A/N: So, my friends and I thought it would be hilarious for Emmett to encounter a newborn vampire that just happened to be changed when it was still a baby. It would be super scary! And yet highly entertaining!
Disclaimer: I do not own Stephenie Meyer or her fantastic characters.
Emmett vs. the Baby Newborn Vampire
It had been a long time since all of us had gone hunting together. Not to mention going hunting someplace other than Forks. It was usually 'cause Eddie could hardly stay away from Bella for more than a few hours. That was fine with me. She was perfect for him. But we needed "family time". So here we were, hunting in the Alaskan wilderness with the Denali Coven.
I had wandered off on my own. I smelled a grizzly close by and I was up for a fight. Rosalie liked to joke that I had kept my "manly instincts" as a vampire. And well, I couldn't argue with that.
I laughed quietly to myself. That was new for me. I was always loud. But lucky for me, I wasn't too loud. I would never have heard the nearby rustling sound in the bushes.
I was curious so I went to see for myself what it was. I looked over the bush and was caught off guard. I felt a goofy smile spread over my face but it was just so cute!
A baby! I'd never seen a baby vampire before but I knew it was possible. Even with its stunning features it still had some of the pudgy cuteness of a human baby.
I scooped it up and attempted some "baby talk".
"He-woo wittle baby. He-woo!" I cooed. I silently thanked God that I was alone. No one would ever let me live this down.
The baby looked up at me angrily. I noticed its eyes were blood red. And it bit down on my finger hard. I yelped as its venom stung my finger. "Damn baby! What the hell?"
It landed on the ground with a loud thud, making a dent in the dirt. It looked up at me ferociously and snarled. My eyes got wide. I thought they were going to pop out of my head. It was a newborn! And an angry one at that.
It shot up at me like a cat and landed on my chest, knocking me backwards. I was having a hard time getting up. Its little knees pinned me down as it grabbed my ears, flipping my head from side to side. It didn't look cute now, growling at me like a cougar.
I had my dignity and possibly my life a stake so I decided to fight back. Bad idea.
My huge hand wrapped around the baby's whole body and I tried to toss it across the woods. Its tiny little fists punched me recklessly in the face and I dropped it.
"Dammit!" I cried out. I was pretty sure my nose was broken. Before I could react, the baby grabbed my ankles and knocked me down, slamming me into a tree. I felt the tree snap in half underneath me as the baby grabbed my legs and tried to fold them towards my face.
"AH! Sweet Jesus!" If I could cry, I might have been right now. I was not flexible and a man's legs were not meant to move that way. I smacked the baby about 5 feet away and started running.
But I heard a sound behind me and I was curious so I looked back. Curiosity was a bad quality of mine. The baby was crawling after me at 30 miles an hour! Frickin' crawling!
I started screaming uncontrollably, running as fast as I could. I still heard the baby coming after me. How embarrassing would it be to get killed by a baby vampire? Really.
I dashed into the clearing where the others were. "Guys! Help me!" I dove behind a big rock, trying to hide from the demon baby.
I thought about the crazy situation I was in. Was I seriously hiding from a baby? I wasn't known as a bear for nothing! I gritted my teeth and prepared for battle.
I growled like the bear I was and jumped over the rock and saw the baby waiting for me. As I prepared to attack I was knocked down again.
A female vampire had pinned me down. She growled at me and then slapped me in the face. "Shit! Why does that keep happening?"
"Don't you ever touch my child again!" the female screeched. "Yes ma'am!" I said giving a cowardly salute. She scooped up the baby vampire and ran off.
I looked around and saw my family and the Denali Coven staring at me. And then they all burst out laughing. Jasper and Edward were rolling on the ground and if I didn't know better they would have probably been peeing their pants.
"What?" I whined. "It was newborn!" The laughing got louder. Even Carlisle and Esme were laughing.
"Rosie? Some help here?"
"Oh, Emmie." She sighed. "Only you could get in trouble with a newborn baby vampire." She laughed again and reached to help me up.
"You know…none of us are ever going to let you live this down." Rosalie said still laughing.
"Ya." I sighed heavily. "I know."