I AM OFFICIALLY FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL!!! No more... nada... permanently. No more exams = Heaven! So that means that over the next three months or so before uni I can be relatively lazy, and update a lot more! Yayness. If I didn't have to get a job it would make things a lot quicker, but unfortunately I need some cash... oh well. Sorry you had to wait so long...but thanks so much to all the people who reviewed!! They kept me amused with how much everyone is opposed to Jacob. Well, I don't want to hold you up any longer, so I finally present to you the next chapter...
I am such an idiot.
She said thanks? Ugh. I think that was one of the worst moments of my life. She asks me to drive her home. And I still can't think of something to say to her! The silence is deafening. But I'm afraid if I reach over to the radio she'll see my arm shaking. Best to keep it steady on the steering wheel.
I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes, too afraid to turn my head completely. She was staring out the windshield unblinking. Why isn't she blinking? Blink, God damn it!
I pulled up on the verge and she swung her door open before I even stopped completely. She was trying to make a quick escape. There was no way in hell I was letting her leave without saying something. But what do I say? Please love me? Why don't you like me? For some reason I don't think either will work in my favour. So I just kissed her and she bid me goodbye with a "see you tomorrow, Edward." Well at least she's still planning on seeing me tomorrow. That's a plus.
As I drove home I couldn't help but think how badly this day has turned out. From watching her walk around the school all day in my clothes, our front seat sex on the side of the highway and then this! All because of my fucking stupidity- because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and had to talk about my feelings. I had to talk about my feelings with what must be the only girl in the world who doesn't give a shit about feelings- this is quite possibly the best relationship ever. And I may have ruined it. It's an unofficial no strings attached relationship- no emotion required.
But who wouldn't fall for that? Who hasn't fallen for that?
She was like heaven... with legs.
And for a brief couple of weeks I got into heaven. Literally.
What if I've ruined this. Why the hell did I have to tell her I loved her? It was so unnecessary. It was going fine without it.
But I suppose it's fairer to both of us to know where we both stand. I love her... and she appreciates my love? Ugh... I'm a moron.
I stalked up the staircase at home and threw myself on my bed, throwing my pillow on top of my head to block out the lights, too lazy to just turn them off. But I could smell Bella on them and kept reminding myself of her face when I told her. The shock, the disappointment...the anger. Feeling her fidget on top of me- thinking about the best way to tell me she doesn't love me. But why doesn't she? Her horrid past? Lack of trust? I'm not good enough for her?
For once, when I heard my alarm blare I got up eagerly. I'll go see Bella and try to repair the awkwardness I caused last night.
I practically ran through the house, eager to see her and nearly slipped when I crossed over the dewy grass in our front garden. I shook my head and moved a little slower. I drove to Bella's hoping to pick her up... every single car was gone. Guess she went to school early today.
I sighed and continued along to work, looking along the sidewalks to see if she had opted to walk to school this morning. It didn't look like it, she must have gone with her step sister, so I suppose our conversation would just have to wait until Biology... or after school for that matter.
I walked through the hallways in the breaks between every class, circling past her locker twice every time. She wasn't anywhere. Normally I could catch her in one of the halls. Maybe she was just going to class early today. Or avoiding me. Embarrassingly enough I even checked the janitors closet, just to make sure she wasn't waiting in there for me... she wasn't. And now I felt so unbelievably stupid. There wasn't a reason for her to be there. But it was nearly lunchtime and I was getting desperate. I didn't want it to be awkward during Biology or Phys Ed. I need to talk to her... I needed to see her.
It was a last resort, and I'm ashamed to say I did it, but I even went to her class during my free period to look through the window on the door- her seat was empty. Where the hell was she? I rang her mobile and it went straight to the answering machine. "Bella! Where are you? Listen I'm sorry about... last night but don't avoid me... I know you don't love me and that's okay, but don't make another run for it, okay? Call me back, please. I... miss you."
She didn't attend Phys Ed either. Where the hell could she be? Maybe she's sick?
I couldn't contain myself and act like nothing was bothering me anymore and ran alongside Alice as she ran around the oval doing laps. "Something the problem, big brother?"
"Yes. Actually. And I think you know exactly what it is."
She looked over at me sympathetically. "You should see how upset Rose is about it. She's spent most of the day tearing her hair out. Jasper too."
"What do you mean? Why the hell are they upset?"
She looked at me quizzically. "You're not the only one close to her, you know. They are allowed to be upset too... it is there step sister after all. They think it was really unfair too."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about telling Bella that I loved her and her avoiding me all day."
"You what???" she screeched. "Aww Eddie is in luuuurve..." I glared at her. "Hang on, what do you mean avoiding? I would hardly call it avoiding you. It's not like she had much of a choice."
"Okay, I'm lost. What are you talking about?"
She sighed in frustration, "I am talking about Bella being shipped back Phoenix against her will last night."
"What?" Phoenix? Huh?
"Charlie sent her back last night." She looked at me closely, "wasn't that what you were talking about?"
"Why? When? I was with her last night... she was here. She can't be gone."
"She left last night. Didn't say goodbye to anyone else. But I figured you knew..."
"No, I didn't. When is she coming back?"
That sympathetic look came back. "She's not coming back Edward."
I stopped running. I've fucked things up. Badly.
But surely it wasn't my fault... but she wouldn't have left unless she wanted to. She could've stayed with me. Unless it was me that encouraged her to leave. Shit. It's my fault.
I sat in my room a few hours later staring at my phone. She hadn't rung me. And she never replied to my message. Surely she would be back in Phoenix by now. So, why isn't she calling?
I blinked and when I opened my eyes back up the sun had set and darkness fell around me. I checked my phone. Nothing had changed. No missed calls, no new messages. Blank. Empty. Nothing...
"Edward?" Alice was in my doorway, for the first time unsure if she should enter. "I know that you really like her and everything, but maybe it's for the best. This way you won't get in trouble for being with her. I was really worried you'd get caught..."
I sighed. "I suppose, but quite honestly Alice... she was worth the risk."
She stood there awkwardly. Saying nothing. A new first. "Well... umm... I'm just gonna... if you need anythi-"
"Yeah, actually I do. I need you to tell me why she was sent off to Phoenix." I watched her closely as she thought.
"I only know the gist of it but basically because she wasn't following some of the rules that they decided between Charlie and her. She was meant to be good, go to school, no partying." She looked down, "but she was caught being out nearly every night." She took a deep breath and moved closer, looking into my eyes. " He thought she was taking drugs at clubs... and sleeping with strangers. He didn't want to be responsible if she wrecked her life. So he sent her back..."
"But... she hasn't been doing any of those things. She hasn't been partying or taking drugs, and she's been doing well in school."
"Edward... she's been sleeping with you since she got here. Charlie thinks it's with a bunch of randoms. She goes out every night... to see you. All he knows is that she's not at home, and she's gone all night God knows where."
"It's my fault? Oh God. It is my fault." I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. It was me.
Well, if it was me, that meant I had a chance to fix it. Maybe.
Well, I was going to try at least.
I knocked on the brass door knocker at the end of a pebble drive and after a minute or so, a wet Jacob answered the door in his towel.
"I'm back, babe." And I jumped on his waist, securing my lips to his.
We crashed against the wall opposite and I pulled myself closer to him, grinding against his hard body. His damp body was saturating my shirt, his arms frantically moving over my back in what was a mixture between surprise, disbelief and excitement.
In between rushed kisses he whispered still in disbelief, trying to work out if I was real, or just a very vivid dream. "Bella... is it... really... you?"
His hands grasped my ass, pulling me harder into him, closer, creating a rhythm between our movements and he began to move us across the room.
I kissed the hollow beneath his ear and felt him tremble, "Missed me?"
"You have no idea," he whispered darkly.
I pulled myself off of him, and pushed him away, sending him into another wall roughly, surprising him. I gently tugged on the towel, barely holding up around his waist and watched it float to the ground. I ran my hands all the way down his body, my mouth following, placing open mouthed kisses all over his chest, licking up the droplets of water still left.
His hips bucked as I got lower. He was ready for me now without any effort at all on my part.
He moaned as soon as my lips wrapped around him, his hands curling into my hair, pulling on it tightly making me moan so that he could feel the vibrations through himself. "Oh God, Bella! Fuck...God... I love you when you do this... you're a goddess..."
I love you when you do this.
I love you.
I love you.
The words spun through me, and all I could see was Edward's face last night when he told me that he loved me.
Oh shit, I've either grown a conscience... or I'm in love with Edward Cullen.
AN: Thanks for reading guys, please review and let me know what you thought! Is it an improvement on last chapter, or do you hate me even more???
In a couple of days I'm going on leavers for a week down south. For those of you who haven't heard of it (which would be most of you since there aren't a lot of Aussies that read this) it is pretty much everyone who has graduated this year goes away some place for a week with mates, no parental supervision at the beach for a week to celebrate. It's just like one huge party... with thousands of other people your age. Should be great!! So I'll be back around the 30th to update every two days or so, okay?
Thanks for all the reviews and stuff guys. Really appreciate it.
And if you like, in your review, purely for my own amusement tell me the worst message someone has left on your answering machine, or what you've said on someone else's. Only because I have had some reeeally funny ones on mine lately- so please... let the hilarity continue!