Title: For the one you love
Pairings: Huddy implied
Warnings: SPOILERS for "Wilson's Heart"
Word Count: 2061
Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. nor the characters.
Summary: Because I've got tired of Sympathetic!Cuddy… Post Wilson's Heart. Implied Huddy.
AN: I'm supposed to be revising for exams, but what the heck, school is over-rated anyway :D
This is un-beta-read. All mistakes mine. I'm really nervous about posting this as it's a bit different take on Cuddy and how she deals with the stuff that has taken place in "Wilson's heart".
Have a nice reading. :)
Cuddy knocked on the doors fiercely, waiting for Wilson to open up. She breathed out slowly trying to calm down. There was no point of yelling at him the moment he showed up. She could barely control the anger she felt whenever she thought about the risk House had taken for him. But she hadn't come here because of that. She exhaled again.
It was over three weeks since the accident and Wilson hadn't showed up at the hospital since taking his absent of leave. She had understood him then. Still did. It couldn't have been easy for him. Losing someone close had to be hard. She knew this first-handedly…
But this was enough. He had to talk with someone. To start healing, to start moving on… And- and he needed to make a decision regarding his friendships. Because waiting any longer may cost House his life… She sighed, her heart aching. She didn't want to be here, but she knew she needed to make it all better somehow. And she will! She was set on helping him realize what he needed to do. But she had to do it carefully, she needed to act delicately. Put the anger away, breathe and act rationally. She exhaled slowly again and knocked once more. She was not going to leave until he answered her.
Finally, when her hand was going to make another connection with the wood, the door opened. Wilson looked like hell. His hair was disheveled, he hadn't shaved in more than five days for all she could tell, and his cloths must have been worn even longer then that. She wrinkled her nose at the faint stink coming from him, and allowed the small feeling of pity to overcame her. He was the epitome of misery, standing in front of her.
"Hi." She said softly, looking into his eyes. His, oh, so lost eyes! They reminded her of the strikingly blue ones of her Diagnostician – the same loneliness, misery and defeat - and it made her heart ache a bit. The anger she felt mere moments before already forgotten and she experienced a sudden urge to make him feel better.
He stared at her blankly for a second, then answered in a hoarse voice "Hi." His eyes flickered away from her, his hand shook holding the doorframe. She took a breath, stilling her nerves, trying to detach her emotions. Remember, you need to be delicate, act rationally, sympathetically. She told herself.
"I tried calling, but you hadn't answered." She stated not accusing.
"I know." He replied reluctantly, then his manners kicked in. "I'm sorry." He looked back at her uncertainly, as if not sure if he waned to do the next thing, then opened his doors wider. "Do you want to come in?" he asked.
She just nodded, moving past him into the apartment. She looked around, taking everything in. She had never been here before. It was Amber's apartment not Wilson's, and she hadn't had the opportunity to visit them before the accident, then after it she had other problems to deal with.
The apartment was very similar to House's, with the blind kitchen and the setting of the other rooms. Even the couch was situated the same way as at House's. She noticed some of Amber's items left around the living room such as her makeup stuff on the table or her sweater thrown over the chair. There were some Wilson's shirts laying around too. And it had struck her that this apartment was homely. Actually lived-in. It wasn't Amber's. It was theirs. She closed her eyes briefly then turned to Wilson who was standing unsure behind the closed doors watching her warily.
Finally, he moved toward the kitchen, speaking up.
"Would you like something to drink? I think I've got some tea here."
"Tea's fine" she said, following him and sitting at the table in the kitchen. He looked briefly at her when she did that, but didn't comment, busying himself with making the beverage. When he finished, he set two mugs of steaming tea on the table and sat in front of her, not glancing at her even once. The silence stretched and stretched until it became unbearable for her and she broke it.
"How are you sleeping?" she asked the first thing that came to her mind, and felt like smacking herself. What a stupid question to ask.
"I'm not." He answered her softy. Yeah, she could tell that. His bloodshot eyes were a give away, really.
"Can I- can I do something for you?" she asked in the sudden feeling of empathy. Her previous anger felt somehow hollow now, when she was sitting with him here.
"Can you bring Amber back?" he shot back forcefully, nastily, making her flinch. She sucked in her breath, then exhaled slowly trying to calm down. Not so hollow anymore, that anger of yours… a sarcastic voice – too much like House's – snickered in her head. Rationally and delicately. She shot back, exhaling once more.
"I don't want to talk about it." Wilson added dismissingly, not looking back at her. She could see the tension in his shoulders.
"Alright." She said placating and sipped her tea. The hot liquid was having calming effects on her, which she was grateful for. Another long pause fell upon them. She didn't know how to bring up the real topic she wanted to discuss with him without being blunt, but she really needed to talk about it. She really wanted to hear his opinion, to see how he felt about it all, to make him realize the dangerous effect his behavior was having…
Finally, she spoke up again.
"Are you planning on speaking to him again?" it was asked softly, casually, as if she was speaking about the weather, and she flinched inwardly. House would have been proud of her if he could hear her, she, on the other hand, felt like trash…
Wilson shoot draggers at her, his eyes full of betrayal. "I knew you'll bring him eventually." He hissed venomously. "Couldn't stop thinking about him for a moment, could you? After spending the past few weeks with him."
The anger, she was trying to surpass for the past minutes boiled within her. So that's how he was seeing it. Oooohhh- "He risked his life!" she told him fiercely, unable to stop herself.
"To find out what he needed to know!" he shot back.
"Or what you had forced him to reveal!" she was furious now, she knew she won't be able to hold her feelings now, but she didn't care. "You asked him to do the procedure! Chase told me this! It was your idea!" she shot back, breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling down powerfully.
"He had gotten Amber in that accident!" he yelled at her. "It was his fault she was in that bus! All he could do was help finding out what was wrong with her!"
She got up form the table abruptly, her hair falling around her, eyes gleaming threateningly. "And he was doing everything in his power to help you! He didn't took any regard of his health to find out what has really happened! He should have been resting, but-"
"It was Amber!" he yelled angrily "I needed to know what was wrong with her!" there could be heard desperate undertones in his voice, but she ignored them.
"He had suffered form a heart attack less then twenty four hours after a bus accident and you have asked him to do the stimulation on a opened brain!" she accused. She tried to ignore the feeling of terror and dread that sipped again into her heart. It happened every time she recalled those forty-eight hours of hell.
She glared at Wilson furiously using those feelings against him, then noticed something flickering in his eyes. She paused; a sudden thought crossing her mind and her eyes narrowed. "You knew he would relent." She said and he looked down. "I can't believe this!" She threw her arms up and started pacing in his kitchen. "You actually knew he would relent and you still asked him! You- you- you used him!" she shrieked, heart pounding in her chest, hands shaking from anger. "You knew the risk he was going to take! You knew he would do it anyway, and you still forced him to do it!"
"I hadn't forced him to do anything!" he shot back angrily, and defensively, also standing up.
"But you knew he wouldn't be fighting you!" again that something flickered in his eyes, and this time she was able to name it. Guilt. "He relented to you without fighting, hadn't he?" He flinched and she knew she had hit the cord; she ignored the pang of envy she felt in her heart. House has never done anything half as sacrificing for her as he did for Wilson… but- but that didn't matter. No, because-
"He could have died." She whispered venomously, eyes narrowed. "He. Could. Have. Died." She pronounced it louder, emphasing each word. "He could have died!" she yelled it, tears prickling behind her eyes. "He could have-" a sob escaped her lips and she wrapped her arms around herself feeling suddenly spent.
The turmoil of last weeks spend at House's bedside and in his apartment, making sure he'll be alright, were finally catching up on her. The constant stress of expecting the worst whenever she entered his apartment, fearing that it's the time she would find him dead from overdose… The nights spent at his bedside crying silently for him over his nightmares and the misery he was in… The feeling of helplessness at not being able to stop him from experiencing the self-hatred… The hurt of not being enough for House… for always being below Wilson in House's hierarchy of friendships… The longing to make him feel better…
She stood in the kitchen with her arms around herself, silent tears streaming down her face. He could have died… could have left her alone… died…
"Maybe he should." Wilson said in a dead voice. She looked up at him surprised. "Amber did not deserve to die." He continued, his voice rising with each passing word. "She didn't! She was kind, beautiful, young, full of dreams! And he?! He's a misanthropic selfish miserable druggie who shouldn't be alive!!"
She stared at him for a second. "This misanthropic selfish miserable druggie has risked his life to save your happiness!" she said incredulously.
"Yeah, after he robbed me of that happiness!" he said sarcastically, laughing hollowly, deadly, and it make her shiver. And she sucked the air in as if punched.
"He did not rob you of anything!" she shrieked angrily. "He couldn't have know Amber would come to gather him! He couldn't have know the bus would crash! It wasn't his fault!"
"It was! It was!! He has insisted on feeding her a drink! And she was a too good person to leave him alone!" his voice broke, tears pooling in his eyes. "She was too good person for him… for me…" there was a pause when he tired to collected his emotions. She watched him hard, not feeling any sympathy for him. Unable to feel any.
Finally, his eyes hardened, shoulders squared and he looked back at her. "It was his fault. Nothing will change that." He said hard, his voice flat, full of venom. "If he hadn't been drinking in the first place she would have never been there!"
They stared at each other fiercely. Eyes cold, unrelenting, stubborn. Both of them caring too much for the one they loved. Both of them not willing to understand the position of the other.
Finally, Cuddy shook her head turning to the exit doors. She stopped before them, not turning back
"He's a better friend than you've ever been for him." She said accusingly. "You are going to kill him." Her voice broke a little. "Is that- is that what you want?" she asked quietly, then squared her shoulder, rising her chin higher. She turned her head to look back at him, eyes locking with his. "You don't deserve his friendship." She added bitterly – jealously – then left with another feeling of failure in her heart, tears prickling behind her eyes. Poor House… oh, my poor House…
She just wasn't able to see how this trio could be together again…
Ok. I'm quite aware that probably most of the readers will find this ficlet OOC but I do believe Cuddy might become angry with Wilson for the risk he had forced House to take. I know I am. Despite the fact he lost his true love (and my beloved Amber…) I cannot feel as sorry for him as I'd like too. I just can't stomach his dismissal of House's life. I know it was Amber, but still, he could have been more thoughtful of House…
Hope you've enjoyed it anyway.
Feedback is nice. Especially if this is really screwed up…