Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Author's Note- If you smoke a bowl and drink a fifth before reading this, you might see some Uchihacest. If you read this sober, you will see some Uchihacest. Happy B-day Itachi. I've seen some stuff similar to this, so it's not too original, but whatever.

Night had fallen over Konoha.

Almost everyone was sleeping, or trying to. The head of the Uchiha Clan, Uchiha Fugaku, was on his way to bed himself. His oldest son, Uchiha Itachi, would likely be returning from a 3-day mission in the morning. His wife Mikoto had agreed to read his youngest son, Sasuke, a story in his stead. He decided to walk passed Sasuke's room to glance in on young son, falling asleep to his beautiful mother's voice, like something out of a fairytale. He tiptoed to the dimly lit room and peeked in. His wife's voice echoed out into the hallway.

"'Don't leave me!' the woman cried, throwing her arms around his waist and pressing her face into his back, trying to keep him with her. 'I couldn't bear to lose you again, not when you came back so soon!'

"'I'm sorry, Shizuke. I- I can't...'

"'Please, just stay! Stay with me, and make love to me like we never have before!'

"'Oh, how could I possibly leave when you speak to me like that? I'll never leave you again! I'll be with you forever!'"

"Really?! Forever?! What happened next?!" Sasuke's voice was eager as he listened raptly.

"Well, then they stripped off each other's clothes right then and there and made passionate, wild love! And lived happily ever after!" Mikoto smiled and closed the 50 cent romance novel before patting him on the head and turning out the light to join Fugaku in the hall.

"...Mikoto..." Maybe he shouldn't let her read to Sasuke anymore.

It was morning in Konoha.

Uchiha Sasuke was eating breakfast with his mother and father. And while normally he hated this particular breakfast, today he was inhaling it, while bouncing impatiently up and down in his seat. You see, today his brother was coming home from a super long mission, and Sasuke planned to spend the entire day with him.

"Sasuke, you're... you're going to choke," Fugaku said as he watched the food disappear from his plate at an alarming rate.

Sasuke paused in his rapid consumption of food to breathe and assure his father he was fine, but before he was able to, the sound of the front door sliding open followed by footsteps sounded throughout the house.

"I'm home.." a weary voice came from the doorway of the kitchen.

"ANIKI!" Sasuke jumped from his seat and attempted to launch himself at his brother, but was stopped by two fingers tapping him on the forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke, but I can't play with you right now. My comrades are waiting for me outside. Maybe next time, ne?"

Sasuke's demeanor had changed from ecstatic to devastated with that single sentence.

"You took another mission?" Mikoto asked, brow furrowed just slightly.

"I'm just here to get some more kunai and such," Itachi replied, heading to his room to repack.

"As expected of my son," Fugaku murmured, rustling his newspaper.

Itachi packed quickly and was already headed out the door. "See you later then."

Sasuke had been thinking quickly while Itachi packed as well. After desperately wracking his mind to find a way to get his beloved Aniki to stay, he remembered a story he had heard.

"Aniki, wait!" Sasuke threw himself out the door after Itachi.

"Sasuke!" Mikoto and Fugaku went after him, hoping he didn't try and make a spectacle of himself and the Uchiha Clan.

Itachi went to turn away from his comrades at the sound of Sasuke's voice, but felt something collide into him and wrap its arms around his waist before he was able to.

"P-please, Aniki, don't leave me! S-stay and make love to me like never before!"

Dead silence followed this exclamation.

Seeing that his Aniki hadn't yet promised to stay with him forever, he moved on and started desperately trying to rip his clothes off.

At this point everyone seemed to regain their wits.

"Uchiha Sasuke!"



"Aniki! You're supposed to say you'll never leave me! And that you'll always be there for me!"

Itachi looked torn between passing out and doing exactly as Sasuke suggested. He turned around and kneeled in front of Sasuke.

"Foolish Otouto. I'll always be there for you. Aniki has to go on some missions right now, but I'd never, ever leave you..." He kissed him on the forehead. Mikoto and Itachi's comrades seemed to relax a bit at this, but they still looked majorly disturbed. Fugaku started to stir from where he had collapsed.

Sasuke smiled a bit through his tears, but still looked a little confused. "But Aniki, aren't we supposed to be making pash-in-ut love right now?"

Itachi blanched and quickly poked him on the forehead. "Erm- sorry, Sasuke, umm- maybe next time. Like tomorrow. O-or next Friday. Or-m-maybe for my birthday-" he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.


"...Bye, Aniki!"

Fugaku hit the ground again.

He was going to burn every book they owned.

And maybe avoid going near Sasuke's or Itachi's rooms for the next week.

A/N: Sorry. Like I said, I don't really have much time to write fanfics. I just wanted to put something out for Itachi's birthday. :)