okay- guys and erm...guy-ettes I know I got like a million other fics to finish, lol- I know and I will lol x

but this idea sorta just sprang up and I had a little cry to this song- if you can have a listen while you read- might just make sense

Anyway this is a song fic, also one-shot to Aleksander Denstad with: the other side. also fits to switchfoot- the blues

Okay hope you enjoy, and any feedback welcome- just know i'm a british lass with an addiction to coffee who stays up all night reading and writing...lol, so if theres parts horribly wrong or out of character, seems 'off' its probably because I am...hehe

Title: The other side, dedicated to Skag trendy- because my dear you wrote such an awesome waterlogged Sam for me!!

Summary: Song fic- Of all the times Sam's needed Dean and all the times Dean has to be...gone? Limp Sam and worried, angst stricken, slightly drunk Dean. vision Sammy too, dedicated to Skag trendy

warning: contains my imagination, yes thats a warning...and violence, language.

Spoilers: contains, or may contain slight reference to the finale or other parts that may be happening in season 4.

one more thing: I don't know what i'm doing...so yeah if thats not a bright red kickin-in-ya-teeth sign that the author's an idiot, I don't know what is...

enjoy...lol x

Look at my eyes, you were the first to see me cry.

Look at my hands, you know that I used to lift them high.

Look at my feet, be the first to see me fall, the first to see me fall.

Look at my knees, as I get down on the floor.

Look at me bleed, now that my dignity is gone.

Look at my back, you are the first to see me fall, the first to see me fall.

Do you realy look behind the lines? Do you want to see me, be me, and find the man behind the lies?

Do you really want to look inside, do you want to know what's on the other side

. Hold my hand, you are the first to see me broke.

Hear my breath, feels like I'm about to choke.

Feel my fear, be the first to see me fall, the first to see me fall.

Do you realy look behind the lines? Do you want to see me, be me, and find the man behind the lies?

Do you really want to look inside, do you want to know what's on the other side.

I've been running for a place to hide, I've been feeding on too much pride.

Now I'm stuck here, on the other side.

I'm still running from a lost illusion, I've been jumping to the wrong conclusion.

I've been running from myself.

Do you want to see me, be me and find the man behind the lies.

Do you realy look behind the lines? Do you want to see me, be me and find the man behind the lies?

Do you really want to look inside, do you want to know what's on the other side.

Do you want to know whats on the other side.

Aleksander Denstad with : the other side

Dean had gone.

Simple as, he wasn't there anymore, not in the motel room, not at the stupid dodgy bar, not at Bobby's.

He'd gone. Left. Ditched- no...not ditched, gone for a long drive right?...a coffee in the next town, right?

No Sam, he's gone.

It was harsh to actually face the facts, Dean had just got up and...left??

It wasn't from an argument, it wasn't after a bad hunt, he'd just got off their dingy motel beds and...left...

But Deam wouldn't leave...he couldn't, Sam was not going to believe it, but he'd seen it...actually saw Dean leave, not saying a word and the muscle engine start up and skid off to god know's where a minute later.

So he had left?...Dean right?

Yes.

Sam sighed, he was worried. Okay, more than worried.

Fucking paranormally obsessed with his only and last remaining bloodline was more of a closer angle.

Or as Sam liked to put it. "For god's sake Dean you stupid idiotic bastard, why'd you have to leave...?"

Resting his head in his hands, Sam breathed in deeply, he was worrying, he knew overly worrying and just causing more carnage but how could he not? He and Dean had faced their father's spirit, he's lost Jess, faced their mom all over again, faced and gone up against yellow-eye's not to mention Dean had watched him die...and then a deal was made for Dean's soul of all things. Dean had even got to witness what a real home and a real family was like, then even that was crushed and taken away from him when the Djinn was killed.

Life wasn't fair.

Their life was a fucking misery factory. Period.

Sam reached for his phone, again and dialed Dean, again. All he got was voicemail...a-fucking-gain.

--

Truth was Dean was actually, well had just made it to the only towns bar, a ramshackle joint at the edge of town in nowheres-berg and between oh-I-don't-know-where-ville in the state over.

There wasn't a hunt, none in the whole freaking area but Dean couldn't be pissed to care, he'd felt so sheltered in that room, with Sam...with Sammy, he would've broke down, this last year was taking a toll no other year could, not even the rest of his life could.

He strolled up the bar, a tall well built middle aged guy Dean would've called 'Snarky' filled the required shot glass, and left the bottle.

"Jack..." Dean mumbled and relished at the way the fiery liquid settled down his throat.

Dean was halfway down the bottle when he felt his phone in his pocket, vibrate again and he sighed.

He couldn't speak to Sam right now, he felt so alone and after the damn Crocotta calling and faking to be his dad, his own god damned father.

How could Dean believe it?..some supernatural thing could be his father?

Dean swallowed another few mouthfuls, swishing it around in his mouth and tasting the burn and sting on his cut lip, from...he couldn't remember when.

The phone went off again and he hastilly pulled it out and saw the number of messages.

"Surely there not all from Sammy?" he mumbled to himself, half drounding in the whiskey's strength.

There were 15 messages and he skipped through a few, just asking 'where he was?' and 'please call me' mostly from Sam.

The last few though, from Bobby. Dean's eye's drunkenly lit up in the feeling of maybe a new hunt, something to kill and hopefully fill some of himself up, he'd not felt this empty since his father had died and there was a hole just a dark abyss willing to consume him and he couldnt let that happen this time, Sam needed him because soon...there'd be none of him left for Sam to need...

And that opened a new gaping hole, fresh and raw and...in his chest?

Changing the downward spiral of emotions, Dean checked the messages, voicemails, three from Bobby and a few more from Sam.

Dean instantly went to Bobby's, if Sam was worried and left a message...his soft and hurting voice, calling out to him, Dean would just go over the edge.

To his suprise Bobby's worried voice came through, the engine in the background.

"Dean, answer yer' dang phone boy, Jesus calling you is like tryinn' to find a virgin at a sex camp, god damn boy...you know Sam's been tryin' to get a hold of you for hours, I lost contact with him 'bout an hour ago...somethings wrong Dean, he's not picking up and he know's if i'm ringin' its 'bout you and he would NOT just not answer...dammit, call me when you get this..."

Dean trued to ignore the painful thud-thud his heart jumped when worry lines his stomach.

He nervously listened to the next message from Bobby.

"Dean, wherever you are, call Sam or get back to him...i'm too far away, i'm on my way but i'll not make it in time- something feels bad Dean..you know Sam. he wouldn't just switch off...get to him...hurry boy"

Bobby's voice was strained on the last part, as though his own surragote fathering worry was over-riding everything else he felt.

Dean didn't need to listen to the last message from Bobby, he jumped off the stool, threw some bill's on the bar and high tailed it outta that bar faster then a nun skippin' church.

As soon as Dean sat in the familiar leather he called Sam's cell, hoping for any last amount of hope he'd answer.

I guess he'd fucked a bit too much with fate and lady luck too, had anyone besides him noticed they were all women too...even mother nature...now God had some competition.

"Sammy...Sam for fuck's sake pick up your god damned phone and tell me your okay..." Dean's eye's burned with unshed tears, he'd lost too much, he could not bear to lose Sam again.

He wouldn't.

--

Sam flipped the phone on his bed, no...Dean's bed.

Everything came back to Dean.

The doors were evn the same as Dean's eyes if they were a shade brighter.

Sam was really starting to hate this motel, everything was green, except for the chairs, a lovely Dean's jacket shade of worn brown.

Oh, great...

"Dean...please come back..." Sam whispered, hands clasped in his head, he'd already cried tonight. Dean's deal getting so close...too close for him to still not have any answers.

He was beginning to think he shouldnt cry after a long day of driving with Dean because of the building headache.

Thats when the blinding obvious pain registered and he realized it wasn't from the tears. It wasn't just a headache.

Sudden panic overhwhelmed him, frosting over his stomach and spreading to his heart because Dean wasn't here...and he was ALWAYS here when he had a vision...except in salvation but they had...dad.

They had dad.

Another pain spiked its way into his heart, Dean...dad, mom and Jess...

And soon it was going to be just him. Another surge of fear shredded through him when he realized he wouldn't have anyone to back him up, to stroke his hair back and whisper words of comfort to his depleting soul.

"...Dean..." It was a whisper.

A plea.

A prayer.

A life long need...he needed those emerald eye's to anchor him and keep him safe. He wanted Dean.

Sam stood, too fast and too blind from the onset of fast increasing pain. He tried to reach his phone, tried to at least maybe reach Bobby but his legs buckled and he collapsed with a grunt, eye's clamping shut to stop the fires behing his eyes, whatever he was starting to see...becasue damn the visions always burned the images to his mind...and visions?

He theought they'd gone, over and done with?

Another flare of panic breathed to life, he had the visions? he still had the demon...in him?...was he still turning evil?...he couldn't escape it, his abilities were back and at his time of need.

Fucking irony, I bet thats a man too...Mr.Irony...how about you stop fucking with the Winchesters? Mother nature wants a word...please step outside and prepare to be whooped.

Sam grasped at the carpet, Dean's necklace swinging as he knelt and that just made everything worse. He wanted Dean, part of Dean was here...yet he wouldn't be at all soon and it all be like...this.

Pain.

"AHH...ugh...De-" Sam bit back a cry as hammers began to smash at his skull, the pressure built and and built behind his eye's until he snapped them open and pressed the heal of his palm into them.

Forehead resting against the matted carpet, Sam clenched his fists in anger, in pain and in fury.

He wouldn't watch another death, another person die in front of him for some sick powers that be, some higher person placing their weight upon his shoulders, as if he and Dean didn't have enough...

"NO...AAAHHHHH..." Sam's raw voice grated words down into the carpet, his breathing wet and pained.

Tears burned on his irises as flashed images assaulted him, each bring a path of pain as it played, then re-played, slower and more intense.

Sam's gritted his teeth and breathed heavily though his nose, humming in his throat trying to at least ride the pain out.

A whimper caught in his throat and broke through bloody lips as he hiccuped a sob.

"...Dean..." He breathed, pained and slow Sam tilted his head and swung his body as he laid on the carpet, laying on his back he glanced up at the ceiling.

Breath grating on ever labouring breath Sam tried to call out but only air passed his lips, he didn't have the energy or the strength and he couldn't keep the pain at bay any longer.

"De...eeen"

Eye's at halfmast, Sam's forehead creased in dulled pain lines, his brow furrowed as he stared at the ceiling.

Jess.

Mom.

Sam clamped his eye's shut again, fists digging into the carpet and burrowing, knuckles white and cramping.

Veins stood out on Sam's neck as he tried to keep himself from screaming, jaw jumping at the excertion.

Sweat began to bead on his forehead and he felt paralysed and...frozen as the vision played out, in torturous slow motion.

Dean. Hell. A passage, a rite...some incriptions on an old box, leather cover and locked base. Dean, bleeding, crying, screaming. Demons and fire.

Everywhere, nipping and licking at his skin.

He saw himself, speaking in Latin, a thousand-centuary old manuscript in his palm... the crossroad demon paling and Dean...set free.

Sam saw...felt and read Dean's contract dissolve away in a brilliant white light.

Dean breathed in a gasp. Ruby, smiling and Sam thanking her.

Sam's eye's bagan to glaze over as the vision played out.

He never heard the motel door being kicked in, never saw or heard Dean's shouts and screams for his name, except in the vision.

Dean dropped next to him, another truck pulling in outside the motel.

Bobby.

" Sammy?...Sammy...SAM..?? oh god, Sam?...are you?...did you??...Sammy" Dean chokes, as his eye's search the ceiling, he doesn't know whats wrong but he can feel the heat and heartbeat jumping off Sam.

He hovers a hand above Sam's chest and gently feels the living warmth and pulse of his little brother.

Suddenly Sam's heartbeat speeds up and his chest heaves.

"Sam?..." Dean voice tremours with worry.

What if I didn't get to him on time?...what if...what if Sam...

"Dean, whats wrong with 'im?" Bobby's deep voice barks.

"I-I d-don't know...he won't wake up, Bobby...??" Dean's hands are against his face, one on Sam's as he panic's and breathes deeper and Bobby can see the boy's almost shedding tears because he can see them and he's never seen so broken up.

Dean yells out and his face reddons, voice shaking with tears as he leans his forehead to Sams and whispers brokenly.

"Sammy..." A sob follows and Bobby doesn't knwo how to treat this...he want to give in and join Dean, crying over Sam and that half-glazed look Sam's staring though makes his spine tingle.

Bobby touches Dean's arm and nudges him roughly.

A scared and younger tear stricen Dean looks up, so lost...so afraid he'd think it was the first time John had brought the family and those wide green expresive eyes.

His heart goes out to the kids, but Sam's alive and they just need to...wake him up.

Easier said than done, Singer.

Suddenly Sam's eyes are alight with fear and pain and darting about landing on Dean, his chest heaves with a strain and his lungs actually hurt at how fast he drinks in the air.

Sam sits up, eyes even wider and face contorted in pain. Dean grabs for him and pulls him in a tightly embraced hug.

Sam's stuffed up in comforting brown leather and cheap beer. Frowning Sam realizes its Dean, he's here and alive...and back!

"De...een?" Sam asks, voice sao fragile and tinged with pain Dean releases a few more of those mysterious tough guy tears down Sam's back and grips the back of Sam's head with an open hand pulling him closer.

"Yeah Sammy..." He sniffs. "It's okay..."

Sam feels Dean's heartbeat and his own quickens as he pushed against Dean and shoves himself more fully in his brother's arms.

Sam's hands feel for Dean's back and they cling, firm and loving as he leans into Dean's shoulder and neck, burying himself.

"Dean..." Sam mumbled, muffled by the leather jacket.

Bobby smiles, this is one-a-those moments and he sits out, smiling fondly then his heart drops as he realizes Dean not gonna' get to do that...at all anymore...at least not soon...

And ofcourse the elder Singer only bobs his cap down and wipes his face from lack of sleep, they're not tears in his age-ridden eyes at all.

No, ofcourse not, but the involantary sniff and replacement of cap, bloodshot eye's... give it away.

Damn Winchesters... Bobby sighs.

Dean breaks free and tears himself from Sam and looks over his brothers pale face, showing Sam his own teary state as waterlogged pools reflect back at him.

"Sammy..." Deans lower lip trembles and furrows his chin but he couldn't care because fuck life, Sam's ALIVE and he will live...on and on.

Sam nods and smiles, tears still straming from his eye's as he gives a low chuckle, he actually made a crying-smile look good.

Dean smiles back. "What?..."

"I know how to save you..." Sam's smile widens and the tears break free again, his own dimples lighting up his too young, too fragile face.

Bobby looks up, stunned silence follows them.

"Vision?" Bobby asks, carefully treading around them.

Sam nods and Dean smiles, sadly and relieved...he closes his eyes for a moment and relishes the feel of Sam so close, lengthens their space and moment in time against a million more.

"I'm sorry...I wasn't here..." Dean admits, feeling guilt eat awat a new part of him.

"But you will be for the future..." Sam beams. "And you better not screw up then..." he laughs, then winces and Dean squeeze's the nape of his neck.

"Then i'll not see you on the other side?" Dean cracks a ghost of a grin.

"No...'cos i'll be there with you all the way..." Sam croaks.

Bobby stares at them that night, sat up on one of the uncomfortable chairs watching their chests rise and fall in synchrony as if they knew each other even in sleep.

"Winchesters..." Bobby chuckled to himself. "Suprise me all the time..." Bobby smiled.

END!

lol- hope you enjoyed hhe if you did, could you leave a review? i'd love to know what you thought x

thanks!! lol x

oh and any errors and mistakes- due to the 16 year old author on a suagr high...and coffee

lol

thank you!