netgirly2k wrote this amazing story called "And You've Got Their Shoes", which is about Donna and the Doctor getting into trouble with a body-swapping machine, and I just couldn't help but doing it with the Doctor and Rose.
9th Doctor and Rose.
Disclaimer: All proper nouns are © BBC ™
Rose wanted to get up, really, she did. But to tell the truth, she was sort of… afraid. If she saw him, she knew she'd have trouble looking the Doctor in the eye. She didn't even know if he wore anything to bed. She was trying to focus on something other than that. Anything other than that. Of course, when he came storming into his room, she'd had trouble containing her laughter anyways.
She'd never known it was possible to stand like that. She didn't want to laugh, really. But then he crossed her arms. It was a classic "Doctor" move, something that was familiar to him, but now he had breasts. Her breasts. And she could almost see the penny drop when he realized that he was touching her breasts.
Wow, though, could she blush. It was funny, this 'being in each other's bodies' thing. It was much more effective than a mirror. It was kind of like watching yourself on the telly. It's you, obviously. You see yourself in the mirror every morning. But still, it just doesn't seem like you. In this case, it wasn't really her at all.
And the Doctor looked more and more uncomfortable by the moment.
"If you're done laughing…"
This, of course, made her laugh harder. It was essentially the Doctor, but it was her voice she heard reprimanding her. By this time, she had been laughing for too long, and his hearts were pounding furiously.
Oh, wow. So that is what having two hearts felt like. It was like some strange dance beat you'd find in a rave/disco, one that nobody could possibly dance to, but instead they just jumped around.
"This isn't funny, Rose!"
She grinned, not quite getting used to the feel of his teeth and his tongue.
"It is from where I'm standing."
Oh good lord, he sounded so…
"I sound gay! You sound gay! Oh, this is fantastic."
She'd almost gotten that the way he usually said it, which had a way of making people grin at his antics. However, the Doctor wasn't smiling. He was glaring. And he was being very careful to not cross her arms again.
"You're in my body, and all you have to say is that I sound gay?"
"The two-heart thing kind of threw me off, at first."
He gave her an incredulous look.
"That's the first thing you noticed was different?"
"No, new teeth. It was weird."
He rolled her eyes, and she realized that she looked just like her mum when he did that. Must remember to never do that again.
"The whole "I'm a nineteen year old female human trapped in a 900 year old male alien's body" thing didn't hit you until the teeth?"
She knew what he was going for, of course she did. And she sure as hell wasn't going to be the first one to admit that she'd gotten a lay of the land, so to speak.
"Teeth are important."
He shook her head at her.
"You're awfully confident, standing there in my knickers."
She was so mean. She'd tricked him. Mention knickers around a man, whether he's an alien or not, and he's going to look down. And he didn't disappoint.
Oi, there went that blush again.
"So, Doctor, how are we gonna get out of this mess? I mean, after you go get dressed, obviously."
He smirked at her, which was just plain creepy, with her mouth. She looked practically sinister. Must remember that look for intimidation.
"Oh, I don't know. I'm kind of getting used to this body."
"Oi! You'd better not be getting too used to it."
"Of course not!"
The Doctor was sort of adorable when he was embarrassed, but Rose found that she much preferred him in his own body. She looked downright silly.
"Any idea what went wrong?"
"It had to be that body-swapping machine."
"I'm telling you, Duct tape is evil."
"There wasn't just Duct tape under there, there were paper clips and chewing gum. Search me how those Osmosians got a hold of chewing gum in the first place. Humans haven't reached this far yet."
"Are you saying that chewing gum is an alien thing, too?"
"I suppose so. Huh, the things you learn."
Rose nodded. And then winced.
"I just learned that you apparently have to use the loo right after waking up."
The Doctor looked down at her, frowning.
"How do you know that?"
Rose rolled her eyes at him.
"I'm getting the call of nature right now, and it's not all that great of a feeling."
The Doctor looked farther down, realization dawning, before he stammered.
"Oh, uh. Well then. I guess you'd better…"
He gestured towards the restroom that connected to his bedroom.
"I guess I had, yeah."
The Doctor continued to stand there. Rose raised her eyebrows at him.
"A little privacy?"
The Doctor looked confused.
"But it's my body."
"And, I already know what it looks like."
"And in a few minutes, I'm gonna know what it looks like. You wanna be in the room when that conversation comes up?"
His eyes widened.
"Right. I'm going to go… get dressed, I suppose. Yeah."
He shuffled out of the room awkwardly, only stopping once when Rose called out to him.
"Find a good bra. My back'll be killing me if you don't."
When he looked back at her, she had gotten up, the sheet still attached firmly to his body. She really wasn't sure what that whole peeing standing up thing was about, but it would be… interesting. She pictured the Doctor staring at the toilet in her body, wondering how he was supposed to use it, and she laughed.
For years, you'd hear women bitch about how they wished that men could understand what it was like being a woman. Now, she actually had that chance.
She walked into the bathroom, and her eyes widened. His bathroom was so much bigger than hers. Didn't that just figure? A man who rarely changed his jumper and had less than a half-inch of hair had one of those decadent Grecian baths.
Spotting the toilet, she cringed. She wasn't an idiot. She obviously knew what using it involved, but the idea of the actual mechanics sent a rush of heat to her face, and strangely enough, her ears. Maybe if she stood very close and turned her head, she wouldn't have to touch it or look at it. Cleaning up the mess she made would be preferable to actually getting "hands on".
She was contemplating exactly how to maneuver herself when a cry came from down the hall. It took every effort to not turn away in the middle of taking care of her business, because he sounded so frightened. She couldn't imagine what sort of trouble he had found in the last minute.
She jiggled herself around just a bit and hastily wrapped the bedding around herself again. While running down the corridor, she wondered at the length of his legs. No wonder he could cover so much more ground than her when they were fleeing the scene.
She ran into her room. The bathroom door was closed, so she pounded it with her hand.
The silence stretched out for several long moments before a timid whisper reached her ears.
"I'm bleeding, Rose."
Peace, Love, and Reviews! (Especially that last one!)