Jump by blackdragonflower

Summary: I don't ever want to lose him. He's my life, even though I've never spoken those words aloud. And here we are standing so close. One more step and we could both topple over the edge. And I may never see him again. The pavement stained with blood and a shattered young man. All I can do is pray he'll forgive me; pray he'll open his eyes so I can tell him I need him. MattxMello

Characters belong to Death Note by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. Don't Jump belongs to Tokio Hotel

Requested by: Arina Kusajishi.

Warning: Suicide and characters may be a little OOC

A/N: Mello's POV

:

This is a nightmare... Don't you dare Matt! Please don't take another step... please. "Mail!" My companion who I've come to love and cherish doesn't turn to face me. I can't imagine what's running through his mind. It frightens me, and I've never been scared like I am right now. If Matt dies, what's my purpose for continuing on? Sure, there's the Kira case but without Matt here to cheer me up, to obnoxiously play videogames, to be Matt, life would be unbearable. I wouldn't achieve anything and I know it. I snarl at the thought. I've become dependent on Matt he's my morphine. The wind is chilling, nipping at my stomach and bare arms. I call to him again praying he'll answer me as I rush towards him faster and faster. It's like running in deep sand, like I'm not getting anywhere and I've been running in the same spot. "MAIL!"

The city lights are bright and glitter familiar, warm. I don't understand Mail... why? Tears run down his pale face and I want to kill him, kill him and love him. His once bright emerald eyes have dulled to near nothingness. His goggles hang limply around his neck. It's like the whole world is laughing at my efforts to stop him.

On top of the roof
The air is so cold and so calm
I say your name in silence
You don't wanna hear it right now
The eyes of the city
Are counting the tears falling down
Each one a promise
Of everything you never found

His feet are halfway off the edge. Then he turns and gives me a smile. 'Don't jump Mail. Please don't jump.' I pray my mind ready to implode. His lips are stretched into a lost twisted grin that makes my stomach clench. He mouths, "I love you Mihael" and takes a step backwards, off the edge. Before I know it I hear the scream leave my throat. Time slows and I watch him fall my heart in my mouth, choking me. "MATT!" and only because he may never be able to listen to me again I scream after, "I LOVE YOU! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!" He hits the pavement with a crunch. I shiver my body trembling. Please say he's not dead yet please... We have so many memories together... Don't let go Matt. Hang on I'm coming for you. Someone screams. I remember the sound because it was high pitched and would normally annoy the hell out of me. Lucky for the screamer this wasn't a usual day... but not so lucky for me, or my lover bleeding on the pavement.

When the ambulance came I hardly registered the blaring sirens, just him and how his blood soaked my pants and the flesh of my hands. It was so red, bright and dark, viscous and made me want to vomit. This was the first time I'd ever wanted to vomit from seeing blood. Worried and a little angry with Matt I rode in the back of the ambulance mumbling prayers the whole way... Maybe it would have been better had I held his hand and lied saying I wasn't mad at him. Maybe it would have been better to say how much I would have missed him had he died, how lonely I'd be because I'd never love another like him. Confessions like that are not my style though, despite that every word would be the truth. I wonder, what pushed him over the edge? Was life just too much a stress for him, did I do something? It may be something I never know.

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump

When the doctors left I instantly wove my fingers through his. I kiss his neck, cheek, and forehead softly as silent reminders when I try I can be gentle and not so rough. I wonder if he took the plunge because of me. Lately all I've done around him is yell and rant about how bad my day was. Was his life so bad underneath that smile he always showed or that cute look of indifference as he played his videogames? I'd denied him attention and love for probably about a month, off running about and at night just collapsing in exhaustion. Yet, he was always there for me no matter what happened or how bad I'd thought my life had gotten. His gentle sweet words and touch often lulled my restless body into the swift stream of sleep. He held my hand through the toughest times. I bite my lip in fear. He can't die; I won't let him die.

The heart monitor beats steadily, annoying, frustrating, but it's better this way then one long tone that would haunt me the rest of my life. Some IVs are stick in Matt's hand and elbow. I glance outside the window and see the snow drifting down at its own leisurely pace. Sometimes I wish I was like the snow, just float where the wind takes you, but I'm not so there is no point on lingering on the thought long. I hear a groan of pain and my attention turns back to the man in the hospital bed. His eyelids open slowly and the look his face gets on it is a look of pure disbelief. He can't believe he's still alive; he looks disappointed. His emerald eyes lock on me sad, and shocked. It seems he prepares for an onslaught of yelling and screaming. I cluck my tongue like a mother scolding her baby, her dear only child. "Mattie..." With my free hand I gently rub his cheek trying to make my tone not so commanding, though it's hard. "I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you... Please just tell me and don't jump..." His eyes watered, it must have been the 'please' that especially caught his attention. I, Mihael Keehl never said please. It just didn't happen. I never had the time to say it.

You open your eyes
But you can't remember what for
The snow falls quietly
You just can't feel it no more
Somewhere out there
You lost yourself in your pain
You dream of the end
To start all over again

His tears spill over his cheeks and I wipe them away. "Now... don't cry Mattie..." He squeezes my hand as tight as he can his shoulders trembling with unseen sobs. He extends his arms in a gesture for a hug. Unable to deny him this simple wish I close my arms around him and cradle him carefully to my chest. I bury my face into his messy red hair and let out a sigh. My heart ached quietly when he began crying. His emotion spilled like water kept behind a dam. How long had he been holding in these tears? Once his crying begins to stop I barely hear him sniffle out,

"I'm sorry Mel-Mel."

"Don't go apologizing. I don't want to hear it. Understand?"

He nodded and his arms slid from around my waist. I lowered him back on the bed and helped him get comfortable. "Mells?"

"Yeah Matt?"

"Why are you here? What about the Kira case?" He questions in a weak voice, afraid of the answer.

I reply with a slight growl, "You scared the hell out of me Mail... You made me feel like a woman..." With that the gamer chuckled a small smile appearing on his mouth for a few seconds before it disappeared again.

"And the Kira case?"

"I had more important matters to attend to." Upon hearing those words Matt's gorgeous eyes widened. His grip on my hand became very strong. Weakly he reached up and touched my cheek. He used this hold to draw me in close and before he kissed me he whispered,

"I'm really sorry Mihael... Thank you... Thanks for... holding my hand..." His kiss was sweet and it felt sinful to accept it with him in his condition. His tongue prodded at the entrance of my mouth, pawing like the stray dog in need of a home. I opened up and let him come inside inviting him warmly. It was nice. I never noticed how much I missed his warm touch, inviting, comforting. Not only was I missing out on that, in my month of keeping shall I say "clean" of Matt I had missed out on his clever wit and snappy comebacks. But most of all I realize, I missed his love. Now that I've almost lost him I realize his love was in everything he did. Every smile, laugh, pout, joke, was all a manifestation of his enduring love. And in return I'd given him next to nothing. I feel so ashamed... So I threw all my attention into this kiss, all the affection I could muster without injuring him. I want his forgiveness, I crave it, just like I crave him. He is my heroin, my nicotine and I'm addicted so dangerously to him whether he realizes this or not.

As we kiss all I can think of is how I'll strive to do better. I'll bring down Kira not only for L, but I'll succeed as an apology to Matt. And for Christ's sake I'll give him more attention and care. Matt is essential to my existence.

I don't know how long
I can hold you so strong
I don't know how long

Just take my hand
Give it a chance
Don't jump

It's been a week now since Matt's been able to return home. I watch him constantly afraid he'll try his "stunt" again. I'm working at home right now getting information from Hal, which is taken directly from Near. My leather covered fingers fly over the keys of my laptop searching through tons of information. My adorable redhead is crashed on the sofa his attention glued to the television screen. I pause a moment just watching him. He's been pretty stable since he got home from what I see. I remember the day in the hospital, right before he fell asleep he muttered, "I heard you yell for me... I love you too Mihael. It made me regret stepping off the edge."

When I really concentrate on Matt though I have to admit, he's looking, bored. Setting the laptop on the table I join him on the couch and let my head drop onto his shoulder. He tenses slightly. He was so focused on his game he hadn't noticed my movements till I was touching him. Matt gives me a smile, childish and silly. If he ever wanted to try jumping again I would gladly take his place. I would gladly.

"Are you falling asleep Mells?"

"I've had a long day... I can fall asleep if I want to."

"That so? Hm, sounds like somebody needs a nap, grouchy..." He teased with a cheerful chuckle.

I lift my head from his shoulder and growl. "Why don't you just shut up and kiss me then twit."

"Mm..." Matt smiles wider and puts the controller down so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "Sounds like a very hot situation... Trouble is... should I go in unarmed...?"

"Idiot... you're never unarmed." I smirk and capture his lips in mine hot and powerful. His replying movements are excited and passionate. I think he just found an outlet to rid himself of his boredom...

I yelp when his teeth nip a bit roughly at my neck. I hiss and tackle him. I pin him to the couch, straddling his waist his hands trapped in mine. He laughs as if I just tickled him. His laughter is so catching and soon I find myself laughing with him. Who knows what we're laughing at, but it doesn't matter. My little puppy, my angel is here with me, very much alive. I will never let him jump again.

I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true
Don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you
Don't jump
Don't let memories go
Of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please don't jump
Don't jump
And if all that can't hold you back
I'll jump for you

Mail Jeevas, I promise that I will be a better person to you, for you. And Mihael Keehl always keeps his promises.

:;:

Here we are Arina Kusajishi, the MattxMello songfic you requested! I especially hope you liked it (since it was for you).

It's my pleasure to give Ghostly-Heaven credit for the nickname Mel-Mel that I am borrowing from her. And just cuz, Don't Jump belongs to the group Tokio Hotel. I haven't heard the song so I feel I was maybe writing a little blindly with this one, but all in all I'm happy with it. I removed some of the lyrics because I didn't feel I could use them properly with the story. Heh, I think it's kinda funny, I was listening to a song from the FMA soundtrack while writing the last bit of this. So, I hope everyone enjoyed this angsty MattxMello fic and apologize if Mello was out of character. (He always worries me... You'd think his personality would be easy to keep in character right?) Thanks for reading! Critique is always appreciated!

... Cookie?

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