom asked, giving Bill his full attention.
"Look at how beautiful it is…"
"Look at how beautiful you are? Too late, I already have." Tom grinned.
He had rented a rowboat from a shop along the beach and took it out into the ocean, rowing until his arms gave out. Even if he wanted to, he would never be able to go back. He was too far out and all that he saw was the endlessness of the ocean. The emptiness of it all accompanied his insides perfectly.
Wiping his eyes, Bill sniffed. He looked down once more to his right arm.
"Forgive me, Tomi. This is all my fault. In the end, I couldn't protect you." He apologized to the face on his arm with forceful determination in his voice. Bill lifted his arm to his lips and kissed the portrait that endlessly smiled back at him, a few more tears escaping his eyes.
Bill looked up to the endless sky and smiled even though he was crying. He knew Tom was up there watching him. He also knew that Tom would never forgive him for what he was about to do next, but he knew that it had to be done. In the end, Bill really couldn't live a hollow shell of a life without Tom there. It was impossible for Bill to exist alone. They were always Tom and Bill or Bill and Tom. It was never just Tom or just Bill. He was determined to keep it that way and join Tom once more.
"…And one day, the sea will guide you back to me…Remember, to me you'll be forever sacred…" Bill sang to himself in a hauntingly sad tone.
Before Bill had gone, he left voice messages to his friends and family, leaving rushed apologies. Now it was time. Letting out a shaky sigh, Bill stood up in his boat and looked down at the endless water below him, wondering how long it would take him to hit the bottom.
"Are you ready, Tomi?" He asked the memory etched in his skin. "One…two…three!"
And upon saying "three," Bill jumped into the ice cold water, letting it surround his body. He gasped at the contact and immediately started struggling. He thrashed his arms and legs wildly, struggling to keep his head above the water. Bill knew it was going to happen but it was his body's natural instinct to fight as long as it could. When his body tired, he began to sink.
Bill's head went under the water but he kept his eyes open, fighting for the last thread of light to shine through the water. As the water filled his lungs, he took one last look at his former lover and brother on his arm. He smiled softly and kept his eyes locked on his arm. As he sunk faster and farther, everything went black and soon, it was all over.
The last thing that Bill saw was Tom, just as he had always wished.