A/N: Well, here we go

A/N: Well, here we go. Hold on tight, guys, and please keep your arms and legs inside the CrackMobile at all times.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Whyyyyy-"

It was unbelievable.

"yyyyyyyy-"

Unconscionable.

"yyyyyyyy-"

Downright unthinkable.

"yyyyyyyy?"

They were actually doing this.

L slammed a pair of jeans down in his suitcase and pinned his lover with a burning glare. "Quiet, Light! And wear something other than those little shorts, you will freeze."

"But I don't want to go to England!" Light whined, trying and failing to zip his suitcase up. "And the zipper won't work!"

"Nobody ever wants to go anywhere, but it happens anyway," L said. After a moment, he blinked at his own response and shook his head, continuing with his packing. He sighed when he noticed the smirk Light was sending his way.

"Heehee, that didn't make any sense, birdbrain!"

"Do not call me a birdbrain," L droned. "You are rude."

"You're rude! You're the one who won't help me with my zipper!" The brunette protested. Then, with a sudden idea, he jumped up onto his suitcase and sat on it. "Here, zip it now."

With a last look around their (not-so-modestly sized) bedroom to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything, L turned to Light and reached around to tug the zipper closed on the "Fab Fire Engine Red" designer suitcase.

"Owie!"

"Do not screech in my ear, Light!"

"You zipped my skin in it, Ryuu!" Light lifted his leg up and showed L a large bruise on the bottom of his thigh.

"That is not from the zipper, Light," L muttered, pulling Light off of the suitcase and moving in close to his ear. "It is a hickey."

"What?!" Light exclaimed. "Oh no, that's not good! That's…It's all your fault! Give me a pair of your jeans!"

L would have raised an eyebrow, if he had one. "Why does Light-kun want my jeans?"

"Because my pants are buried at the bottom of my suitcase, and I'll be damned if I'm going to dig through it because of your inability to control yourself."

"…Alright."

Going to England had not been L's idea, nor had it been Light's. After living freely together for two years, L being himself and Light being his assistant (better known as "Q"), they were world-renowned as being the detective superstars, the one who had gotten rid of Kira.

But that wasn't why they were being sent to Wammy's House in England. No, they were being forced to go there by the obviously-more-than-friends-but-trying-to-hide-it team of Watari and Roger, so L could pick out who would be his heir.

Light had vocalized his unwillingness to go, claiming that "those little bastards weren't even fit to be the heirs to a pickle farm, let alone a multinational detective agency." After receiving a very long and very thorough lecture from L about how pickle farmers actually had to do quite a bit of work, Light conceded and decided to accompany his partner to England.

But he wasn't going without a good whine first.

"Ryuu, come on, my pants are falling off, I'm tired, and my thigh hurts. Can't we wait until…some other time to do this?"

L shifted forward in the airport security line and shook his head. "No, Light-kun. This is more than necessary; I am overdue."

"Fine…Oh, isn't that the first class line?" Light pointed to a line next to them that only had one other person in it. "We should go there."

"Good thinking." They ducked under the elastic divider and went up to the security man.

"Boarding passes and I.D's," the guy grunted.

Light took everything out of his pocket and handed it to the man, who snorted.

"You guys ain't first class. Get back in the other line."

"What?" L asked, snatching the papers back and scanning them. "Coach? I don't fly coach!"

"Come on, Ryuu-" Light said quietly, grabbing their suitcases and hauling them back toward the other line. "We can just-"

"There is a mistake here, sir," L ground out. "We do not fly coach, and-"

"Buddy, look: You're in coach, first class is almost filled up for that flight, and there ain't nothin' anyone can do about it," the guard explained condescendingly. "Go back in your line."

"Okay, listen to me. The-"

As L went off at the guard, Light rolled his eyes and went back to their place in line. He was about to go back under the divider when the woman who had been behind him held her hand up.

"Oh no," she said. "You two got out of line. That means," she gestured back toward the never-ending string of people weaving through the airport, "you get in the back."

"B-But this is our spot," Light stuttered out. "We were just here."

"I don't care. Go to the back, line-cutter."

"I'm no cutter!" Light began raising his voice, and it echoed above the others' in the large domed building. "You are an inconsiderate-"

"Guard!" the lady yelled to a nearby security man. "Guard, this man is trying to cut in front of me! He's an agitator!"

Light took one look at the burly man heading toward him and paled considerably. "Um…Okay, I'll get in the back of the line. Okay," he said, picking the bags up again. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

"Get in line, punk."

"Yes, sir!"

A while later, L, after losing the argument for the fifth time, decided to quit while he still had energy and get back in line.

Wait. Where was Light?

"Light, why do you always disappear?" L whispered, nibbling on his thumb as he scanned the line. Finally, he spotted the bright red suitcase and smashed through a few rows of people to get to the younger man.

"Did you get it?" Light asked, once L stood next to him.

"No."

"Well, why didn't we get first class?"

"I don't know. Dammit, Watari!" L sighed and dug around in his pockets for a gummy bear. "Watari got us the wrong tickets, and I am low on sugar. I am not in a happy place, Light-kun."

"Hey, one more question," Light continued with a little grin. "Why did you get so weird about not flying in first class?"

"Coach is stuffy and uncomfortable."

"…You're a spoiled brat, Ryuu."

"Hmph."

They stood in comfortable silence for the next fifteen minutes, until L decided we wanted to play some checkers.

"Checkers, Light-kun. I am red, you move first."

"Fine. C3 to D4"

"C5 to D6."

"C5 to D6."

"Jump."

After seven games (four of which Light won), they made it up to the security checkpoint. L, surprisingly, got through without any issues. Light, however…

Beeep! Beeep!

"Empty out your pockets, sir."

Light sighed and dug around through the pockets of L's jeans. He nearly gagged when his hand his something sticky, and pulled out a giant, melted gob of gummy worms, decorated with Hershey kisses.

"Eew!" he squeaked. "Gross. What do you want me to do with this?" He held up the monstrosity.

"Put it in this trash bin," a security woman said, wrinkling her nose. "It was the foil from the chocolates that made the alarm go off."

"You need to clean out your pants, Ryuu!" Light hissed as he passed through the metal detector a second time, this time successfully. "I almost threw up!"

"Mm, sorry," L said through a mouthful of gumdrops. "I'll try to do that in the future."

Light ignored the spit and sprinkles that bombarded his face and grabbed his bag. "Right. Come on, let's go find out gate number."

"Mmhmm."

It turned out that their gate was very close to them, and Light let L settle down before venturing off to find some chips.

"I'll be right back , Ryuu."

"Do not get lost."

Light rolled his eyes and went trekking off, and L flipped his cell phone open to check his messages.

You have three new text messages:

1. L, when will you get here? N is bragging about being number one again!

2. L, please arrive soon. M and N are killing each other.

3. L, please do something about M; he set my blocks on fire.

"Alright." L snapped the phone shut and pulled out a chocolate bar. "Enough of that." Just when he was beginning to enjoy his candy, Light came back and shoved a chip bag in his face.

"Look! Salt and Onion!"

"I hope Light-kun also purchased gum."

Light, offended, huffed and leaned back. "Well, choco-breath isn't the most appealing thing, either," he snapped, taking a chip and eating it. "Mm, onion-y."

They sat there and ate their snacks for quite some time, both dreading the moment they'd have to get into the plane. Light looked down at a printout of the layout of the plane and located his seat. There were three main sections in the plane: Two rows of seats on one side, four rows in the middle, and two on the other side. He looked at the tickets and saw that he and L would have one stranger on either side of them.

I'm going to have to be on the lookout. If there is a nasty person, it's every man for himself. Light looked at L and smiled hugely. Ryuu can sit next to the gross person.

L grinned back. If there is anyone unpleasant on this plane, Light will sit next to him or her. He can handle it. But he may be thinking the same thing. He will want to get on first, and his seat is closer to where we will board, therefore he will get the better seat.

Light finished his chips and leaned over to give L a tiny kiss on the cheek. Ha! He knows that he is at a disadvantage, as I have the shortest walking distance to the plane. I will be ahead of him, and with his shuffling, Light held back a snort, there's no way he'll keep up with my toned legs. I've been power-walking for over a year now, every single day.

"Light-kun is very affectionate," L murmured.

There is only one way to go about this, L figured. It is risky, but it just might work…

The two kept plotting against one another until their flight was finally called for boarding. Light immediately hopped out of his seat and grabbed his bag, supposedly leaving L in the dust. That was, until L suddenly appeared beside him.

"Oh, Light-kun," L scolded. "Light-kun should not carry his heavy bag! Give it to me, I am more physically able to handle it." Without waiting for an answer, L grabbed Light's suitcase and hauled it down the hall way and up to the plane door.

"Wait, you shouldn't carry both of ours…"

"Oh, that is correct. You may carry mine." Still maintaining his pace, L let his suitcase drop and effectively ditched Light.

I am such a genius. The detective handed over his boarding pass and leisurely stowed the luggage before scoping out the seating arrangement: On one side was a normal-looking woman, and on the other was a man who looked like he was drowning in his own filth.

Not a hard decision.

L planted himself down next to the woman and she gave him a polite smile.

"Hello," she said softly. "Why would you be going to England?"

The black-haired man felt himself blush a tiny bit and he shifted around. "Oh, to see some relatives," he lied easily. "And you?"

"To see a doctor that specializes in what I need."

"Oh? What for, if I may ask?"

"I have a case of lice that hasn't gone away from over a year."

"…"

Meanwhile, Light smirked as he was led to the upstairs section of the plane and seated in a plush, leather seat.

Yes, charming the flight attendant and getting an upgrade for him and everyone in his party wasn't so hard. And what a pity his party seemed to be in such a rush to sit in coach.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Alright, phase two! Let's do this!

L: "I eat reviews for breakfast."

Light: "Please feed the panda, and leave a review."

Up next: Flying