Chapter IV: but, darn, I do love him.
"Are you sure that he just left?" Sirius asked as he rubbed my back.
I sharply flinched upon hearing that question, and immediately backed away, letting his hand drop. "No, Sirius, I just imagined him running out of that room as if I was the devil incarnate or something," I retorted, glaring at the tactless prat.
I mean, really, did he think so little of me that he couldn't even trust my judgment on such a clear and concise matter as this?
"Sirius, shut up," Remus saved the day by slapping the bastard upside the head.
HAH, suck it, jerk!
"Lils, do you want us to go talk to him, find out why it is that he left like that?" Remus asked, taking my face in his hands and gently rubbing away the tears that streaked my face, a surely frightening sight as I was wearing mascara. It amazed me that they could even look at me at that moment,as I truly must have looked something along the lines of the general muggle perception of the appearance of a witch.
"No," I shook my head, my voice meek. I pouted a bit as I made a loud sniffing sound—terribly unattractive, that was.
Remus smiled at me, and very gently so. "Are you sure? Don't you want to know if it was a misunderstanding?"
"He ran, Remus, hightailed out of there as if I was the fucking black plague, there's nothing to misconceive!"
"I could always beat the poo out of him for being such an insensitive arse…" Sirius offered and the dangerous undertone to his words assured me that he really would.
"No," I shook my head, my voice coming out like a croak. "It's just that… urgh, this is exactly what I was so afraid of, you know? I don't want to lose him; he means the world to me, he's my damn best friend!"
Remus winced. "Lils, I'm sorry for pushing you… I honestly thought that James liked you, but just didn't realize it…"
"I just thought they'd be pretty attractive together…" Sirius bluntly admitted with a shrug. "Plus, figured it'd be nice to see Lily smile…"
I didn't know whether to be flattered or repulsed by those two reasons—one so sensitive and the other so… vain.
Remus just turned to Sirius with a look of utter incredulity, but before he could say anything I stopped him with a loud sigh.
"It's okay," I reassured them, taking a large gulp to try and get rid of that growing lump in my throat. It didn't work. Damn. "It's better this way… at least the truth is out of the way… at least there are no what ifs or anything of the sort…" I said, more so for my sake than theirs. Maybe, just maybe, if I kept repeating those words I'd actually begin to believe them, too!
"Do you really believe that?" Sirius asked, entirely missing the point of that monologue.
At times, he could be one of the smartest individuals I ever met… at others, however… well I doubt such a caliber of density has ever been surpassed.
"No, you prat, of course I don't, but what else am I supposed to say to try to assuage my broken heart now, huh? What do you expect from me, Black?!" I screeched, none too self-conscious about my blatant display of anger, he deserved what was coming, I figured.
He moved back slightly, fear evident on his face. "Sorry… didn't realize," he sheepishly admitted.
I didn't hold back the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm going to go to my dorm… cry a bit more, maybe wallow some with chocolate, too…"
Remus took the safe route with me by simply nodding in reply.
I let out a deep breath as I roamed the halls. I had thought I'd go straight to my dorm to mope a bit more, but found the dark and dreary tone of the dungeons to be much more appeasing. I never thought I would so willingly and gratefully enter the area, but suddenly it was a very nice companion. So perfectly reflective of my mood, I found it to be my best friend at that moment, intimate or not.
My fingers ran across the grooves of the walls as I slowly, aimlessly walked around.
"You look rather depressed," I heard a voice say from behind me.
I winced, immediately recognizing it. "Sirius, I told you, I'll be fine," I assured him, not bothering to even turn to face him as I spoke. "I'm Lily; indestructible is a term usually associated with me when describing me after all, right?"
He released a deep sigh. "Don't bull poo, if you need me to leave you alone I will, but only if you're alone in your dorm where it's safe."
I nodded. "Okay, I'll head back now… I promise."
"I'll be watching you on the map, if you don't go I will track you down again," he promised me and the words made me smile. Despite his all around pervert and ass-ness he's a total ace as a mate.
"Will do," I waved as I walked off, never turning to face him so he wouldn't have to look at my tear streaked face and I wouldn't have to see the struck look that would definitely mar his face. I don't think I could take pity on top of it all.
I walked into my room, not even paying attention to anything as I threw myself onto my bed. I then learned, however, that that wasn't the smartest thing to do seeing as I jumped off the bed soon after, letting out hysterical screeches when I heard a soft, whispered: "Lily" from beside me.
When I finally regained my sense I turned to the bloke sitting on my bed. "James, what the hell was that?—What are you even doing here?" I sprouted off questions like there was no tomorrow.
His nostrils flared slightly as he looked up at me from his position on the bed and I couldn't help but note the way that his leg was nervously jiggling up and down.
How odd, he looked genuinely terrified. It was rather empowering, actually.
"You had no right, you know?"
Well that was certainly an unexpected reply. "I… I don't expect you to break up with Adele, James… I realize that you're with her and didn't think you'd just drop everything to be with me. Honestly, I just had to tell you… I don't know why, but I did. I hope that we can still be friends, though."
He groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, roughly pulling on the strands in his aggravation. "You're… you're unbelievable, you know that?"
I bit my lip, trying to keep it from trembling in my state of utter humiliation. "I'm sorry."
He rolled his eyes. "You remember what you said to me back at the end of fifth year?"
"No… not really…"
"You said that we were better off mates and that there was no point in my continuing to pursue you because nothing would ever come of it, but a failed chance at friendship."
I winced. Ouch, that had been callous of me.
"I'm sorry," I murmured.
He shook his head. "I didn't know what to make of what you said at first. It confused me; I'd never thought you might change your mind… not on that."
"Well… I did."
"Yeah," he laughed, albeit dully.
"I… I'm sorry, James, I didn't want to confuse you or make you feel awkward around me. Really, there was no hidden agenda, I promise."
He nodded slowly. "I know."
"Good…" I said, not knowing what else to say after that proclamation.
After a silence that felt like it had lasted for ages, James finally spoke up again. "It really confused me, you know? I mean, I'd never expected to hear those words come from your mouth and I just… I needed space, I guess."
I nodded. "I understand."
"Good," he nodded in reply, and I couldn't help but note how there was a lot of nodding going around. How awkward.
"So… anyway… well, after, I just walked around for a while, went to Hogsmeade and had a few pints-"
Ugh, men really are just hopeless drunks, aren't they? Is it even possible for them to deal with a dilemma without the dizzying effects of alcohol to stumblingly steer them through it.
He sent me a halfhearted smile, flushing a bit—surely knowing what was running through my mind at that exact moment. "In my defense it was only three or four… but anyway, I couldn't think of how I was going to deal with it all, how I'd be able to face you after that-"
"You shouldn't have worried, it's not like I'm going to jump you now that you know… I just wanted to be honest."
"I know that, but it takes some time to realize truths like that, first reaction is generally the insane," he shrugged.
I couldn't help, but laugh a bit at that. "And then what happened?" I asked, finally allowing myself to relax a bit as I took a seat in the chair across from the bed and him. "I mean it's been over eight hours since you and I last spoke, surely you must have done more than have a few pints… unless it was more than a few, that is."
He chortled. "It wasn't, and I realized something then."
"You're a bitch."
My eyebrows furrowed. "And am I supposed to thank you for that now? I mean I give you a proclamation of my undying love and you tell me I'm a bitch… not too chivalrous there, James… though they do tell me that it's dead…"
He rolled his eyes at my tirade. "That's not my point here, Lily."
"Then, please, do share because I'm praying that it gets at least a bit better than that."
"I—well I haven't really considered us in ages, not since you gave me that little ultimatum of yours, I figured it'd be smarter to just forget any what ifs…"
Great, so I'd screwed myself over then. God, I was an idiot!
He continued: "and I've moved on, I really have. I've dated other girls, had fun, let go of you-"
Ouch, I winced. It really wasn't getting better at all!
"And then you came out with this out of nowhere-"
I didn't know how much more of his blasted speech I could take as I turned my face away from his, thanking the deities for leaving the room dark so, under solely the light of the moon, I could hide the tears that were slowly wreaking havoc upon my face. I always just looked disgustingly red and blotchy whenever I cried.
"And it shocked me… I didn't know what to think, Lily. I thought I was over you, that it was just platonic, but I don't know… as I thought about it more something changed. At first, I thought that I really didn't reciprocate those feelings at all; I mean I have Adele, after all. Then, though… well six hours in something changed."
My neck almost snapped as I turned back to face him. "What?" I weakly gasped in surprise.
He released a shaky breath as he got up from his seat and moved towards her, slowly lowering himself to kneel before her so that they could be at eyelevel. "I realized that maybe things hadn't changed as much as I thought they did."
That earned a gasp and a heavy gulp from me as he brought up a hand and cupped my face.
"So I came back… went to see Adele… and I ended things."
"Really?" I asked, shakily, afraid that maybe my imagination was playing tricks on me or something equally cruel.
He smiled fully. "Yeah," he whispered before pulling my face towards his.
The kiss was hot, heady, and overpowering as I allowed his tongue to push its way into my mouth, his muscle quickly melding with my own in a fluidity that scared the bejesus out of me in its utter perfection.
"Wow," I breathed when he finally pulled away as air became of the utmost importance.
"Yeah," he gulped.
I bit my lip as I looked up at him. "Want to move to somewhere more comfortable?"
author's note: well the end had to be sappy and utterly cliché as the challenge was to write a story to the title "Like a Romantic Comedy", and what are those if not cliché? I do hope, however, that it was enjoyable nonetheless.
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