The Love Bug
Summary: Who knew one candle and one little spider could do so much? DanBlair. OVER SPRING BREAK; B4 1x14
Author's Starting Notes: I'm not sure how this came to me, or how far this will go. It's just a pointless blur, you know? But an interesting one in my opinion. This was originally going to be put on all the way back before the new episodes aired but them I stopped writing on it so it wasn't. I changed like half the plot, the summary, and the title twice after seeing the episodes before coming up with this whilst reading someone's ChuckBlair story. Actually, it was mostly because my little thirteen-year-old buddy, Flame Resistant, told me she'd just had a minor panic attack when a spider came into her room. She was so freaked and her mom's friend who was over at the time came in and helped her. So, next chapter, the little spider scene, yeah, that really happened. So, once again, just for clarification, this story takes place after "The Thin Line" and before "The Blair Bitch Project".
Time Stamp: Posted June 8th, 2008
Soapy bubbles filling the air, water soaking the carefully pressed blouse, and, of course, the lovely motions involved in scrubbing the plates, gosh, how the hell could she make washing dishes so damn sexy? Daniel Humphrey, age seventeen, was dying to know.
It hadn't been more than two days since the Waldorf Residence had nearly been burnt to the ground in a horrible incident. Blair Waldorf, still emotionally distressed after her dethronement, had taken it upon herself to set up a romantic evening for her mother and her mother's boyfriend. She had picked the sweetest music she could find and the best smelling candles they owned. An apple scented one there, and a cinnamon one here; the entire home had been transformed into the most serene of environments. The only downside was the placing of one particular brown sugar scented candle. It was directly underneath the sixteen hundred dollar, pure silk, highly flammable curtains imported from some place deep in Europe. Those fancy beauties went up in flames so quickly Blair was sure a firecracker had been set off inside the house. She rushed outside dialing 911 as she ran. The manor had not fallen down but it was not accessible for "at least sixteen days, you know, fires and stuff". Eleanor was about to head off on a business trip; so, it didn't really affect the eldest woman living there. Blair, on the other hand, had a problem.
Going with her mother was not an option, visiting her father would simply be agonizing, and the Archibalds weren't even on her social radar anymore. Foolishly, Blair went to stay with her best friend and nearly lost her mind. Turns out living at the van der Bass home is therapy waiting to happen. Blair was about to just accept the fact that she was doomed to be a hobo until her home was back when little Jenny Humphrey came to her mind.
Jennifer Humphrey was the stupid, freshman bitch that had ruined Blair's life in January and, as it was only April, Blair had not yet forgiven her. Torturing a not-so-innocent little blonde seemed the best choice of them all; so, it was no surprise that within three hours of ditching her friend's home, she was comfortably residing on the couch of the Humphrey loft. She could very easily see how uncomfortable Jenny was sitting across from her in the living area, but she wasn't going to make it any easier for her. After all, telling Nate sure as hell didn't make things easier for Blair.
"Her house is destroyed," Rufus Humphrey insisted to his only son as quietly as his growing temper would allow. It was nine in the morning; give him a break.
"Then she can go somewhere else, why does she have to stay here?" Dan asked not trying to be quiet at all. Blair nearly rolled her eyes at the boy. The two men were just around the corner fighting over whether or not to let her stay. She knew she'd be staying though. There was no way they'd be kicking her out on her beautifully clothed ass. Who cares if Dan hated everything that was Blair? Who cares that her late spring wardrobe cost more than the slab of wood and nails they lived in? She was Blair Waldorf damnit! And, besides, who could kick out a "poor girl down on her luck"?
"She is not poor! She is a female version of everything that is wrong with the world," declared Dan intent on getting his point across.
"Whether you dislike her or not, Dan, she is staying here. End of discussion, now, get your butt in there and say hello to our guest!"
Rufus had had enough of Dan's wining. He had raised his son better than that. He had taught Dan to look for the best in people and with him accepting the Serena van der Woodsen, for the good and the bad, he had thought Dan had learned the lesson. He was sadly mistaken.
Begrudgingly, Dan did go into the living room and greet Blair with as sarcastic of a tone as any. It was painfully evident to Blair that she had come to bother one Humphrey and was getting another one thrown in for free. The least she could do was be kind to the boy who so obviously loathed everything about her. However, the least wasn't what Blair had in mind.
"Oh, thank you ever so much, Mr. Humphrey, I don't know what I would have done if not for you," Blair sweetly said, Rufus shook his head and placed his hands in front of him
"Don't even mention it, Blair. And please, call me Rufus," Rufus said and Blair had the audacity to actually pull off a blush as she repeated the name quietly.
She was laying it on thick, Dan noted to himself watching her suspiciously. Any nicer and he was sure a trip to the dentist would be in order.
"Now, I think at night you'll be staying in Jenny's room-"
"Shush! You can go in there anytime you wish. We have a lights out of around eleven PM here but you may go to bed whenever. Now, is there anything else we can do?" Rufus asked
"Well, I am a bit parched," she said, "But I would hate to impose,"
"It's not a problem at all. I'm going to go finish our Saturday morning breakfast and Jenny will go get you something to drink right now,"
With that Rufus and Jenny left, one of them a little more than ticked off. There was a slight rustle in the kitchen where Jenny was obviously heard protesting about Blair staying in her room - much softer than either of the men could ever conjure up though - before the loft went temporarily silent. When the sounds of cooking came back up, Blair turned her focus to Dan. The poor, poor boy, he was so disbelieving. He'd never show it though. He was a kind teenager, and, however, rare and genuine he may be, he could crack. The good mannered boy exterior would falter shortly, she was almost certain, and she couldn't wait for it to happen.
"Why are you here?" Dan asked quickly not even bothering to hide the disdain in his voice
"Yes, of course, you light a candle, bunk with my girlfriend, then decide 'hey, I'm bored why not drive Dan and his sister insane?'" Dan snapped
"No, just your sister, I completely forgot about you," Blair said
"That makes me feel great, really it does, but why couldn't you have stayed with Serena?" Dan asked
"And be in the same house as Chuck Bass for two more weeks, I think not!"
"What about one of your other friends?" he asked
"What other friends? Hazel and your sister made sure I had no one and it doesn't matter how long it has been, I'm still a social pariah,"
"I'm surprised you even know the correct word,"
"I'm not an idiot, Humphrey,"
"Could have fooled me, Waldorf,"
"Look, Dan," Blair stood from the couch and stepped closer to him, "You can yell at me, insult me, degrade me, treat me like shit, just know, this may be your house but I am the queen of underage New York. Understand that I will smother you with your own pillow if I have to. Don't ruin this for me!"
"Ruin what? What are you planning, Blair? And what could I do to stop it? Better yet, what could you possibly do in response to-"
"OW!" Blair yelled suddenly jumping backwards onto the couch and rubbing her arm vigorously. Dan looked on confusedly as she started sniffling up. What the hell? Was going insane a morning ritual for this girl?
Rufus and Jenny ran in the room to see Blair, in tears, and Dan towering over her looking mutinous. It didn't take a brain surgeon to get the picture.
"Daniel Robert Humphrey, what do you think you are doing?" Rufus roared
"I-I'm not, I didn't, but-"
"Gosh, Dan, could be any more of a jerk?" Jenny asked quickly going over to Blair to see if she was alright. Destroyed reputation or not, Blair was still Jenny's idol.
"Go to your room right now, young man," Rufus said
"But I didn't do anything," Dan said stomping down his foot
"Sure, and Blair here just jumped back on the couch and screamed ow," said Rufus sarcastically not knowing that was exactly what just happened. Rufus pointed down the hall and Dan dejectedly went to his room grumbling the lot of the way.
"I am so sorry, Blair. My brother is such a jerk," Jenny said
"It's fine, he was just angry," Blair said defending him weakly
"No need to make up excuses for him, he will surely be punished for this, I taught him better than to act that way," Rufus said
"No, don't punish him, it was my fault. I shouldn't have come here. I'll get out your way and-"
"Nonsense, you're staying. Jenny, take Blair to your room while I go speak to that boy,"
Jenny escorted Blair away from the raging father and towards her bedroom. The second the door opened, Blair knew Dan must have gotten some major popularity points. Jenny's room looked like a slightly more immature version of Blair's room, which could only mean that the girls liked coming over causing Blair to quickly think back to the reason why Serena was suddenly so well-liked once more; hot siblings.
"Jenny, do your friends like your family?" Blair asked dropping her purse on the bed and turning to the blonde
"Oh, yeah. My dad and Dan are really something to them. I think Iz might like my dad though," Jenny said with a disgusted look on her face
Blair continued looking around the room, taking note of plenty of things, like the odd pajama looking things above the bed and the stupid garage door that still separated the two rooms. How ever would she survive staying there for two weeks?
"Why do you ask?"
"Oh, just wondering how you are doing with the girls. I figure you must be just the best to take over my spot as queen," Blair said
"I'm not queen, Blair," Jenny said sounding just a bit peeved by what she was saying
"Really? Then who's in charge of everything?"
"Hazel, can you believe that? She's really annoying and a true pain, I can't stand her!"
"Then that makes two of us. However, this wonderful chat must end, I think I need to clean up a bit, I have been at the Bass household for two days," Blair said knowing what Jenny would think instantly but choosing to ignore the curious look, "Where's your restroom?"
"Oh, the bathroom? It's down the hall to your left, right next to the guest bedroom, and I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything," Jenny said. Blair nodded and as soon as she was sure Jenny was gone, Blair whipped out her cell phone and signed on to chat.
DethronedAndAlone: I am in the bird's nest
DethronedAndAlone: I'm at the loft
TheQueensBestie: Great. Don't anger Dan.
DethronedAndAlone: too late
DethronedAndAlone: Sorry, S, too tempting
TheQueensBestie: would it kill you to get along with him?
TheQueensBestie: B, I told you I'd help if you left him alone. Be nice and seriously, try to get along with him
DethronedAndAlone: I'll try if he does
TheQueensBestie: Blair, be the bigger person
DethronedAndAlone: isn't that just code for the loser?
TheQueensBestie: No, now go in there and be nice to my boyfriend
DethronedAndAlone: yeah, yeah
The conversation stopped there for Blair could smell the delicious scent of fresh pancakes wafting into the room. Stowing her cell, she went out the door and into the kitchen where Jenny was fixing herself some orange juice.
"What is that yummy smell?" Blair asked stopping by the girl
"My dad's homemade chocolate chip pancakes," Jenny said excitedly, "They are the best, you'll love them,"
"Oh, I don't usually eat things like pancakes in the morning," Blair said, Jenny curiously egged her on, "They just aren't good for the figure, you know?"
"Gosh, Blair, if your body got any more perfect, you'd be Serena," Jenny said shaking her head slightly at Blair, "Well, I'm off to the guest room,"
"Yeah, the guest room, I'm staying in there because you need the best we can provide," Jenny said
"That is so sweet," Blair said feeling just a bit touched by the answer
"My dad's idea, not mine, not that I don't think you need the best, it's just-oh, great, I'm just gonna go now,"
Jenny scampered from the room and Blair lowered the smile she had so carefully put in place. Her cheeks would certainly end up hurting from all this false cheerfulness but it was better than hiding from Chuck. She'd rather deal with Dan any day. He was, at the very least, not as judgmental.
"As I have said before, she is evil!"
"Stop saying that, Dan. And we are not here to talk about your opinion but why you hit her," Rufus said
"I did not hit her! She is a grade-A actress, probably from years of sucking up to rich people her parents associate with or something, either way, I didn't do anything."
Dan was beyond angry. Who did Blair Waldorf think she was? She waltzes into his home, tricks his dad, and gets him in trouble for speaking to her. It was completely wrong and disgusting and-gosh! If he ever got his hands on her, he'd wring her little neck and toss her in the nearest abandoned subway car.
"Lying is not acceptable in this loft,"
"Then why is Blair here? That's all she does, anyway. Lie, cheat, and ruin people's lives! So far, I'm the one being ruined,"
"Enough! Now, you are going to go in that room and apologize to her. Then you will help me fix the plates and have a civilized breakfast. You'll also be doing the dishes," Rufus said
"Fine," Dan reluctantly agreed following his father out of the room. He did everything he was told to do including sitting by Blair during breakfast as she basically drooled over the food.
"That was delicious, Rufus," Blair said as she finished her second helping of pancakes. What could she say they were amazing!
"I'm glad you liked them. Oh, don't worry about those, Dan will get them," Rufus said seeing her pick up her plate. Blair placed it back on the table and waited for Rufus and Jenny to leave again. Dan went to grab all the plates - as she was one of the last to finish - and began washing them.
First, he filled the sink with water. Then, he added in soap and the sponge. The dishes followed those. He let them soak a little, then he started scrubbing them with the warm, soapy sponge. He was only on his second plate when he noticed that Blair was watching him from her seat.
"What?" he asked
"Nothing, it's just, I've never actually seen a teenager washing the dishes before. Usually, there's Dorota, or one of the other staff members doing it. Is it fun?" she asked
"Yes, oodles. Being drenched in water and soap, pruning up your fingers, and getting rid of other people's saliva off of stuff, I can't even think of a better way to spend the morning," he said sarcastically, Blair noted that his sarcastic persona was starting to get annoying and decided to have some fun for real.
"Teach me," she said
"Teach you what?" he asked
"How to wash dishes, come on," she said
"Alright, but you may not want to wear that,"
He pointed to her clothes and she looked them over not seeing the problem he had.
"You're wearing a white shirt,"
"I'm sure I won't get that wet," she said waving off his concerns
One hour later, Blair stood rooted to her spot in the middle of the hall as Dan went fishing for some kind of towel. He walked over and handed her the cloth.
"Won't get that wet, huh?" Dan mocked
"Shut up! You're the one that forgot to tell me that the stupid sink didn't just stop if you walked away," Blair said
"I thought it was common knowledge," Dan said
"Do I look like the kind of person to know 'common knowledge' about appliances?" Blair asked snappily
"I'm pretty sure your sink doesn't just turn off," Dan said
"Well, we did just install an automated sink and shower system in my bathroom…"
Dan shook his head surprised at just how much these rich parents did for their kids.
"What?" Blair asked
"Nothing, it's nothing," Dan said stepping away
"No, it's not! Tell me," Blair ordered, Dan turned around ready to tell her he was not one to listen to commands but he didn't get that far. He kind of stopped short once he saw her. The tight, waist-hugging jeans were now about three shades darker towards the top but not in the way that it'd look like she wet herself. The pressed white blouse clung to her body snuggly with its wet state, and the damp tips of her auburn tresses stayed in place right below her bust line drawing his attention there a bit more than they should have. He blinked twice and looked back up at her face to find her staring at him impatiently and oddly.
"Um, what were we talking about?" he asked having forgotten completely, Blair groaned and threw her hands into the air dramatically. She stormed away from him and down the hall to the guest room to check it out. It was obviously much different from Jenny's room. It was actually - gasp - smaller! The room was probably the size of her closet back at the penthouse. She could make due with it though. After all, it was separated from dear Daniel's room by ten feet and a pretty, lockable door.
Fifteen minutes later, she was moving her things from the floor of Jenny's room into the guest room, much to the other teens' delight. It had taken a moment to convince Rufus it was really what she wanted - he didn't believe her - therefore she had less time to unpack than she would have liked. She was meeting Serena for some good old-fashioned friend time. Of course, there'd be some good old fashioned Brooklyn time as well for Serena wasn't going all the way out to Brooklyn without kissing her boyfriend. He was going to leave pretty soon, much like Jenny. The latter, surprisingly, wasn't going to the same place.
"Knock, knock," Serena van der Woodsen said pushing open the door to the room.
"Hey, S," Blair said giving her friend a smile
"Hey, B, how are we doing? Have we had enough fun?" Serena asked
"If by we you mean me, then no. I'm just getting started, S. It's not like I'm going to have much time to bother Little Jenny Humphrey. She leaves in six days," Blair said
"And Dan leaves in seven to see his mom." Serena said frowning deeply
"Don't worry, I'm sure you and Cabbage Patch can have some phone sex over the break," Blair said
"Blair!" Serena reprimanded, "That was uncalled for… although, a very good idea. I think I'm going to go suggest that, be right back,"
Blair thought her friend was joking, but, once the door closed, she found Serena wasn't. She should have known Serena didn't joke that much when it came to sex. Hm, that was something she and Chuck had in common. Blair went on with her room settling for a few minutes whilst waiting for the return of her blonde friend. After a while, though, her thoughts drifted away from which drawer should hold the striped blouse to how much fun washing dishes had turned out to be. The actual dishwashing, not that fun, but working with Dan sure was!
"Gosh, Blair, okay, look, for the last time, you put the sponge down, then turn on the water," Dan explained slowly
"Okay, I can do it this time," Blair reached for the faucet and turned the dial reveling in the fact that it was much easier to not drop the plates when she used both hands to clean instead of one. Once the bigger dishes were out of the way, she went for the silverware.
"Now, Blair, be careful with those spoons, the curved sides-"
"I know what curves do, Humphrey! I've got this," Blair assured him lathering the spoons and forks with soap. She gingerly washed some forks off in the hot water before grabbing a spoon. The second the water touched it, the water went back up and hit the side of the sink giving Blair a brilliant idea. Dan was so uptight; he needed to loosen up a little. She grabbed the biggest son - the big shiny metal one Rufus used to make the batter all smooth like - and looked at Dan to see if she could get the angling right. She'd only have one chance for the element of surprise. Quickly, she moved sliding the spoon right into the freezing water and sending a large splash straight for Dan's downcast head. His face was so priceless that Blair actually giggled. He looked up at her in the way she expected him to, shocked and pretty amused by her childish action. What he did next surprised her. He shook his wet hair and grabbed the bottle of dish soap to his left.
"Blair, I'm going to have to repay the favor you bestowed upon me," Dan said
"Then I'll just a bestow another one, Cabbage Patch," she said
"Just know, this means WAR!"
Dan squirted the bottle directly at her splattering her beautiful blouse in dish washing liquid. She gasped at how cold the stuff was before angling the spoon and hitting him again. He laughed and sent some more soap her way before doing something very unfair and grabbing the faucet handle - she didn't know it disconnected - and hitting her with water as well.
"So unfair!" Blair yelled, "That's cheating,"
"There's no cheating in war! Only strategy," he declared soaking her once more when she turned around. She ducked down and he was pretty sure that she had given up. Then she jumped up with the mop bucket - damn him for leaving it there - and dumped it over his head during his moment of surprise.
"How's that for strategy, Dan?" Blair asked smugly crossing her arms across her very, very damp shirt.
"Not as good as this," he said wiping his face and reaching forward for the edge of her shirt so he could blast about three gallons of ice water over her stomach and chest. They kept running around goofing off until Rufus came back into the kitchen and saw them. Actually, he watched them for a moment with a bemused expression pretty off-hinged himself at seeing his son, who was so blatant with his dislike for the girl, chasing her with an open faucet. Rufus was tempted to let them continue their fun but he knew it'd probably end up ruining the floor if they didn't get all that water and soap up.
"What are you two doing?" he asked loudly rooting them to their spots on the floor.
"Um, washing dishes," Blair proposed lightly, both Humphrey men shook their heads
"I didn't know washing dishes was so much fun," Rufus said
"Neither did we," Blair and Dan said together before looking at each other shyly and turning their gazes to their respective weapons instead.
Blair stopped short in her reminiscing as she thought to what she was actually doing. Was she really smiling over a memory of her and Humphrey? Okay, that was so not good.
© Dezi. While everything above was written by myself, the characters and the world they live in was not. I don't own GossipGirl, okay? You don't have to rub it in!