No More Cards For Emmett

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


You're probably wondering why Emmett is no longer allowed to play cards. Well I'm going to tell you the whole story, it all started one morning while I was cuddling with Edward…

"CARD TIME!!" Emmett yelled. I groaned, burying my head in Edward's shoulder.

"Why did we ever agree to play cards with him." My voice was muffled by Edward's shirt.

"I'm not sure, but we have to play now." Edward got up and led me down stairs, we walked into the kitchen to find Emmett attempting to shuffle a deck of cards. Finally he gave up and handed them to Edward who shuffled them without trouble.

The whole family groaned as Emmett dealt out the cards. The only Cullen not present was Carlisle, because he was lucky enough to have work.

"Alright! First we're going to play BS!" Emmett squealed like a little girl, the rest of us raised our eyebrows.

"Um Emmett, Edward can read minds, and Jasper can tell when you're lying, so that wouldn't work." Rosalie said then returned to filing her nails.

"Okay we're going to play Card De Emmett then!" He re dealt the cards so we each had a little pile in front of us. One card remained face up in the middle.

"Card of Emmett?" Edward raised his eyebrows, but Esme shook her head, telling him to leave Emmett be. Deciding to be a good sport Edward smiled and turned to Emmett. "So what are the rules?"

"Rule number one; I can't tell you the rules." Emmett mouthed off like a smartaholic, we all groaned. Emmett had obviously made this game up. "Alice goes first!" He declared.

"Why?" We all asked simultaneously.

"Cause she has black hair." Emmett said, meanwhile rearranging the cards in his hands.

Alice rolled her eyes and laid down a two. But before Jasper, who was sitting on her right, could do anything Emmett picked up the card and threw it at her. "Failure to say thank you come again!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. We all cringed.

Jasper laid down the four of clubs. Nothing happened. But just as Esme went to lay down her card Emmett threw Jasper's card back at him. "Failure to follow the order of the game."

It went on like this forever, we heard all types of things such as;

"Failure to remain silent!"

"Failure to say Crazy eights!"

"Failure to have blond hair!"

"Failure to say All Hail Emmett!"

"Failure to say all hail the genie!"

"Failure to say kitty kibble!"

"Failure to wear green!"

"Failure to say go to Disneyland!"

And the list goes on and on. All of us had our cards thrown back at us, in fact, I think the only person who ever really played was Emmett. We actually all knew that Emmett was basically making up the rules as he went along. And we were all sure he was going to win.

Finally, Emmett laid down his last card, and we were all sure he was going to proclaim his winning and were actually surprised at his next words. "Bella wins!" He screamed grabbing my cards out of my hands.

"What? How?" Came from almost everyone sitting at the table.

"Well if your name is Bella and it's June seventh you automatically win!" Emmett thrust his fist into the air, as the rest of us tried to discreetly get rid of the cards. "Oh no you don't!" Emmett yelled grabbing them back. "We still have to play spoons!"

Spoons? Well that shouldn't be too hard. I must have looked a little smug while thinking this because the next thing out of Emmett's mouth was directed straight at me. "We're going to play Spoons De Emmett."

Everyone at the table groaned and I assumed this was going to be similar to Cards De Emmett and I was right.

In Spoons De Emmett, there is only one spoon, and Emmett gets to hold it. Also nothing besides jacks count, and Emmett always gets to start with one jack, we all groaned as Emmett got the spoon again. After what seemed like hours of playing(it was probably only twenty minutes) Emmett declared the winner. "And Bella wins! Wow Bella you sure are good at card games."

"What? Why?" Everyone asked again.

"Sheesh, I already explained this once, how stupid are you guys?" He rolled his eyes before continuing. "If your name is Bella and it's June seventh you automatically win!"

Everyone groaned as Emmett swiped the cards and began to deal once more. "Now we're playing Speed De Emmett six way."

This game passed in the same manner. Emmett got to start with two cards and the rest of us got to start with twenty two each. (We used more than one deck) And of course, Emmett won fifty billion times, I put my cards down after we were done playing, expecting to be crowned the winner once again, but was instead surprised by what Emmett said next. "Jasper wins!"

"Huh? What?" All of our mouths dropped open in shock.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "At twelve thirty four whoever is empathetic wins!" He pointed to the clock on the seldom-used oven, sure enough, it was twelve thirty four.

"Can we please be done now Emmett?" I pleaded, I was tired of playing Emmett's version of all the card games. And I almost squealed in happiness when he put the cards in his pocket, but my joy was quickly turned to horror as I saw what was in his hands.

Uno Attack. We were all in big trouble.

Uno attack was by far the worst out of all of the games so far. Emmett made us each push the button on each of our turns. And, of course, I had to push it twenty times before my turn. Emmett enjoyed seeing me get pelted by cards and jumping five feet in the air whenever it happened.

The torture of Uno ended with Edward laying down all his cards, he raised his arms expecting to be proclaimed winner, but, this was Uno Attack De Emmett. "And Bella wins again! How do you do it Bella?"

Everyone groaned as they remembered it was once again June seventh.

"Now we have card house building contests! Everyone in pairs! Esme you get to go by yourself!" Emmett exclaimed, we all groaned and began our houses.

Emmett had permission to knock down anyone's house he wanted too, duh, it was Card Houses De Emmett. I really needed to talk Carlisle into taking away Emmett's decks of cards. When the contest ended Rosalie and Emmett had a huge house! Jasper, Alice, Esme had nothing, and Edward and I had two measly cards leaning against each other that Emmett quickly saw and blew down.

"AND I WIN!!" Emmett screamed.

"But isn't it still June Seventh?" Edward pointed out, it was only one o clock, and I should technically still be the winner.

"Why yes, it is, but the June Seventh/Bella rule doesn't apply while building card houses." Emmett replied. "Okay, last game, and the winner of the card house game doesn't participate in this game." I swear I had a psychic moment as Emmett picked up the fourteen decks of card we had been playing with. "We're playing seven hundred and twenty eight pick up! No vampire speed allowed!" Emmett then proceeded to throw all of the cards in the air, the rest of us leaning down to begin.

"Edward?" I asked while I was helping pick up the cards. Emmett was sitting on the table watching us. Yelling 'No vampire speed whenever anyone tried to cheat.'

"Yes love?" He answered, coming up next to me.

"Let's not give these cards back to Emmett." I motioned to the cards littering the floor.

"I agree." He replied, we quickly shared our revelation with the rest of the family, picked up all of the cards, and tore them into confetti. We then proceeded to make a million dollars, okay, so no we didn't but we did get Emmett grounded from cards forever.

Because, as it turns out, those fourteen decks of cards were collector's items belonging to Carlisle and worth over a million dollars…

Oh well.

AN: PLEASE REVIEW!! And tell me what you think!