Disclaimer – I don't own them, I just love them
"Hush my love; I'm not going to hurt you. I love you too much to do that," Shawn Spencer spoke with feeling. "I don't ever want to loose you. I feel so lucky you came into my life! I barely existed before I found you, now I feel more alive and whole. We've had our obstacles to get past but it was worth it, to be where we are now!"
Carlton Lassiter stared at Shawn Spencer, who was currently standing in the middle of his kitchen talking to himself. Carlton shook his head and approached Shawn.
"Shawn, what the hell are you talking to?"
"Hmm… Oh! Hey, Lassie!"
Even after dating Shawn for three months he couldn't lose that stupid nickname.
"What the hell are you doing?" Carlton asked.
"OH!" Shawn turned to face Carlton. "I'm just making sure that the pineapple knows that I'm going to be gentle when cutting it up!"
And sure enough, Shawn was holding a pineapple and… Petting it?
"Why… Are you petting the pineapple?" It was a stupid question but this was a really stupid situation and Carlton couldn't do anything to stop himself from asking the question.
"Duh, to make the pineapple comfortable! An uncomfortable pineapple makes the pineapple taste funny. But a comfortable pineapple is just heavenly!!" Shawn said with a look on his face that clearly meant that he thought Carlton was dumb for asking and that everyone on the planet was already privy to this knowledge of pineapple dissection.
Carlton just sighed. "Of course. That makes perfect sense, Shawn."
After three months of dating Shawn Spencer, Carlton Lassiter was still not used to Shawn's sick obsession with pineapples and he doubted he'd ever be. But, all in all, that's what makes dating Shawn so interesting, the random and bizarre occurrences that no one could ever prepare themselves for.
Like at this very moment with Shawn cooing to a pineapple in the middle of Carlton's kitchen.