99 Point 9 Percent Guaranteed

By: xxtarragonxx

Warning: A bit of ITAIRU in this chapter. (; Don't worry, there's no smut…at all xD

Disclaimer: Once again, me=own nothing except humor & plot.



So okay, yeah, I skipped detention…big deal…right? Besides, Iruka was all totally for it. He is still in his "MEN SUX WOMEN RULZ" phase of the break-up between him and Kakashi. He also said he would cover for me, so I'm not worrying at the moment. I did not have to worry at all about my poor innocent guardian alone with a scary professor who's the older brother of Sasuke, who also kissed me…Nope, not worrying here, no sir! I close my eyes and gently drift off to sleep.

"Naruto couldn't come to detention because…I'm sick and she's going to take care of me!" Iruka says defiantly, crossing his arms, glaring at the intimidating MAN in front of him. "Iruka-san, if you are sick, then why are you here?" Iruka's mouth drops open, before narrowing his eyes even more and spinning around, "Bah, you men always think you know everything don't you?" Suddenly a warm breath tingles against Iruka's ear. "Why don't you prove me wrong, Iruka-san?" Iruka spins around and almost collides with the muscular chest of Itachi. Iruka's eyes widen as Itachi leans closer and whispers, "Well Iruka-san?" He places a broad hand on Iruka's small shoulder. "No…" Iruka whispers as Itachi leans even closer, and closer, and closer. Iruka is now backed into a corner with no way out. Suddenly a scream tears through the room. Itachi is flung across the room in a blast of awesome cosmic energy. Iruka growls angrily advancing towards Itachi step by step. Itachi cowers in fear as Iruka towers over him. "Time to prove you wrong, Itachi-san!" Iruka cackles insanely as he lifts Itachi of the ground. "NO IRUKA-SAN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRUNCHER!" Iruka laughs again and slams Itachi into the wall, breaking ten bones in the process (and leaving a big ass dent in the wall). "WAHAHAHAHAHA!" Iruka shrieks as he tears off Itachi's arms with his bare hands. Blood spurted out of Itachi's arm stumps and he screams as Iruka reaches for his head. "No, please, I beg of you-ahhh!!!" Iruka jerks off his head and slowly begins to devour the brains. He then turns around with the brain half-chewed, spilling out of his mouth and screams, "NARUTO!"

"What?!" I jump up, my eyes wide open. I turn and see Kyuubi there, grinning and waving. I groan and collapse. "Jesus Kyuubi, you shook me awake from the most amazing dream! There was action, and drama, and everything! God, I hate you!" Kyuubi bows, "Glad to do you a favor." I growl and through a random book at him. "How did you get into my house anyway?" "I materialized through the walls, oooh!" Kyuubi says, waving his fingers in a supposedly spooky manner. I roll my eyes, "Kyuu, you're a DOUCHE BAG." "Ow, my pride." Kyuubi exclaims, holding his hand over his heart, "You pain me so my dear Fishcake!" "God, what do you want anyway?" "…I don't know, actually." "ASDLMQ)#$21!)#*%M!!!!" "…same to you?"


So it turns out that Uzumaki-san had a bad lunch and had to skip out on detention to erm, sit on the toilet. It doesn't really matter anyway, no matter how adorable the girl, I always enjoy some alone time. I lock my classroom door and block every window. No one can know my secret. I open the drawer and take out the box and close my eyes. What I'm about to do is probably illegal, but it gives me such a thrill. Slowly I take out the contents of the box and pop the CD into the stereo. I then undress until I'm standing in all of my naked glory. (AN: ho' snap.)

I press the play button the stereo and the song comes on.

You can dance,
You can jive!
Having the time of your life!
See that girl,
Watch that scene,
Diggin' the dancing queen.

Friday nights and the lights are low…
Looking out for a place to go
Mm, where they play the right music,
Getting in the swing,
You come to look for a King.
Anybody could be that guy!
Night is young and the music's high…

I prance around the room, swinging my head everywhere. The awesome tunes of ABBA lead me into a complicated dance. I shake my butt as the chorus comes on.

You are the dancing queen!
Young and sweet,
Only seventeen!
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
Oh yeah.

I begin to work up a sweat as the song continues and when the song ends I take in the deep breath and let it all out, I feel as if I'm about to die, but I also feel so energized! Like I can do anything! I am THE Dancing Queen. Nothing can stop my hips! I could cha-cha down the hall right now as I am and nothing would be able to touch me! I twirl around, freeing my hair from its usual ponytail and I shake it out and begin to dance again as the next song comes on.

No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through,
There's no talking to you.

I nod my head, getting the beat, before beginning to dance again. I push student's desks out of the way as I kick my legs and punch the air.

Do you believe in life after love?

Whoo! I picture I am in an open field, just dancing there with Cher singing in a tree to me as I dance for her. I shimmy down the aisles, posing every few desks.


Kisame, Itachi's childhood friend walks up to me. "Hey brat, where's Itachi?" I shrug, like hell I know. "I don't know, maybe dancing naked to Cher and ABBA." Kisame barks out a laugh, "Hah, you're funny kid, men don't do that type of stuff.


I sneeze rather ferociously and I am suddenly off beat. Anger floods through me. With a scream I turn off the stereo and begin to dress. Whoever broke my dance roll is going to get it. How about they try to dance while I make them sneeze? I cackle while I dress. I stow away and clean up all evidence of my dirty deed and calmly walk out of my classroom. However, I was stopped by Professor Kurenai. "Hello Kurenai-san, how can I help you?" Kurenai shook her head, "Nothing, I just thought I heard ABBA playing down the hall a moment ago." I glance around, "I didn't hear anything." "Oh, alright, must be in my head." "Have a good evening."

Yes, no one will ever discover my secret. Except for Uzumaki. And that's only if she wants to know my secret. I straighten my tie (even though it's probably already straight) and make my way towards my car.


I laugh as I own Kyuubi once again. "Haha, I've got skills you just can't beat!" I jeer as he bows his head in shame once more. We are currently playing Castlevania Judgment on my Wii and I was kicking his ass. "It's not my fault, I bet this Wii Remote isn't like, hooked up right or something." He whines. "Fine then, let's switch." We switch remotes and choose our characters once more. The battle begins. I swing my remote softly, with calculated smooth moves. Kyuubi swings his remote like a barbarian, yelling and screaming. I grin as the K.O. once again flashes across the screen. "DAMN IT!" Kyuubi yells. He throws down the remote and walks out of the door. I just shrug and put the Wii away. Iruka comes in shortly after Kyuubi had blundered out. "Hey Naruto, what was a boy doing in our house?" I smile sweetly at my guardian, "Oh nothing, I just kicked his butt at video games. So he got mad and left." Iruka scoffed, "Just like a man, when things get tough, pack your bags and move on." "Tell like it is sister, tell it like it is! Want to play?" I ask pointing to the Wii. "Sure, why not?"

Pretty soon I am once again engaged in slaughter, blood, and guts. However, for some reason a picture of Itachi-teme dancing naked popped into my mind and I blinked. This gave Iruka the upper hand to defeat my character. Iruka smirks at me. I shake my head, "Iruka, all of a sudden I have a headache, I'm going to go lie down." Iruka frowns with worry and nods his assent, "Go right ahead dear."

That's the image I want to be stuck in your head. A naked Itachi prancing around the classroom to ABBA. Do your eye burn yet? Do they?

ANYWAY, review, after ten reviews I'll begin typing the next chapter.

I also want to thank everyone who's stuck with this piece of crap story for almost two years now. XD Two years, twelve chapters.

And because she helped me with this chapter, I am obligated to do this: Please take a look at Pretty Nacho's story Pranksterz. It is a Fem!Naru story that is rather funny. Review because she just started and needs the inspiration! /~prettynacho