It's hard to describe the feeling of watching your best friend in the world, the one who was always there for you when you needed it, fall apart. It's almost impossible to watch. It's been such a long time since I've seen her like this, and all I want to do is help but I have no idea what I can do right now. I want to get her out of the Hyperion but I'm afraid that she'll protest, I know that all she wants to do right now is be as close to him as she can possibly be. It's not healthy, it's not healthy to spend all your time, cooped up in that room, wrapping yourself in his clothes so you can smell him around you. So many times I wanted to yell at her to snap out of it, it's not like her, none of this is like her.
When she came downstairs, I was hoping that she would finally open up to us. I would have been happy if she just joined us for a while, sat with us, just let us back into her life even in the littlest bit possible. I guess that was too much to ask for really, and in so many ways I guess I don't blame her. I kind of know what she is going through, sort of.
"Oh God. Oh no… Please… please, come on… Come on Tara! Please! Come on baby… By Osiris, I command you! Bring her back! Hear me! Keeper of darkness…" All I wanted was her to come back to me, we had only been together, truly together, for such a short time. I thought we had much longer, I thought we had many more years ahead of us. It wasn't fair.
"Witch! How dare you invoke Osiris in this task!"
"Please, please, bring her back!"
"You may not violate the laws of natural passing…"
"How? How is this natural?" She was so young, she was murdered. How… I was so confused.
"It is a human death, by human means."
"You raised one killed by mystical forces. This is not the same. She is taken by natural order. It is done."
"No. There has to be a way!"
"It is done!"
All I wanted, as I watched Buffy with Angel on that day, all I wanted was to make that pain, the pain I knew she would feel go away. I wanted to help, to stop whatever it was from happening before it did. But I failed, just like I failed Tara. I couldn't even bring myself to tell Buffy that I had tried, that I had tried to stop this from happening but I couldn't. My powers have been different since the darkness took over. No, I'm not in that same place that I was before but my willingness, my eagerness to use magic, it's changed. I know I'm more apprehensive and in some ways, it makes me weak.
I stood by the window and looked out. Night was starting to fall on the city, the bright lights of Los Angeles began to shine and it created a soft yellow orange glow along the horizon. She still wasn't back and although I know she's a big girl and that would mean she could take care of herself, her mind frame right now just isn't stable. She isn't capable of taking care of herself. Greif makes people do stupid things, and this kind of grief, well, it's the mother of all grief's. She'd been through it once, and it caused her to leave all of us behind, I guess I was worried that the same thing was going to happen again, only, maybe this time she would go for good.
I started to pace the room, kind of like a mother whose teenage daughter was out on her first date and it was past curfew and she still hadn't come home yet. Every now and then Spike or Giles seemed to stop by the room to ask if she had come back yet. Giles and Spike and continued to do research on the Immortal after Angel was killed, they needed to see if something, or someone would come after Buffy, or any of us for that matter and what they were finding wasn't exactly calming, and the fact that Buffy was out there, on her own, and in a weakened state, well, there were many reasons for our concern. However, at this point, if I know her as well as I think I do, she doesn't really care, I'd almost put money on her openness to death right now.
It was past eleven when the door opened and Buffy walked through them. My pacing had thankfully subsided and I had taken residence on the couch, finding myself channel surfing. She didn't seem to acknowledge me, her eyes met mine for a few moments and then she was back in the closet, presumably changing into his clothes before getting back into the bed. She'd probably be angry with me, when she was gone I thought it would be a good idea to change the sheets, so for her that meant his scent no longer lingered on them. I just figured that not only would it be more sanitary, but that maybe it would help with the moving on process, plus, well the sheets were just gross.
"Where did you go?" I found myself saying as she emerged from the closet, clad, just as I had thought, in a pair of his boxers and one of his shirts.
"Just… out… I don't know." They were the only five words I got that night. But I guess five words was an improvement from the previous zero that I had gotten over the past three days.
"Goodnight." I said quietly, turning the TV off as I laid back against the pillows and closed my eyes, allowing my stress and worries to subside. I'm not really sure how much more of this I can take, how much longer I can sit here and watch her torment herself like she is. She needs to do something about the grief before it takes over, it's just a matter of figuring out what we can do for her.
I found myself in a white room. There was no one around, just the blinding whiteness that seemed to burn the eyes as you looked at it. Confused I stood up and began to inspect my surroundings. But all that I could determine was that the room was a square, and not a big one at that, maybe twenty feet by twenty feet.
"Hello?" I called out but it received no response. I could feel the panic start to rise in my chest as my breathing seemed to get slower and heavier.
"Where am I?" I called out again. I had no idea what I was hoping to get, who I was hoping to see. I just knew that something didn't feel quite right.
"Willow Rosenberg." I heard a voice call, causing me to turn and look. Yet there was nothing there, not a soul.
"Who is this? What is going on? Where am I?"
"None of that is important. I only come to bring you a message; you are then free to go. In one week's time, the Powers that Be are sending Angel back to earth, alive and well. We have no use of him in his former state and by aiding in the capture and death of the Immortal, he has fulfilled shanshu. We now charge him with the role of protecting Buffy, the Immortals followers are seeking to hurt her and we need him to fight with her. As for your role, we fear that those who are going after Buffy will try to interfere with her dreams, we will send word of dangers through your dreams, much like this one. When the time draws closer to Angel's return, another message will be sent to you, you must be there when he returns to help him. However, you are not to speak a word of this yet, we cannot allow anyone to get word of this."
"I can't even tell Buffy?" I asked, not sure how I could keep this a secret from her knowing that it would bring her out of her funk and back into a productive real world.
"You cannot speak a word to anyone. For appearances sake, if the Immortals followers sense a change in her demeanor, it is possible that they will attack before Angel is ready to return, he still has a great deal of healing before he can be ready to fight."
My eyes opened and I found myself in a puddle of my own sweat. I sat up, my eyes adjusting to the darkness as I glanced over towards the bed were Buffy was sleeping, but not peacefully. She lay there, tossing and turning, occasionally muttering angrily. I realized that she was reliving that day, that night, and now, I had the ability to soothe her, but at the same time, I had to keep that information from her. Information that I knew was important to keep from her, but also important that she knew. I had no one to turn to, no one that I could talk to, and I was more confused than I had been in a long time.
So I know it was a really, really short chapter but when I was going through the old version I realized that this was a small blurb that I totally skipped over so I just wanted to put it in. Anyways... I hope that you enjoyed it! Thank you to everyone who is reading! Please continue to read and review!