Wasted Youth:

The Georgina Sparks Story

Summary: Some times, the choice to hold onto your childhood isn't up to you. Other times, it is. For Georgina Sparks, that was the issue. G-centric. Hints of, well, everything. Before, during, and after season one.

Genre: Angst/General

Author's Starting Notes: There's a section in this chapter where we have a flashback. I put the flashback in italics but not in G's POV. Just know, that it is a flashback, not something Georgina was writing down. This chapter includes basically the entire lot of what we care about in 1x17, "Women on the Verge", when it is exposed what exactly happened between Serena and Georgina that was so bad it made Serena leave town. I'm going into Georgy's mind though, so, you'll see a little bit more with her and her side of the story. Hope you enjoy this chapter, please review.

Time Stamp: Posted July 17th, 2008.

Chapter One: Serena

18 June 2008.

There are people in everyone's life who seem to be different, special, vital players. In my life, there's always been one person I felt I could count on. I trusted this person to be there to protect me and care for me. That person burned me one day. Scorned me in a way that still hurts even now. That person was and always will be Serena van der Woodsen. Now, don't get me wrong, she's a loyal enough person, just not when it really counts. You tell her to run one time and, suddenly, you're the fucking bubonic plague or some shit like that. I'll never get what possessed her to change. She used to be my buddy but something about that night changed her. That night… gosh, I hate that night. I hate every single, miniscule fact about that entire fucking day. It's because of that day that I'm where I am. I was given a choice that night to choose my love or my life. I chose the wrong one thinking they were different. They weren't. Sometimes, I close my eyes and I still see them. I still see those wide emerald eyes glazing over, hiding the pain and fear they held only seconds before. Other times, all I see is emptiness. But that's usually when I look in the mirror.

Love was in the air all around Manhattan. It resonated from the evergreen grass to the pale white clouds in the sky. Why that day held such a vibe was a mystery to all. Maybe the stars had aligned or something like that. Maybe it was because one of the most anticipated weddings ever was happening. Or, maybe, just maybe, it was something eerie, like the calm before the storm. Georgina Sparks liked to believe it was the last one. Always the pessimist that girl.

"Gosh, Serena, you're acting like it's your wedding day," Georgina said rolling her eyes. She had been at the van der Woodsen home for two hours doing nothing but consoling and calming down a very unorganized blonde girl. It wasn't unfamiliar. She usually did so at clubs or bars when her friend would decide that the last dance on the table, or "accidental" flashing, was too much. However, she kind of hoped the day would be much lighter. It was the day of the "most gorgeous, and amazing wedding ever!" Georgina rolled her eyes again just thinking about it.

"Am not!" Serena said frantically searching for her shoes, "Do you know how hard it is to go to a wedding without a date?"

"You could have gone with the Beast," Georgina stated backhandedly

"He's with Blair, Georgy," Serena said

"Oh, come on, you know you and Blair share everything already. Why not boyfriends?" Georgina asked, Serena wanted to say something, but knew there was nothing she could say on the topic that would suffice. So, she left it alone.

"Mom, where are my shoes?" Serena asked loudly sticking her head out the room door.

"Check under your bed, everything always ends up there!" Lillian van der Woodsen replied, Serena nodded going straight under her bed. She pulled out countless things one of which gave Georgina the idea that would change their lives even more.

"Ooh, a video camera, what kind of naughty things does Beauty keep, eh?" Georgina asked turning on the camera and pressing play. Nothing.

"Nothing, I never used it. Came as a gift from husband number… two," Serena said

"Then we'll just have to use it, won't we, sweetie?" Georgina asked

"What do you have in mind?" Serena asked pulling from under the bed. Obviously, she was momentarily ditching her shoe conflict.

"Hmm, you, me, some pudding, and a big screen TV," Georgina said, Serena looked at her oddly, "Oh, you meant for the video! I was talking about after the wedding. I've had this big sweet tooth for pudding recently,"

"Cravings?" Serena asked

"Ha, ha, you're hilarious," Georgina said

"Hey, I'm just saying you have been looking a little round these days," Serena said jokingly

"That's just because you're staring at my ass too much, sweets," Georgina said, "Which may I say is beautiful,"

"Yeah, whatever, just promise me that if you ever do get pregnant, Auntie Serena can be godmother," Serena said

"And you promise me that if I ever do get pregnant, you will help me get an abortion or find a good foster family. I'm way too F'd up for a kid," Georgina said

"Then change your ways, get back together with Peter Pan, and make some lost boys of your own," Serena said, Georgina chose not to comment instead pointing out the shoes hanging off the edge of the bed.

"Found them," she said

"Thank you, G! But, really, you and Pete shouldn't let, you know, come between you," the blonde said

"He cheated, Serena," Georgina said

"You did too," Serena said

"But I didn't get someone pregnant," Georgina said

"Yeah, because it's kind of physically impossible," Serena said

"Not completely, all we need is a turkey baster,"

"You're disgusting!"

"I prefer crudely honest,"

"Well, my honest friend, why don't you be honest with your ex and tell him what's really bugging you? Because you obviously won't tell me,"

Serena pouted in the way that always got her what she wanted and Georgina sighed.

"Pete… he told me he loved me. I just was all 'Okay' and left. We didn't talk for a while and he thought it'd be best if we took a break. When he was saying that, his beloved other woman came in the room. I snapped and we haven't spoken since," Georgina said

"Aww, Georgy, do you want me to stay back from the wedding?" Serena asked

"No, you love those sap fests, go on, I'll meet you at Eastview, okay?"

Serena nodded strapping her heels on and darting away. Georgina sighed. If only that really was all that was bugging her.

"She is out of control, Mary!" yelled Thomas Sparks to his wife of twenty-seven years. "Sneaking off in the middle of the night, remaining gone for days at a time, and always with that weird boy. I'm sorry, but I think we're going to have to do something about this."

"Like what, Tom? She is our daughter. We just need to be there for her," Marian Sparks said

"Well, I sure hope we have some frequent flier miles saved up because you're going to need to be there for her in Utah. I am not going to have our little girl become some kind of… whore."

"She is not a whore, Tom!" Mary screeched defending Georgina instantly.

"Then what do you call her? She skips school, wears revealing clothing, if she comes home she's covered in vomit and ejaculation, and even you can't pretend you haven't noticed the people she hangs around with," Thomas said. From where she hid, Georgina Sparks was shocked. Since when did her parents pay attention? And how the hell did her father, of all people, know anything about who she hung out with?

Despite his pleas for her to listen, Mary still relented, "You cannot judge a book by its cover, Thomas. She may be rough around the edges, but I think she's still our little girl underneath,"

"She's not," Thomas said, his voice dropping a few octaves as it grew passionately concerned, "I came home yesterday earlier than usual. You were at that book club meeting with Eleanor. I went towards her room to maybe chat with her. There was music coming from the room. I-I figured she couldn't hear me. I opened the door just a bit and saw her, our baby girl, sandwiched between two full- grown men. There was thrusting and fingering, and orgasms, and ejaculations, and she was happy. She was smiling, ecstatic even. She looked as if she did that all the time. I couldn't even bare to be in the same household." Georgina looked down feeling shame course through her. "She needs help, Mary,"

The brunette looked up praying to every god she knew that her mother would still defend her. She couldn't go to therapy, or be sent away. She knew she wasn't strong enough. And who knew what would happen to Pete? He'd been a bit better lately with help from her and Serena. No telling what would go wrong without her there to help.

"…. Then we'll get her the best help money can buy," Mary said softly. Georgina concealed a sob-like sound as she saw how relieved her father looked. They couldn't. They wouldn't. She backed away from the room. They could and they would. They told her the next morning. She'd have but a week left in New York. And that was that.

"Gosh, damnit, will you pick up the phone already?" asked a very aggravated and impatient Georgina Sparks as she held her cell phone. She hated waiting for people. Even cute and possibly stoned people like the one she was calling.

"Yo, yo, yiggity yo," answered the voice on the other line.

"Pete! Finally! I've called like three times!" Georgina snapped

"Sorry, I was with my baby mamma snogging like there was no tomorrow," Pete said, Georgina winced remembering her own words. As if he could feel her do it, he sighed, "Okay, uh, let's start this conversation over,"

"Fine. Hello Pete," Georgina said

"Hey Georgy. Why are you calling? I thought after the break up you'd want nothing to do with me and my 'weak' drugs,"

"Look, just because you and I are over-"

"Which I believe was a very hasty break up," Pete declared

"Which you initiated, doesn't mean that Serena should suffer," she said

"Serena?" he asked and Georgina could just see the sarcastic frustration melt off his face. Why on Earth did it seem she had that effect on everyone?

"Tonight is the night of the Shepard wedding. You know how S gets after weddings, don't you, Petey?" Georgina asked

"Sappy, romantic, and ultimately-"

"Frisky," they finished together

"We're going to make this a night none of us will ever forget. You in?" she asked

"Truthfully, you had me the moment you screamed my name, babe," he said, she could feel her cheeks flushing and quickly cleared her throat.

"Don't get all romantic on me, Pan. Meet me at the Eastview Hotel. I'm thinking eight so we can set up. She should be there ten at the latest," Georgina said

"Alright, see you then," Pete said hanging up. Georgina sighed leaning back into the cushion of her couch. Why did that feel like a bad idea already? Her instincts were telling her to call it off, but really, when did she ever listen to those?

'Hope my boyfriend don't mind it … it felt so wrong, it felt so right … don't mean I'm in love tonight. I kissed a girl and I liked it!'

There weren't many times when Georgina wasn't in control. This was such for she thrived on control and balance. Even when she was completely drunk, she still knew how to spin it. You can only imagine what she could do when her ex-boyfriend/drug dealer walked in on her singing "I Kissed a Girl".

"You liked it, eh?" Pete asked giving her a smooth smile as he pushed past her into the rest of the suite.

"What are you doing here?" Georgina asked

"The invite was for eight. Be glad I'm early, babe," Pete said

"No, I mean how did you get in?" she asked

"You know Arthur downstairs knows the drill. He saw me and instantly gave me the key to the room," he said

"Remind me to have him fired!" she said turning off her ipod.

"Awww, don't sound so upset to see me. I'm sure your walk down memory lane can come later," Pete said

"Let's just get everything set up," Georgina said

"Well, what are we talking about here?" Pete asked, Georgina handed him the video camera.

"I'm sure you have a good idea of what this is about," Georgina said smirking slightly. Pete looked up from the camera, a devious glint in his eye and a knowing smile on his lips. Oh, yeah, it would be a fun night.

"Pete vision, vision, vision. Here everything echoes, echoes, echoes, even me, me, me, whee!"

Pete ran around with the camera looking at this and that in his drunken haze. He couldn't help acting like a six-year-old at Christmas, yet he couldn't honestly say it wasn't fun. He ran up to Georgina who was leaving the bathroom and zoomed in comfortably at her top. She quickly swatted the camera.

"Petey, save the film for S," Georgina scolded

"But why? It's not like we won't have plenty of space," Pete said

"But still, we need room for Serena's freak out," Georgina said

"Freak out?" he repeated holding up the camera towards her.

"She's going to lose her mind," Georgina said happily into the device, "A genuine Serena van der Woodsen sex tape."

She giggled.

"How are we going to do this?" Pete asked from behind the camera no longer concerned over staring at Georgina's body.

Georgina, quite drunkenly, answered, "Well, if you put the camera over there, she'll never know," she laughed again.

Pete obliged moving the camera to a place where Serena wouldn't notice yet it would still capture any and all of the action that occurred.

"Are you sure she's gonna be down for this?" Pete asked just to make sure moving towards the bed

"It's Serena, she goes down for anything," Georgina said. She couldn't help but laugh at the joke she hadn't meant to put in there. And he couldn't help but join her. She looked up during her little fit and saw the way he was looking at her. He had that hungry sort of look and she was pretty damn certain she was giving it back. He started leaning into her neck when the door opened.

'Damnit,' Georgina thought, 'She's never on time but the one time I need her to be, she comes early? Damn her!'

Georgina masked her sudden burst of frustration nicely turning over on the bed to look at the blonde when she walked in.

"Hey baby, how are the new Mister and Missus Shepard?" Georgina asked

"I don't know," Serena said distractedly

"You don't? Weren't you at the wedding?" Georgina asked

"Yeah, but…. Oh, G, I've done something bad, something very bad," Serena said sitting down on the bed

"What'd you do?" Pete asked interested in this change of events. Serena turned her head into the pillow saying something lightly. Neither of them caught it, and an idea came to Georgina.

"Is the better question who, sweetie?" Georgina asked, Serena nodded

"Okay, then, who did you do?" Pete asked

Serena sat up and looked at them for a moment before saying, "Nate,"

Pete burst out laughing at the obvious choice. Georgina just looked at Serena shocked. The shock wasn't that Serena and Nate had sex, oh no, Georgina - along with everyone else - had seen that coming from day one. The shock was more the fact that Serena would just do so at a wedding when she had so blatantly shot down the idea of even taking Nate earlier that very day. Something wasn't right in that situation.

"How did that happen?" Georgina asked

"There were drinks, Blair sent us out of the reception, a bottle of champagne…. I just took my best friend's boyfriend's virginity, while he was on a date with her!" Serena said. Pete went on with his laughter finding the fact that Nate was just then getting some a little bit off.

"Wait, Snow hasn't given it to Gaston yet?" Georgina said

"Nope," Serena shook her head, "Blair wants to wait. She says the act is too meaningful to be wasted in the dramatic circle of pain that is high school,"

"Doesn't she know that high school never ends? It's like the whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's the best dressed and who's having sex," Pete said

"Who gets the honeys, who's got the money, who's kind of cute, and who's just a mess," Georgina sang instantly remembering the song

"And I still don't have the right look," Pete sang

"And I still have the same three friends," Georgina sang

"And the only thing that changed was the something, names and doctrines," Pete sang looking at Serena to finish

"Okay, let this song end," Serena said moodily

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh," Pete and Georgina sang loudly bouncing up and down. Once it finally occurred to them that Serena wasn't going to get into it, they calmed down.

"Aww, come on, sweetie, lighten up. I'm sure he didn't do that much. I mean, what kind of virgin lasts long enough to satisfy a serious party girl?" Georgina asked jokingly

"Actually, he did pretty good. Not amazing, but pretty good," Serena said

"Oh, so, you did enjoy sleeping with Nate," Georgina exclaimed grabbing a bottle of champagne to loosen Serena up

"I don't know, maybe," Serena said blankly accepting the drink as it was passed to her

"I think you did. If you enjoyed it, then he must have enjoyed it. So, it wasn't wrong. If it felt that good, it couldn't be wrong!" Georgina said hoping Serena would see her reasoning. The blonde did not.

"I can't believe I just did that," Serena said swirling her champagne flute in her hand, "Blair's my best friend. What sort of person does that to her best friend?"

Pete groaned turning over for the umpteenth time. He couldn't take it anymore!

"Uh, this is a therapy session, G. You promised a party!" Pete wined

"So, break out the favors," Georgina said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Pete smiled as she finally gave him permission to do what he'd been dying to do since he walked through that door. He opened his bag whipping out a small baggie. At the same time, Georgina grabbed a magazine and a credit card. He offered the drugs to her and she took them hoping Serena would finally let go. The blonde, of course, did the opposite.

"I don't feel so good," Serena said getting up from the bed and walking away. Pete looked a little worried, but Georgina quickly wiped away those thoughts.

"She always gets frisky after she hurls," Georgina assured him.

The night was dragging on as what was promised and expected seemed like it would never happen. I wanted to just find a way to get Serena to forget Nate and Blair, but it seemed to be an impossible task. She couldn't forget them. They were a part of her. Just thinking of that kind of makes my heart wrench because it certainly didn't take much for her to forget about me. I was never that important to her, just someone she could party with. However, that night, the only thing she partied with were drugs and my ex.

The drugs and alcohol were really kicking in and the male of the suite knew he'd have to do someone tonight. Right when he contemplated tracking down his ex-girlfriend in the other room, Serena returned to the bed. He didn't know what possessed him to do it. He was supposed to wait for Georgina to do anything. But, Serena just looked so hot wearing that oversized shirt with her hair messy and everywhere from drinking and throwing up.

He moved over closer to her kissing her neck softly. She pushed him away.

"No, Pete, I'm not in the mood, okay?" Serena said

"Oh, come on," Pete said cupping her cheeks as best as he could with her moving around. He kissed her lightly, and she returned it for a moment before backing away again.

"No, I'm too hot," Serena groaned, his hands went to her long legs

"Oh, you are too hot,"

She pushed up on the bed, "No, it's hot. Why is it so hot in here?"

She started unbuttoning her top and he watched fixatedly. His hands started moving, slowly finding the buttons and undoing them revealing the soft semi-push-up the blonde was wearing. She sat up allowing him to remove the sleeves of the shirt from her shoulders. She ran her hand through her hair to move it from its previous position not knowing how much it was affecting him. He kissed the bare skin on her shoulder. Then, tauntingly, he moved up going from her shoulder to her right ear, before going for her lips. Her resistance was gone by then.

His hands tangled themselves in her hair while hers went to discarding his shirt. Once the piece of clothing was gone, she ran her hands along the wifebeater he was wearing underneath. He leaned forward putting her back to the mattress. His hands then went south finding their way to Nate's boxers. The moment those skilled fingers touched her inner thigh, she realized what she was doing.

"I can't. I can't. I can't do this, Pete," she sighed, "I can't, um. You know how about, uh, how about we do a couple lengths first, okay?"

"Whatever, baby," he said sitting up and moving for his drugs. He was hoping he'd get some action but knowing Serena she'd probably be all over him in a second. She handed him a line.

"Here, go ahead," she said draining some Vodka pretty quickly. He looked over at her before inhaling through the straw allowing the euphoric powder to enter his system. He sat up and blinked a bit. Why did it feel a bit funny? He groaned as his nose felt kind of like it was burning, more so than usual. She threw a glance over at him and returned to her drink. He attempted to give her a smile, but he couldn't get pass a small grimace. Something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong.

Gosh, that night I had just wanted to do something fun. Serena wasn't really in the mood for fun though. To kick it up a notch, Pete pulled out some drugs. I noticed instantly they weren't the usual stuff. I had shaken off any feelings thinking it was probably just a slight mix with something else, nothing to worry about. I left the room after having a really small amount. It was stronger than I imagined possible. I was going to come back when I heard the two of them talking dirty on the bed. I should have known he couldn't keep it in his pants for three seconds. Why would he anyway? He was with Serena, the golden girl. I wasn't usually jealous of what she had. Right then though when she was making out with someone I cared about, I was. I wanted to be her. Kind of glad I wasn't now though. I didn't go back in the room because I felt Serena needed what Pete gave more than I did. I went into the other room in the suite and turned up my ipod. I didn't expect anything bad to happen. And, in a way, it didn't. Everything bad happened.

"Georgy, Georgy, GEORGINA!!" Serena yelled running from the bed to the door and back again.

Georgina rolled her eyes as she rose from the other room. Serena was probably just joking around and calling out her name to bug Pete. The girl had done it before with a different guy or twelve. Something in her gut though told the brunette that maybe it wasn't just a joke. Serena sounded sincerely freaked, and she looked it too.

"What? Why are you screaming?" Georgina asked masking up the genuine concern with a bit of anger. Serena had a phone to her ear and looked over to the bed. Georgina glanced at the bed quickly and felt like someone had just knocked the wind out of her. What was happening to Pete? Why was her Pete withering on the bed? And why the hell was Serena on the fucking phone right then of all times?

"What are you doing?" Georgina asked shakily tearing her eyes away from Pete's far from still form.

"I'm calling 911," Serena answered.

As if a red flag had gone up, Georgina quickly acted. She snatched the phone and put it away from Serena. Her mind racing at the speed of light, she was only able to get out, "You-you can't!" Serena looked at her shocked and Georgina found her voice.

"There's drugs everywhere. We could get in so much trouble. We can get arrested," Georgina said quickly, Serena looked at Pete, "We have to go,"

"No! We can't leave him,"

Serena sounded distressed. Georgina felt like breaking down. Gosh, what the fuck was going on right now? Since when did she have to be the voice of reason? Suddenly, Georgina thinks of repercussions. Suddenly, Georgina doesn't want to get in trouble. Suddenly, Georgina… is out of control. It's exactly what her dad said. He knew this would happen. That's why he wanted to get her away. But now it's too late. It's too late for anything. Too late for everything except one.

"We have to!" She pushed the blonde towards the pile of things, "Get everything that has you on it."

Georgina reached down for her purse under the table and saw the tape from the video camera. She quickly stuffed it inside her purse. She was scooping up more things from the desk when Serena's voice reached her ears once more.

"Where's his phone? Where was his phone?" Serena asked digging through the covers. Georgina turned and felt like slapping the blonde again. What was with her and fricken phones today?

"What are you doing?" Georgina hissed, Serena didn't even bother looking at her.

"I'm calling!" Serena responded, "Hi, uh, we have an emergency, uh, can you send someone right away to the Eastview Hotel, room… 1411, please?"

Georgina looked away from the other girl and found her eyes being drawn to Pete. He didn't look like the same guy she knew. He was in pain. He was-he needed help. Their eyes locked for just a second before his started rolling back into his head. Something was dribbling slowly from his mouth as his body continued jerking. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the images.

"His body is having seizures, I don't know what's wrong," came Serena's worried tone. Georgina really couldn't handle this. She grabbed her friend's arm pulling her along.

"Come-on! We have to go," Georgina reasoned as they rounded from the room. They started down the hall and Serena screamed help quite a few times. She knew someone had to look. Someone had to help him. Once they reached the ground floor, Georgina turned Serena around sharply and stared her friend directly in the eye.

"Georgy," Serena began tears filling her eyes

"No, Serena! No. You aren't going back up there. From here, we split up. People will be looking for us. They will. You have to get out. I don't care how, just get out of town. I'm going to do the same thing," Georgina said urgently

"What about Pete? You should care, Georgy. He's your boyfriend," Serena said

"Was my boyfriend. He'll be fine. I'm telling you. He's tough. It's probably nothing," Georgina said, although, it sounded like she was convincing herself more than Serena.

"Georgina, this is not nothing," Serena insisted

"Just… just go! He'll be fine," Georgina urged

"But what if he isn't? It'll be on our heads," Serena said

"He's fine! Don't come back by the hotel, run,"

Georgina started walking away.


The walk slowly transformed into a jog, which became a run. Her legs were moving faster than she thought they could as she kept running, running. Where she was going she wasn't sure, but one thing was for certain. No amount of distance could ever make that day go away.

I don't remember much after that. I disappeared, dropped off the radar for at least three days. I came back and found all they were talking about was Pete. Pete this, Pete that. "Oh, hey, did you hear about Pete?" Of course, they fucking did! I wasn't sure how I would survive it. Lucky for me, I had rehab to look forward to. After I returned, I had a day before I left again for some psychotic hut in Utah. I'd like to say that my time in rehab changed me. I'd like to say that I forgot my old ways and became the good-natured person my parents had always wanted me to be. But, I was told that I shouldn't lie. If anything, rehab made me worse. It wasn't the lack of drugs. It wasn't the horrible therapists. Oh no, it was the doctors and what they told me on that one faithful December morning.

© Dezi. While everything above was written by myself, the characters and the world they live in was not. I don't own Georgina, Blair, Gossip Girl, the classic Disney character nicknames, "High School Never Ends", or the Bart Bass Words of Wisdom that helped inspire this story. Sorry, for the confusion.

Hey, guys, if by chance you have any free time, you might want to check out my new forum. It's a GossipGirl forum that you can access by going to my profile and clicking on the "My Forums" space right before the actual profile begins. It's got discussions and some roleplaying for those of you who are into it. It'd be really cool if you checked it out.